Snow paws

Photo:  www.wix.com

Change.  New experiences.  New people coming into our lives that perforce cause changes.  Many people love change!  I am not one of them, although it is an experience that I weather with much more Grace these days than I used to.  I'm good with it in my work environment and with my career; in fact, I actively pursue growth and change at that level.  I call it my Low Boredom Threshold and it keeps me pretty driven in that part of my life.

When it comes to personal areas, home life, relationships, heck no!  I tend to want to immediately dig my heels in.  Or, for those of you who grew up on Saturday morning cartoons, picture Bugs Bunny when someone is trying to force him through a door and all four paws cling tenaciously to the doorway.  Yep, that's me.  Wanting to hold on to the familiar with a vengeance.  I've gotten better with this as I've grown older, and I tend to joke about the degree of it I embrace these days.  Time has a way of whittling those rough edges away, after all.  But I admit I do still want to cling to the doorway at times.

I was talking with one of my dear sister-friends recently about this very thing and how I tend to react emotionally regarding very personal interaction.  This was what I shared:

You know what mental image I keep getting of myself?  I had this sweet Australian Shepherd dog named Kobay.  The first snow we had the first year I had her, she hid in her house.  I had to coax her out.  Sloooowly, she came out, but with each step, she lifted her paw, looked at it, shook it a bit to get rid of that foreign snow stuff, then looked at me, as though to say, "Eeeuuww. MOM!  That's new stuff. I don't LIKE it.  Make it go away!"

I.e.,  New.  Different.  Scary. Uncomfortable.  So, I'm doing the "get the snow off my paws" dance.

Does this sound familiar to any of you?   I actually find it rather humorous, the mental image, because it's an apt analogy for what I sometimes do.  Not always, and less and less as I grow into myself in an authentic manner, but it does happen, that old knee jerk reaction.  And yes, I admit I really do start to react that way at times when someone gets very close to me on an intimate emotional level.  That's scary stuff, after all!  It means that awful word, "vulnerability", is in the mix.  Well, quelle horror, shock and shudders!  WHO in their right mind enjoys being vulnerable?!  Certainly not I.  Mind you, I stop the behavior in its tracks when I recognize it starting to slip in, and that's what we're talking about here today.

The prequel post to this one would be "What do you do when" 5/22/2012, Healing Morning.  I recently experienced that moment of breath suspended and I let myself feel the feelings.  That took a while, took some pondering, took some allowing, took some releasing, took some growing and most assuredly, took some shifting and changing of Self.

Was it easy?  In some ways, yes.  We each have the option of making life experiences easy or difficult. Sometimes the emotions churn so hot and bright that we get distracted into thinking it has to be difficult and painful.  That's fear talking, of course.  It doesn't have to be anything, really.  Which is where that "just feel" part comes in.  When we do that, when we just feel, no turmoil need be experienced.  No fighting or grappling need be necessary.  They're feelings and they're meant to be felt!  What a concept, hmm??  Yet we spend a LOT of time, we humans, doing what another friend called "the high stepping freaky dance" when it comes to emotional stuff.  I call it the Snow Paw Dance, but it's basically the same thing.

My paws felt all weird and strange with that new stuff clinging to them and I wanted it to STOP RIGHT NOW.  I spent some time lifting each paw and attempting to shake that new stuff off, but it didn't work.  That new stuff is meant to cling to our paws and make an impression.  It forces us to feel the feelings, which is what is supposed to happen.  *sigh*  I know....if you're like me, you're thinking, "Really??  Are you SURE it's supposed to happen?  It feels strange.  I could be just as happy avoiding it."  That's my inner 5 year old speaking, or my inner puppy with snow paws, perhaps, and I don't indulge that knee jerk fear reaction for long.  I take a moment to recognize it and acknowledge the very human and understandable fear reaction, then I get down to the business of growth, learning and stretching my horizons.

This time when I got Snow Paw reaction, I was smart enough to chat with a friend and process the whole thing.  Luckily, I chose someone who doesn't cut me any slack and who kicks my booty (with love) when necessary.  Actually, she calls it yanking my tail to pull me down out of the tree I climbed up.  You know how kittens will do that, climb waaaay up high in a tree, realize just how high up they are, then start crying because they can't figure out how to get themselves down?  That's another analogy for what I was doing.  I got snow on my paws and I shot right up a tree to get away from it!  Then I needed a bit of an assist to get back down the tree, hence my sister-friend yanking my tail.

So, here I am, back on the ground.  As I look around me, the snow has melted and I think it's not so overwhelming to be here as was initially felt.  My paws might still be a wee wet and uncomfortable, but I'm back on the ground and I'm walking around in those feelings, getting used to the fit of them.  How do they feel?  New.  Different.  Scary.  Uncomfortable.  But there's also potential for them to become beyond comfortable and lovely.  If I let them, they can become one of the most beautiful things I've ever experienced.

I'm going to stay here a while, I think.  Wet snow paws require some extra attention and personal grooming, after all.  In the process, I'm going to grow.  I can already see and feel that occurring.  Those who know me well are aware that I normally adore winter weather and snow.  It's when it hits out of season that it can throw a person off kilter a bit, but that's okay, because....

Snow out of season is one of the most spectacular experiences we can have.  

What do you do when....

Photo:  http://www.siaphoto.com/

What do you do when you can't breathe?  When something occurs that literally strips the breath from your body and you're suspended in that polarizing moment, gasping.  This can take many forms.  Some beautiful, some incredibly raw and angry, some reaching a level of sublime happiness, and others so steeped in sadness that  it is beyond words to express.

That moment, when the air is taken from us seems to last an endless forever.  Our minds and emotions seize up in a sort of shock as we grapple to understand the enormity of the moment.  A whole slew of physiological effects set in...pupils dilating, heart rate increasing, fingertips and lips going slightly numb, slightly tingling, goosebumps hitting at times, sweating occurring at others, stomach twisting and pitching, laughter bursting from us in a glorious ripple of smiling notes, or gut wrenching sobs the next sound we're capable of making. 

Most of the time when this happens, we are forever changed.  Uplifted at times, devastated at others.  It's one of those very pure moments when everything narrows down to a literal pinpoint of focus.  From that one breath suspended, to that next moment when we finally inhale again, the world changes.  We change.  A remarkable shift occurs.

It's a curious thing, how all that we are, who we are, can change in such a blinding, rapid manner.  It can happen in a fleeting rush, barreling upon us in a wild, dramatic swirl.  Or it can slip through and brush softly as a whisper.  Regardless of the delivery, it is profound and dramatic.

We experience it from the hands of another....from the words of another.  Or from our own initiative.  Sometimes it is a moment in Nature.  Or a song lyric.  A fragrance that teases the heart and the memory.  A touch so sincere that we cannot resist it.  And we are undone.  Unraveled, or conversely, wound so tightly, so quickly, that we must shatter into a million pieces of delight or maddened grief.

Peace walks these same halls.  As does love.  They both grab the breath from us, lifting up and embracing us in an inestimable manner. 

What do you do when you can't breathe?  You endure it.  Or you celebrate it.  You continue to live, accepting that infinitesimal moment that has shifted everything that you are into a new person.  And you are born anew, taking fumbling steps, uncertain on wobbly knees and feet.  Pared down to your elemental self, vulnerable, naked and alone, and seeing the world through brand new eyes.

What do you do when you can't breathe and the cold vapor of that crashing experience stuns you?  You momentarily become a creature of ice, shards of silvered frost entwining throughout your very cells, turning you crystalline.  Waiting for a touch to warm and melt you back to humanity.

Waiting for a touch to enfold.  To stutter-start your breath again.

There in an indefinable space that simultaneously lasts both a nanosecond and a limitless, echoing eternity...what do you do?  You feel.  Simply that. 

You feel.

Carpe Happy, Y'all

Every writer has their own unique fingerprint, their own style and manner of inspiration which they pour into their work.  I am of the Magpie variety of writer when it comes to gathering inspiration.  I can literally be inspired by anything under the sun.  Those of you of similar nature will nod in understanding when I say that I will scribble down a fragment of a thought, or a snippet of conversation, sometimes just a single word, or a song lyric on any available surface.  Paper napkins, chewing gum wrappers, receipts, envelopes, pieces of cardboard....anything that will hold written words that hit in a firestorm of inspiration is utilized so that I don't lose that moment of clarity.  Magpies, for those of you not familiar, are birds who are entranced by anything sparkly, shiny or unusual.  They will collect such objects and take them to weave into the structure of their nests, making a unique, bright, cozy and sparkling home for themselves and their mates.

Most of my closest friends and family members have become accustomed to the fact that they're fair game and fodder for my Magpie imagination.  Any given conversational moment will trigger my Magpie reflex and off I go, frantically searching for something to dash off a series of handwritten notes for content of a future blog post, or a manuscript concept.

Recently, someone close to me uttered what I found to be a shining statement:

"Carpe happy, young lady."

This statement came through a series of texts on a lazy weekend evening, and as indicated above, it struck my Magpie reflex.  I thought, "What a great suggestion!  I want that on a t-shirt!"  As I am wont to do in such moments of inspiration, I studied the above suggestion.  It kept calling to me as I worked through some personal thoughts.  So, I kept coming back to it, circling around, pausing to study from this angle and that plane.  The more I studied it, the more I could hear a deeper message entwined in the words.

The suggestion itself was a delightful moment of whimsy from a friend. I still smile at the sentiment behind the words.  Taken at face value, it is an excellent and valuable suggestion!  In essence, and translation, it means, "Seize the happy."  As I had been experiencing a rather bubbly, happy afternoon to the point of the happy overflowing, I was driven to share with that friend in a bouncy, rollicking, cheerful text conversation.  Little did I know that the suggestion would, indeed, hold deeper meaning and lessons.

I've said it many times before - I excel at getting in my own way.  I will analyze the fool out of a situation, pick at it, poke at it, dissect it relentlessly until I come to whatever personal conclusion is necessary for me to feel satisfied that I fully understand that situation.  It's a protection mechanism, I fully admit this.  It gives me distance and lets me apply an almost clinical perspective.  Sometimes this serves a very good purpose, because cooler heads and calm logic prevailing definitely hold value.  It can also, however, become its own double edged sword, causing focus on negatives to the exclusion of all else....of searching for a solution that might not even be available yet, and thus, inflicting a sort of needless limbo.

On the heels of my happy afternoon, I found myself on the verge of doing that very thing...getting in my own way out of a knee jerk emotional reaction.  I was on the verge of projecting a whole boatload of negative possibilities and getting wound up in a completely unnecessary manner.  Negative possibilities which, mind you, hadn't even occurred and might not EVER occur.  Yet there I was, angsting and worrying those possibilities into near manifestation.  Law of Attraction precepts indicate that that which we focus attention on is that which we can and do manifest, so that reminder was a valuable wake up call for me.

It took me a while to recognize and identify where all of this "stuff" was coming from and what emotional triggers had been tripped, but once I did identify them, I immediately cut the cycle.  I realized that I was right on the precipice of pouring old energies, negative ones at that, into a new experience.  And I saw immediately how damaging that behavior could be if I allowed myself to continue.  It was a poor past habit that was attempting to bully its way back in and set up housekeeping.

So, I stopped it.  I cut the cycle and I shifted my immediate attention back to brighter thoughts.  It wasn't easy to begin with, because fear based thinking lifts its ugly head when we're the most vulnerable, when we're on the verge of stepping into a new experience that is scary and challenging on an emotional level.  I don't know many people who enjoy the sensation of being vulnerable - I know that I sure don't.  But this time, I reeled in the fear based thoughts and did not allow them to sink toxic tentacles into this new experience.  And the fascinating part was that within literally ten minutes of addressing this within myself, being honest, identifying the negative pattern attempting to emerge and blasting it out of existence, I had something occur that was almost instantly reassuring, instantly positive, instantly encouraging.  The relief and clear recognition of how each conscious thought, step and action had its own equal and opposite and positive reaction was lovely.

My decision with all of this nudges me to a behavior that I tend to not embrace that often, and that is living in the Now.  I'm much better at planning things to a meticulous level, because it is another protective mechanism.  That being said, this moment of epiphany clearly showed me that there is a great deal of merit in  living in the Now and being appreciative of each present moment.  For me, that behavior requires stepping out of old habits and patterns.  I'm quite good at living in the Now when it comes to writing, but the true LIVING part of it, well, I admit that I dance around that one and shy from it much more than I embrace it.

It took some work on my part and a conscious choice to be brave, along with being vulnerable.  I'm still not altogether comfortable with that mix - bravery and vulnerability - but I'm stepping forward anyway. And I'm doing it in the mindset suggested above:  Carpe happy, young lady!

I believe this is going to become a new mantra for me.  It carries such a happy, lighthearted message, tone and vibration.  When I read the words, my heart is immediately lifted up and my lips tilt in an irresistible smile.  It prompts such a nice, zippy, bubbly energy that I was driven to share it with you here, and being a southern belle of sorts, I simply cannot resist tweaking the message to embrace you all:

Carpe happy, y'all! :)

Roughed up

Photo image:  Facebook

I began writing this post in the midst of Good Friday afternoon whilst checking my email and Facebook. I have been reading so many beautiful comments and posts regarding Easter/Passover this weekend.  One such comment was by my dear friend, Lisa Brandel, in her ongoing daily series called Thoughts in Images.  She was discussing the concept of God/Universe/Spirit giving us more than we can handle, in direct contrast to that old homily that "God never gives us more than we can handle".  My comment on her post is as follows:

Very wise words, Tinker (my nickname for Lisa). I often say that same thing, that yes, we are regularly given more than we can handle. I think in a way, it shears away some of the extraneous bulk to allow Grace to attach. (blog alert! methinks I need to scurry off to write on this one more!) SDS, 04/06/2012

First, I urge everyone to click the link above to read Lisa's full thoughts on this concept, because they are very deep in wisdom.  She writes with a very sure hand, driven by her personal experiences and losses, yet she always finds that bright spot in every difficult moment.  I agree with her on this subject and have often felt that very same thought - that God/Universe/Spirit DOES give us more than we can handle, and it happens quite often.  I've pondered this from my personal experiences, when I've been quite aware I'm being tested and pushed beyond the current limits of my abilities to adapt.

The following thoughts are what I have come to realize.


The analogy that comes to mind is that some of this being barraged with a huge amount of trial and challenge has the purpose to literally knock off some of the bulk of extraneous energy we build up.  We're good at that building up of defenses and walls, we humans, often creating such a buildup that we are out of balance in a spiritual and emotional manner.  Similar to a sculptor approaching a bulky block of granite and chipping away to expose the image hidden within, perhaps that Divine Source blasts us with large chunks of crisis and strife to shear away parts of us that we simply no longer need.  Those large amounts of challenging energy might not all be completely absorbed by us on an individual level, but similar to the winds blowing sand or water against stone, wood or land....pieces are whittled, chipped and eroded until they finally fall away.  From a logical, pragmatic standpoint, if you're struggling uphill, it's certainly easier to make the climb without carrying a lot of unnecessary baggage.  So, it is within the bounds of reason that challenges help us to jettison extraneous negative habits, behaviors and patterns that no longer serve us well.


Another analogy that I think of often is that a smooth surface cannot bond efficiently with a new addition.  Are you familiar with the process of roughing up a smooth surface to prepare it to receive a new coat of paint, or to join two pieces of wood or metal or glass together?  The roughing up of that smooth surface is necessary, because the roughness gives each separate piece something to bond to.  Two slick, smooth surfaces will not bond efficiently....they will eventually separate and fall apart.  The roughing up of the surface creates texture and that texture becomes a sort of puzzle mechanism for an interlocking process to be achieved.  I find this to be such a strong message - smooth, shiny, slick surfaces are often beautiful to look at, but they remain separate.  Apart.  Isolated.  Lovely, yes, but sterile in a way.  I think this is good reason to celebrate and appreciate how beautiful we are in our flaws.  They create an opportunity for us to find those interlocking relationships, to bond with other people and other experiences and become more beautiful...more real...more unique, through personal growth.  Our flaws allow us to become that better version of ourselves through that refining process.


So, my thought is that when we're bombarded with extreme, onerous levels of challenge, we're being sculpted and prepared for that interlocking process.  We're being presented with new layers of energy and experiences that will ultimately make us stronger and more beautiful in a spiritual sense, but we must first sacrifice parts of ourselves that no longer serve a positive purpose, or that are getting in the way of growth. 


The energy of Good Friday and Easter/Passover is upon us, and I always find the energies swirling around during this particular weekend to be particularly peaceful and uplifting.  It is a quiet, peaceful kind of energy that I feel, while at the same time, I experience a strong upswing on a vibratory level.  I firmly believe this happens around all High Holy Days because the world at large is in a similar mental state, focusing on the spiritual manifestation of that particular day.  I believe that this creates a combined energy that benefits all of us and also benefits this planet we all inhabit.  


Pain isn't fun.  That's an obvious truth.  It comes to us for myriad reasons - as a red flag to alter our course and avoid something unpleasant, as a warning of something of a medical nature that requires attention, as an ending to a relationship through separation of one sort or another...divorce, friendship ending, death, drifting slowly apart.  Sadness and grief are part of the makeup of this world and they are part of the growth process we all face on a daily basis.  These experiences teach us compassion, strength, acceptance and the ability to allow Grace into our personal reality.

Photo image:  Heart Highlights FB Page

On my Facebook wall on Good Friday, another dear friend by the name of Holly, posted a beautiful photo that I want to share here.  The lily and the Cross, both symbols of Easter, of love, redemption and faith.  The Cross is the symbol of one of the saddest historical moments this planet and the human race have ever witnessed, and the lily symbolizes the shining result of that sad sacrifice.  Forgiveness, rebirth, unconditional love, and a promise to us of life everlasting.


I am not one to speak much about specific religions, or to hammer away with specific dogma.  I prefer to concentrate more on the simple and pure source behind it all, which is Love.  I have a deep and abiding personal faith that spans many thoughts and concepts and I do my best to share my thoughts here, at Healing Morning, in a manner that lifts up and encourages.


Easter/Passover is about Transformation.  Shedding of a physical body to rise up in vibration to a Divine level.  We're all here on this Earth School to work towards that same level of Divine energy, and the process requires that we face challenges, be given overwhelming tests and that we experience pain, whether physical, emotional or both, in that refining process.  


In return, we are "roughed up" on our spiritual surfaces in order to accept that next layer of beauty....to accept that higher vibration of pure spiritual progress and growth.  In those moments when you are clearly aware that you're being tested, and you're equally aware that you're being given much more than you can handle, know that there is purpose in all of it.  That which you truly cannot handle is still blasting away at you in a manner meant to chip excess baggage away and reveal a truer version of yourself.  It is helping you to shed layers and emerge cleaner, lighter, yes, but also slightly roughed up and available to receive that new layer of Grace more effectively.  Whether each of us chooses to accept that attachment of Grace is a personal choice, obviously, but something in me stubbornly believes that Grace does attach, even for those who turn from it.  It is simply there, showering down on us all, waiting for that available space, minute or hugely expansive, to attach and brighten each life.  When I am going through my own challenging moments and I feel I cannot take another ounce of it, the thought that a lot of negative energy is being blasted away, and I'm being prepared for beautiful energies to attach brings me back to calm and focus.


Where ever you are in your life currently, as you read this, I wish you a Good Friday and a blessed Easter/Passover.  Be with those you love and celebrate the fact that we have been given this incredible world to experience all the highs and lows of life and emerge triumphant, changed and showered in Grace.

*Photo image annotation:  the first image of the diamond and charcoal was taken from Facebook, but I was unable to track it to an originator or a specific Facebook page.  In this case, I am only able to annotate to Facebook as the origin of this photo image.*

Gratitude Moments, Vol. I, April 2012

Photo: www.innerworkingsresources.com

Most of my readers are familiar with my Grasshopper Thoughts articles.  I write those when I'm either not in the mood to delve into a meaty, involved blog article, or I just have one of those days where my attention span is shot.

A while back, I read a great post on my Facebook newsfeed that made me smile.  It was titled, "The Amazing Moments in Life".  I liked it so much that my mind automatically began compiling those moments that resonate for me, so I came here to write a Grasshopper Thoughts entry with a slightly different format.  I'll call these Gratitude Moments and this may become a recurring series.  Let me know what you think!

Gratitude Moments

1. Hearing the voice of someone you love over the phone, unexpectedly.
2. Receiving a long, tight hug that lasts for several moments.
3. Seeing a flower blooming in an unexpected place.
4. Finding cash in a pocket or purse that you had forgotten was there.
5. Taking an item to the checkout counter and being asked, "Did you know this is on sale?" (SCORE!)
6. That moment when a favorite snack food that was discontinued years ago is brought back.  In this case, Taco Flavored Doritos™!
7. Finding that ink pen that fits your hand perfectly, is the right ink flow, the right ink nib/roller ball and learning that they're affordable.
8. Spending time at your Mom's house and waking up to a breakfast only she can make.
9. Walking through the woods at home in springtime and seeing all the greening up and blossoming occurring.
10. Getting enough snow to make snow cream.
11. Holding hands.
12. Grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup.
13. Having a lazy day where you snuggle on the sofa with a blanket, the remote control, comfort foods and a good book.
14. Rubbing noses with that special person.
15. Getting kissed and hugged by a child.
16. Hot tea.
17. Family reunions and seeing all those faces that you love deeply.
18. Hearing your favorite song on the radio.
19. Going to brunch with friends and discovering a new foody love. Lobster Bacon Flatbread comes to mind as a new one for me.
20. Laughing with friends and/or family until you cry happy tears.
21. Receiving flowers from someone who loves you, "Just because I knew it would make you smile".
22. Planting old fashioned flowers and watching them grow. Lily of the Valley is my personal favorite.
23. Being surprised that childhood chores you used to hate - like having a kitchen garden - have morphed into a thing of appreciation and enjoyment.  Go figure. I would never have dreamed my thoughts would change on this!
24. Listening to family members reminisce and tell stories about "the Good Old Days".
25. Finding that perfect mascara.  
26. Reading a book that literally changes your whole perspective on Life.
27. Meditation.
28. Having a good hair day.
29. Finding a new author, loving their writing style and discovering there are multiple titles of theirs available. *Love that!*
30. Having that special item of clothing that always makes you look and feel good when you wear it. One of mine is a sweatshirt my brother got me for Christmas over 10 years ago.  It's over sized, soft knit material, slouchy in silhouette and gets softer and more comfy the longer I have it, and oddly, makes me look skinny!
31. Yoga.
32. That unique smell of the morning air in your favorite location.
33. Recognizing how truly blessed you really are.
34. Banana popsicles!
35. Writing an article that, reading it back, literally gives you chills for how perfectly it has been written.
36. Celebrating a birthday of someone you love. Today is my dear, wonderful Mom's birthday...Happy Birthday, Mom!  I love you more than words can express. <3

I made myself stop at 36 things, but what I love about this process is that once you begin, the thoughts flow. There's the concept and practice of keeping a Daily Gratitude Journal and it is one that I occasionally do, but then get distracted on the daily entries part at some point.  What I can say here, today, is that sitting down to write these Gratitude Moments kept me in a happy, appreciative state of mind.  I have been smiling as I tapped out each thought and I love the Universal Law aspect of this.  Lifting our thoughts to a happy harmonic energy means that we are sending that accelerated energy outwards, where it will grow and maximize itself before returning to us to shower blessings that match that original happy energy.  I can't think of a better reason to embrace this concept and make it a habit.  What are your favorite memories and experiences that fit into the Gratitude Moments category?

Grace period

As is common, I ran across a quote about a week ago on Facebook that prompted me to ponder. Here is the quote of the day:

Photo & quote: If you like me, you're an eclectic Facebook Page

Very powerful statement by itself, without any of my thoughts added.  Of course, I am going to add my thoughts, as that's the whole point of the post! I'm not in any seriously difficult time right now....nothing that is unknown, or that I haven't experienced before.  I'm in what I have dubbed "useful limbo", and that can present its own frustrations as I practice patience whilst waiting on things to finish falling into place.  So, I'm in the "arrow being pulled backward" stage, still preparing to be shot forward into the next stage of Life that I'm meant to experience.

This particular quote and a recent conversation with a friend coalesced into today's post.  I made a comment to this friend that there is never going to be a "perfect, ideal moment" to put a specific desire into action.  This friend is experiencing some enforced limbo, due to outside factors beyond their control. The degree of limbo being enforced is one that could very well drag on indefinitely, and that was what prompted my comment about waiting for that "perfect, ideal moment".  This friend can choose to take more control and continue to live a full life, or allow those outside forces to put their life into a lengthy limbo, or stall mode.

I've often called this thing that we humans do, the Disease of Waiting to Live.  I'm guilty of it.  I daresay most of us are.  We hold ourselves back from fully living, fully experiencing, fully engaging....promising ourselves that when "this bill is paid off", or "when I finish this project at work", or "when the kids graduate", or "when I lose X amount of weight"....THEN we'll be able to step forward and LIVE.  Does this sound familiar to you?  Yep, it does to me as well.  I spent a large amount of my life in that mindset and I still wrestle with it.

Let me share some truths:

• there will ALWAYS be another bill to replace the one you're using as an excuse 
• there will ALWAYS be another project or challenge at work to focus on that you'll use as an excuse 
• when your kids graduate from high school, they will most likely go on to college and you'll use THAT as the next excuse 
• you will ALWAYS find something about your body you want to improve and you'll use that as an excuse  

Do you see the pattern here?  Life is always going to give us more than ample reasons to Wait to Live.

To a degree, there is logic and wisdom in waiting, preparing and having all the tools and experience you need prior to stepping forward in Life.  What ends up being truly sad is when we continually grasp at brittle straws of distraction to keep from fully engaging in Life.  What does a brittle straw do when we grasp it?  It usually disintegrates in our hands, crumbling to fragments and dust, leaving us with empty hands.  It may sound harsh, but this is a good analogy of what using excuses to not fully engage in life gives us.....dreams that eventually crumble to dust, leaving us with empty, lonely lives.

It takes bravery to step forward and truly engage in Life.  I'm the first to admit that it can be scary and that I fall back on the easier, more lazy side of throwing out excuses.  I do it less and less as I get older, and I find that when someone I'm connected to displays this habit in a manner that affects ME directly, I get a serious punch of a big, strong Life Lesson walloping me head on.  This conversation I had recently gave me just such a wallop.  The frustration of seeing clearly that this other person's decision to turn to easy excuses rather than take the risk of engaging was directly affecting ME in a negative manner was a big wakeup call.

In turn, I was faced with the decision of whether to give this person time to sort through their own immediate entanglements, or whether it served me better to separate myself from that relationship completely.  In order to protect this other person's privacy, I am being a bit cryptic here.  I haven't yet fully made my own decision on what action to take, but I do know that action MUST be taken.  I have specific goals in mind for my life and taking on another person's limbo stage isn't something that makes any sort of logical sense for me. Being understanding and empathetic, and offering true support and friendship is a completely different issue, and I am there 100%.  It is just as necessary for me to display that same support for myself as I wrestle with building solid boundaries that will enable me to maintain clear focus for my life path.

So! Here I am, looking at all sides of this situation.  The analogy of the arrow being drawn back, preparatory to being shot forward....this is where I feel I am, currently.  I'm okay with that, as I can see the logic of it, and I am being very clear about NOT falling into comfortable excuses to delay the release of that arrow.  That clarity and conscious choice to stop getting in my own way requires some tough choices to be made, and I'm still in the process of making them.  My heart wants one thing and can see the potential of something beautiful occurring.  My mind wants that potential to be engaged upon and to STOP WASTING TIME!!  To digress a moment, I happen to be what is known as "balanced brained", rather than right brain or left brain dominant, so this means I can see both sides of a given situation very clearly.  That's a blog post all its own, but it's also another way that I can easily get bogged down in distractions and lose sight of the things that require immediate attention and equally immediate action.  These days, I'm very much about engaging and taking action, so when someone else starts dragging their feet in a manner that affects me directly, it can become a big source of frustration. Frustration is the result of energy stalling and that's exactly what I am working to avoid and smooth out.

When I get frustrated, I have to be even more vigilant to keep myself from racing forward and making snap judgments that I might regret a few days later.  It's one of those delicate balances and my mind goes right back to that arrow being drawn.  Perfect balance is necessary in archery.  Have you ever tried it?  It is astonishing, the physical and mental strength necessary just to draw the arrow back in the structure of the bow, then hold that pose whilst focusing on the target.  Your breathing must calm, your heart rate must calm, your mind must calm....myriad levels of quiet have to be achieved, all in order to direct the course of that arrow.

Just imagine if someone next to you reaches out and knocks your hands as you're in the midst of this focusing. Everything falls out of focus.  You have to readjust, regroup, come back to calm and quiet and it usually takes a while to regain your original focus.  That's where I am, currently, being jostled by other people here and there, as I work to focus on my personal aim.  Other people don't necessarily mean to distract us, mind you, that's just part of the pattern of Life and how we interact. Our job is to stay true to ourselves and my word, that's just downright challenging on the best of days!

I know this much:  I don't want to continue a negative cycle of Waiting to Live. I'm doing some admittedly difficult personal work to cut and erase some of my past negative habits that embraced that Waiting to Live mindset.  And as is common, when we're ready to take that next step of personal evolution, God/Universe/Spirit usually hands us a hefty test to experience in the midst of it all.  Then we are assailed with a boatload of doubts.  Will I make the best choices and take the best actions?

What I have learned over my life is that there are no "wrong" decisions and choices.  They're just decisions and choices and we do what we know at the time.  My focus and my intent is to make the BEST choices and actions for myself that I'm capable of.  That requires some reeling in of emotions, some conscious wrestling of Ego and some determined engaging in detachment.  If you're like me, those actions can feel like trying to draw a delicate pen and ink sketch whilst wearing great big mittens five sizes too large for your hands.  It's not comfortable at all.  But it IS necessary, as all those things force me to breathe into calm, slow my heart rate to calm, bring my mind to calm....to achieve clarity about the best course for myself.  I'm that arrow, waiting to be released, and I owe it to myself to put this much effort into the preparations.

And equally important, there is NO logic in an arrow being knocked, pulled back, aimed....and never released!  Who wants to exist in an eternal state of limbo?!  Well, "waiting to live" is a different flavor of that concept. I'm going to serve a much better purpose if I stop allowing other peoples' energies to overlap my own process....at least stop allowing their energies to distract me enough that I fall back into Waiting to Live mentality.  At this moment in my life and my growth, I know I am capable of making choices and decisions that will serve my greater good.  I have to be brave enough to take those steps....and I am aware that I still have a bit of a Grace period.  I'm taking that extra moment, relaxing into the process, rather than fighting it.  I'm doing my level best to ignore the distractions, refuse to give into the excuses and believe that my best choices are resonating in the right harmony for me to hit that target.

I shared the above quote on my Facebook page about a week ago and it appeared to hit a common chord for many, going by the number of comments I received. That's why I chose to sit down and write this post.  Something tells me it is a topic, and a quote, that many of you will find applies to what you're currently experiencing. We're never truly alone, even though it often feels that way.

In my mind's eye, I see a huge, misty field with untold numbers of us standing in archer's pose....arrow knocked, bow drawn and each of us focusing on our respective target.  Some of those around me have let loose their arrows to fly.  Others are just stepping onto the field to choose an arrow.  I'm still in the brief Grace period of arrow knocked and drawn back.  I'm curious to know where each of you are...and I invite you to join me on the field.  Perhaps the woods...those spaces of Waiting to Live...are comfortable and easier to inhabit, but the field isn't as imposing and scary as you might think.  Step forward with me and leave Waiting to Live behind....but only when you're ready.  As far as I can see, this misty field never goes away, and the archery tools are always available when each of us are ready to step forward and take aim.  I'll see you there.

If it feels bad....pursue detachment!

Photo:  www.stopstressingnow.com

I get this wonderful e-newsletter each day in my Inbox.  It's called The Daily Love, and is the brain child of Mastin Kipp.  He starts each newsletter with a series of quotes chosen to underscore the content of his current Daily Love post.  Quite often, those quotes give me that "A-ha!" moment, and the subsequent ponderings occasionally will spark my own blog article.  Below is such a quote:

All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change you. The only thing blame does is to keep the focus off you when you are looking for external reasons to explain your unhappiness or frustration. You may succeed in making another feel guilty about something by blaming him, but you won't succeed in changing whatever it is about you that is making you unhappy.
- Dr. Wayne W. Dyer, quote taken from The Daily Love newsletter

We all know one, or probably several people who insist on focusing on negatives.  Emotional vampires.  People who insist on believing the worst of others.  People who insist on believing that everyone out there in the world is jealous of them, wants what they have and that all those other people are spiteful, hateful and envious.  They can take the most mundane, innocuous, sincere comment and warp it into something ugly, despite the fact that such negative, ugly intent was never intended.

Here is one thought that I know to be absolute truth:  if YOU spend the vast majority of your life believing that everyone else in the world is exhibiting one or more negative emotions such as jealousy and envy, the actual truth here is that YOU are describing yourself.  That may sound a bit convoluted, as it appears repetitive.  Let me put it into a different format:

We are incapable of accusing another person of a negative emotion unless we, ourselves, are guilty of fostering and acting out that same negative emotion. 

Do you insist that others are jealous of you?  Spiteful and envious?  I posit to you that you would never recognize such traits unless YOU are capable of perpetrating the same thoughts, behaviors and emotions.  Those are just random emotions and traits I plugged in as an example, but any negative emotion will fit the same premise.  Anger, hatred, envy, jealousy, discontentment, sour disposition.  I just do not believe we accuse people of things we're not also capable of harboring inside.

Another strong truth along this same line of thinking is that if you spend large amounts of time proclaiming all these other people to be a specific negative, who are you trying to convince?  If you actually need to constantly voice this opinion and insist it in a public forum, most likely, you're trying to convince yourself.

People who are emotionally healthy, balanced, happy and content won't even give thought or time to such an activity.  Emotionally healthy people find no need to waste valuable time and energy focusing on such negative behavior.  Emotionally healthy people recognize that what other people do, say or feel is really none of their business.  Why devote so much energy into trying to convince the world that other people are behaving in a negative manner??  What does that really accomplish?  It merely promotes more tension and negativity, and that, in turn, turns that negative energy inward.  I am not saying this is a 100% claim, but I notice that people who dwell in negativity like this quite often battle health issues that are difficult to diagnose.   All that negative energy that is being spewed outward tends to come right back to that person, multiplied, and it bombards their physical and etheric bodies with a level of toxicity that begins to spark health issues.  The sad part is, these people who dwell in negativity rarely see that they are a strong link in their own maladies.

Let me also say that I am not indicating every illness is self-initiated.  I am speaking of a very specific behavior here, where an individual knowingly and consciously focuses extreme levels of negativity and accusations outward.  From a psychological standpoint, there is a term called "leveling" that disturbed patients will adopt in order to manipulate those they see as "better than" in some manner.

These behaviors interfere with the normal process of socialization and character development, and they also often serve as tactics to manipulate and control others. - Counselingresource.com & Dr. George Simon, PhD. Psychology, Philosopy & Real Life blog, 2009

I am not indicating that every person out there who gets stuck in a negative mindset is emotionally and/or mentally disturbed, but I will point out again that those who are in a healthy state rarely waste time on this type of behavior.

Do we all have bad days and moments of crabbiness where we recognize ugly behavior and motives in others?  Of course we do!  And being able to recognize these things is a vital coping skill in today's world where we are bombarded with so much negativity on a daily basis.  Recognizing a negative behavior is one thing; endorsing and embracing a negative behavior is a completely different thing.  One is a sort of diagnostic ability and valuable to keep us on an even keel and able to avoid those negative personalities.  The other is literally making that choice to embrace negative thoughts and behaviors on a daily basis.  I think most of us would prefer to be the former of the two and able to take that proverbial High Road.

It is also important to note that people who dwell in these very dark, obsessive and unhappy states of mind are so caught in a whirlpool of their own discord that this is all they can experience. I imagine it must be a self-perpetuating cycle, and a very sad one.  Focusing blame on the rest of the world in order to make oneself feel superior is a truly sad state of existence, and these people are literally screaming to the world that they are in pain.  Sadder still, they spew their confusion, rage and childhood scars out onto the world in such a toxic manner that they are unaware of how abusive their behavior is towards others.

As happiness is what we all want, I always advocate looking within when something is making us feel a negative emotion.  The easiest definition or diagnostic tool we are given is a very simple one - if it feels bad, then something is wrong!  Plain and straightforward, yes?  If something or someone makes you feel badly, then that something or someone doesn't serve your better good. If it is a behavior you are exhibiting, honesty is necessary to change that behavior.  If it is a behavior coming from others and you have identified it as such, it is up to you to be strong enough to either address that negativity from those people, or be strong enough to choose to excise them from your daily life.  Both options require some work, some bravery and some pragmatism.  Often, some of those negative people are ones we love as friends or as family members, so the choice to cut those relationships takes time and careful thought.

In my younger days, I would frequently feel huge amounts of frustration when I interacted with people like this - the ones who dwell in negative mindset.  It took me a while to find balance and to instill personal boundaries.  That boundaries thing is one I still wrestle with, but it is now much easier.  That simple diagnostic tool of, "How does this make me feel?  Good?  Great!  Bad?  Then address the issue!" has become an automatic reflex for me, and one of the most valuable actions I can take.  Yes, there are moments with this where I stumble, because I give too many Second Chances and I tend to lead with love, forgiveness and compassion.  That is something I like about myself and that will likely never change, BUT I have also come to the realization that this mindset of mine can become a hindrance if I allow people too much leeway. I work on it regularly, this setting of boundaries, and for the most part, I feel that my life is abundantly blessed with like minded Souls who focus on the positives in life.

Those around me who choose darkness and negativity will always spark compassion within my heart, but I also know that detachment from such people is critical to my own well being.  I check in with myself endless times each day with that "How does this make me feel?" question.  In the beginning, this action can feel cumbersome and exhausting, but with repetition and mindfulness, it becomes a very healthy and beneficial habit.  The Daily Love article annotated above focuses on forgiveness being vital in these instances where we run up against negative mindset in others.  I agree with this wholeheartedly, and add my own thought that forgiveness with detachment is what works best for me.

Recognize the behavior in that other person that is negative, extend your heart in understanding, compassion, love and forgiveness....and remember to give yourself that same understanding, compassion, love and forgiveness followed up with detachment.  What do I mean by "detachment"?  I mean accepting this person for who they are, choosing how you will allow their presence in your life, or choosing to step back from regular interaction with them, and being okay with either outcome....this is detachment.  And believe me, it is challenging!  It is human nature to want to engage in the negativity, to defend ourselves against untruths and accusations that are motivated by darkness.  The reality is, nothing we say, no matter how much we attempt to explain, or respond to negativity, people who dwell in that place aren't going to be receptive.  Our Ego wants to jump right in and fight that battle.  Detachment, I have found, serves me much better and complements my Life Choices.

Finding that place of detachment where you do not attach ego to the outcome is a Big Ticket Item for all of us to work towards. What I can say of my own path with detachment is that it is the most freeing state of mind.  Achieving detachment is a whole separate blog post....probably hundreds of articles....so I will simply say it is a state that I seek actively.  Detachment doesn't mean being cold and withdrawn.  It means being in the most healthy mindset possible for YOU, loving and releasing attachment to what others think, say and do, then moving forward to pursue what makes you happiest.  You can choose to engage with that toxic person and expend a great deal of wasted energy, but ultimately it is more important to make yourself happy.  That person attacking you, vilifying you or jabbing at you won't change their behavior because of you, but YOU can choose to not engage, to forgive, to release with love and compassion, and seek detachment. That person may actually escalate their toxic behavior for a time, because you are not responding as they want; you are not playing their toxic game properly in their eyes.  How those people react is not your problem or your focus.  Your own mental and emotional health and harmony are what matters, because ultimately, a happy, healthy you will be a much more effective tool of change in the world.

The really interesting part of practicing detachment is that once you get the hang of it, and fully embrace it, you will find that the instances of negatively motivated people begin to fall off dramatically.  Detachment helps to cut the cycle of engaging in unhealthy, reactive behavior.  It allows us a healthy distance to recognize that those negatively motivated people are lost and stuck in a morass of seething emotions, without the coping skills to seek a better path.  This realization allows compassionate thought, understanding and love to step in, and forgiveness to be exercised.  It's a process, I won't lie to you, but it is a process well worth investing your time and attention.

My Granny Reagan, whom I quote often, phrased it very succinctly:

Tending to your own backyard will keep you plenty busy.  Don't worry about what others are planting, or if they're letting weeds grow.  Focus on your yard and let them do the same.          - Alpha Celestia Nelson Reagan

The answer is always within; we just have to be brave enough to search for it and absorb those truths.  Another strong truth is that there is only perceived lack, which will motivate those negative behaviors - in actual truth, there is enough everything for everyone.  If we can embrace this positive energy, Life begins to shift in a beautiful manner and there is simply no time left over to dwell in any other state but a positive one.  Choose good things for yourself.  Choose things and people who lift you up and encourage you, rather than those who tear you down and suck you dry.  Choose to embrace looking within and recognize what your own connection to Divine Presence is telling you, and act accordingly.  Easier said than done, of course, but each day gives us a chance to start fresh with better choices.  Make those better choices and watch how Life blossoms for you!