Morning Meditation - Necessary State Of Being

 Morning Meditation™️. Peace is a vitally necessary state of being. ✨

#HealingMorning  #MorningMeditation  #Peace  #NecessaryStateOfBeing  #WellBeing #Tranquility #MentalHealth

Morning Meditation - Relax Into Your Heart

 Morning Meditation™️. I do this multiple times a day, and it is so calming! Calming leads to healing, and healing is self-care. Treat yourself! ✨

#HealingMorning™️  #MorningMeditation™️  #RelaxIntoYourHeart  #SelfCare

Morning Meditation - Honor Yourself

 Morning Meditation™️. Honor yourself, first and foremost, because your state of mind, your mental health, and your perspective are your foundation. Keep them strong! ✨

#HealingMorning  #MorningMeditation  #YouMatter  #StateOfMind  #SelfCare  #MentalHealth  #WellBeing

Morning Meditation - Napping = Therapy

 Morning Meditation™️. This is a plain truth - indulge yourself! ✨

#HealingMorning  #MorningMeditation  #NappingTherapy  #SelfCare  #MentalHealth  #Rest

Morning Meditation - Quiet Time

 Morning Meditation™️. Have you built time into your day to explore who you are? It matters. Make the time. ✨

#HealingMorning™️  #MorningMeditation™️  #SelfCare  #SelfDiscovery

Healing Morning Extra - Do Not Believe The Lies

 This is important. I don’t think a single person gets through life without experiencing moments of dark despair, fear, abject loneliness, or hopelessness. Those emotions can overwhelm rational thoughts to the point that tragic, permanent decisions can seem to make a horrible kind of sense. If you are feeling any of these emotions, if you are thinking terribly negative thoughts, please do your best to step back, breathe, reach out to someone....anyone, and do something to break the cycle of those whispers. What I have written here is not meant to be dismissive of anyone’s pain, to make light of, or to brush off anyone who is struggling. I sincerely want to voice that you can get through what you are feeling. You matter, and you are so important to so many.  💖

*I wrote this, and created the quote card, in 2019. I believe that I will continue to share it each year, because the topic is so deeply important.*

#ChooseLife  #IAmRootingForYou  #HealingMorning  #MentalHealth  #Crisis  #Stay  #BreakTheCycleOfDestruction

Morning Meditation - Reach Out

 Morning meditation™️. Remember that the people you look to as a source of strength also deserve to feel supported, to be reminded they matter, and to be told they are appreciated. ✨

#HealingMorning™️  #MorningMeditationArchives™️  #ReachOutToTheBrightOnes

Morning Meditation - Playing Is Ageless

 Morning Meditation™️. Break out your Hula Hoop and indulge yourself with playtime! ✨

#MorningMeditationArchives  #HealingMorning™️  #PlaytimeIsAgeless  #HulaHoopIntoHappy

Morning Meditation - Simple Practice

 Morning meditation™️. This simple meditation can be done in mere seconds, or it can last for as long as needed. Give yourself this gift throughout the day! ✨

#HealingMorning™️  #MorningMeditationArchives™️  #SimpleMeditation  #BeGoodToYourself  #MicroMeditation

Morning Meditation - Release Anger, Seek Beauy

 Morning meditation. Choosing to release anger and upset is rarely easy. The doing of it, though, can deliver unexpected messages of healing. Seek magic & beauty, and invite healing. ✨

#MorningMeditation™️  #HealingMorning™️  #SeekMagic

Morning Meditation - Rest, Refresh, Renew

Morning meditation™️. You deserve rest, peace, and renewal. ✨

#HealingMorning™️  #MorningMeditationArchives™️  #SelfCare  #Renew

Morning Meditation - Seek a Greater Peace

 Morning meditation™️. Some wounds make no sense, and may never fully heal. In these circumstances, seeking peace greater than the pain is the only action I know to engage. ✨

#HealingMorning™️  #MorningMeditation™️  #SeekPeaceThatIsGreaterThanThePain

Morning Meditation - Do It Now

Morning meditation™️. This is not a new concept, but it shall always be a timely reminder. NOW matters the most. ✨

#HealingMorning™️  #MorningMeditation™️  #NOWMattersMost  #DoAllTheThingsNow

If it feels bad....pursue detachment!

Photo:  www.stopstressingnow.com

I get this wonderful e-newsletter each day in my Inbox.  It's called The Daily Love, and is the brain child of Mastin Kipp.  He starts each newsletter with a series of quotes chosen to underscore the content of his current Daily Love post.  Quite often, those quotes give me that "A-ha!" moment, and the subsequent ponderings occasionally will spark my own blog article.  Below is such a quote:

All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change you. The only thing blame does is to keep the focus off you when you are looking for external reasons to explain your unhappiness or frustration. You may succeed in making another feel guilty about something by blaming him, but you won't succeed in changing whatever it is about you that is making you unhappy.
- Dr. Wayne W. Dyer, quote taken from The Daily Love newsletter

We all know one, or probably several people who insist on focusing on negatives.  Emotional vampires.  People who insist on believing the worst of others.  People who insist on believing that everyone out there in the world is jealous of them, wants what they have and that all those other people are spiteful, hateful and envious.  They can take the most mundane, innocuous, sincere comment and warp it into something ugly, despite the fact that such negative, ugly intent was never intended.

Here is one thought that I know to be absolute truth:  if YOU spend the vast majority of your life believing that everyone else in the world is exhibiting one or more negative emotions such as jealousy and envy, the actual truth here is that YOU are describing yourself.  That may sound a bit convoluted, as it appears repetitive.  Let me put it into a different format:

We are incapable of accusing another person of a negative emotion unless we, ourselves, are guilty of fostering and acting out that same negative emotion. 

Do you insist that others are jealous of you?  Spiteful and envious?  I posit to you that you would never recognize such traits unless YOU are capable of perpetrating the same thoughts, behaviors and emotions.  Those are just random emotions and traits I plugged in as an example, but any negative emotion will fit the same premise.  Anger, hatred, envy, jealousy, discontentment, sour disposition.  I just do not believe we accuse people of things we're not also capable of harboring inside.

Another strong truth along this same line of thinking is that if you spend large amounts of time proclaiming all these other people to be a specific negative, who are you trying to convince?  If you actually need to constantly voice this opinion and insist it in a public forum, most likely, you're trying to convince yourself.

People who are emotionally healthy, balanced, happy and content won't even give thought or time to such an activity.  Emotionally healthy people find no need to waste valuable time and energy focusing on such negative behavior.  Emotionally healthy people recognize that what other people do, say or feel is really none of their business.  Why devote so much energy into trying to convince the world that other people are behaving in a negative manner??  What does that really accomplish?  It merely promotes more tension and negativity, and that, in turn, turns that negative energy inward.  I am not saying this is a 100% claim, but I notice that people who dwell in negativity like this quite often battle health issues that are difficult to diagnose.   All that negative energy that is being spewed outward tends to come right back to that person, multiplied, and it bombards their physical and etheric bodies with a level of toxicity that begins to spark health issues.  The sad part is, these people who dwell in negativity rarely see that they are a strong link in their own maladies.

Let me also say that I am not indicating every illness is self-initiated.  I am speaking of a very specific behavior here, where an individual knowingly and consciously focuses extreme levels of negativity and accusations outward.  From a psychological standpoint, there is a term called "leveling" that disturbed patients will adopt in order to manipulate those they see as "better than" in some manner.

These behaviors interfere with the normal process of socialization and character development, and they also often serve as tactics to manipulate and control others. - Counselingresource.com & Dr. George Simon, PhD. Psychology, Philosopy & Real Life blog, 2009

I am not indicating that every person out there who gets stuck in a negative mindset is emotionally and/or mentally disturbed, but I will point out again that those who are in a healthy state rarely waste time on this type of behavior.

Do we all have bad days and moments of crabbiness where we recognize ugly behavior and motives in others?  Of course we do!  And being able to recognize these things is a vital coping skill in today's world where we are bombarded with so much negativity on a daily basis.  Recognizing a negative behavior is one thing; endorsing and embracing a negative behavior is a completely different thing.  One is a sort of diagnostic ability and valuable to keep us on an even keel and able to avoid those negative personalities.  The other is literally making that choice to embrace negative thoughts and behaviors on a daily basis.  I think most of us would prefer to be the former of the two and able to take that proverbial High Road.

It is also important to note that people who dwell in these very dark, obsessive and unhappy states of mind are so caught in a whirlpool of their own discord that this is all they can experience. I imagine it must be a self-perpetuating cycle, and a very sad one.  Focusing blame on the rest of the world in order to make oneself feel superior is a truly sad state of existence, and these people are literally screaming to the world that they are in pain.  Sadder still, they spew their confusion, rage and childhood scars out onto the world in such a toxic manner that they are unaware of how abusive their behavior is towards others.

As happiness is what we all want, I always advocate looking within when something is making us feel a negative emotion.  The easiest definition or diagnostic tool we are given is a very simple one - if it feels bad, then something is wrong!  Plain and straightforward, yes?  If something or someone makes you feel badly, then that something or someone doesn't serve your better good. If it is a behavior you are exhibiting, honesty is necessary to change that behavior.  If it is a behavior coming from others and you have identified it as such, it is up to you to be strong enough to either address that negativity from those people, or be strong enough to choose to excise them from your daily life.  Both options require some work, some bravery and some pragmatism.  Often, some of those negative people are ones we love as friends or as family members, so the choice to cut those relationships takes time and careful thought.

In my younger days, I would frequently feel huge amounts of frustration when I interacted with people like this - the ones who dwell in negative mindset.  It took me a while to find balance and to instill personal boundaries.  That boundaries thing is one I still wrestle with, but it is now much easier.  That simple diagnostic tool of, "How does this make me feel?  Good?  Great!  Bad?  Then address the issue!" has become an automatic reflex for me, and one of the most valuable actions I can take.  Yes, there are moments with this where I stumble, because I give too many Second Chances and I tend to lead with love, forgiveness and compassion.  That is something I like about myself and that will likely never change, BUT I have also come to the realization that this mindset of mine can become a hindrance if I allow people too much leeway. I work on it regularly, this setting of boundaries, and for the most part, I feel that my life is abundantly blessed with like minded Souls who focus on the positives in life.

Those around me who choose darkness and negativity will always spark compassion within my heart, but I also know that detachment from such people is critical to my own well being.  I check in with myself endless times each day with that "How does this make me feel?" question.  In the beginning, this action can feel cumbersome and exhausting, but with repetition and mindfulness, it becomes a very healthy and beneficial habit.  The Daily Love article annotated above focuses on forgiveness being vital in these instances where we run up against negative mindset in others.  I agree with this wholeheartedly, and add my own thought that forgiveness with detachment is what works best for me.

Recognize the behavior in that other person that is negative, extend your heart in understanding, compassion, love and forgiveness....and remember to give yourself that same understanding, compassion, love and forgiveness followed up with detachment.  What do I mean by "detachment"?  I mean accepting this person for who they are, choosing how you will allow their presence in your life, or choosing to step back from regular interaction with them, and being okay with either outcome....this is detachment.  And believe me, it is challenging!  It is human nature to want to engage in the negativity, to defend ourselves against untruths and accusations that are motivated by darkness.  The reality is, nothing we say, no matter how much we attempt to explain, or respond to negativity, people who dwell in that place aren't going to be receptive.  Our Ego wants to jump right in and fight that battle.  Detachment, I have found, serves me much better and complements my Life Choices.

Finding that place of detachment where you do not attach ego to the outcome is a Big Ticket Item for all of us to work towards. What I can say of my own path with detachment is that it is the most freeing state of mind.  Achieving detachment is a whole separate blog post....probably hundreds of articles....so I will simply say it is a state that I seek actively.  Detachment doesn't mean being cold and withdrawn.  It means being in the most healthy mindset possible for YOU, loving and releasing attachment to what others think, say and do, then moving forward to pursue what makes you happiest.  You can choose to engage with that toxic person and expend a great deal of wasted energy, but ultimately it is more important to make yourself happy.  That person attacking you, vilifying you or jabbing at you won't change their behavior because of you, but YOU can choose to not engage, to forgive, to release with love and compassion, and seek detachment. That person may actually escalate their toxic behavior for a time, because you are not responding as they want; you are not playing their toxic game properly in their eyes.  How those people react is not your problem or your focus.  Your own mental and emotional health and harmony are what matters, because ultimately, a happy, healthy you will be a much more effective tool of change in the world.

The really interesting part of practicing detachment is that once you get the hang of it, and fully embrace it, you will find that the instances of negatively motivated people begin to fall off dramatically.  Detachment helps to cut the cycle of engaging in unhealthy, reactive behavior.  It allows us a healthy distance to recognize that those negatively motivated people are lost and stuck in a morass of seething emotions, without the coping skills to seek a better path.  This realization allows compassionate thought, understanding and love to step in, and forgiveness to be exercised.  It's a process, I won't lie to you, but it is a process well worth investing your time and attention.

My Granny Reagan, whom I quote often, phrased it very succinctly:

Tending to your own backyard will keep you plenty busy.  Don't worry about what others are planting, or if they're letting weeds grow.  Focus on your yard and let them do the same.          - Alpha Celestia Nelson Reagan

The answer is always within; we just have to be brave enough to search for it and absorb those truths.  Another strong truth is that there is only perceived lack, which will motivate those negative behaviors - in actual truth, there is enough everything for everyone.  If we can embrace this positive energy, Life begins to shift in a beautiful manner and there is simply no time left over to dwell in any other state but a positive one.  Choose good things for yourself.  Choose things and people who lift you up and encourage you, rather than those who tear you down and suck you dry.  Choose to embrace looking within and recognize what your own connection to Divine Presence is telling you, and act accordingly.  Easier said than done, of course, but each day gives us a chance to start fresh with better choices.  Make those better choices and watch how Life blossoms for you!

The Emperor Illusion

Photo: www.healthwatchcenter.com

Remember the fairytale, The Emperor's New Clothes?  It focuses on the fact that life is about illusions and we are what we choose to be, see, think and perceive.

For a good stretch of years, I've battled a personal health issue that required endless rounds of medications.  Those medications had the unfortunate side effect of weight gain, and the more frustrating part was that when the meds stopped, the weight gain didn't magically poof.  Nope, it stayed and I had to take it off the old fashioned way, with exercise, focus and hard work.  Repeatedly.  At times, it felt like it would never end.

Having been a naturally slender person my whole life up until that point, it was a definite painful experience to gain large amounts of weight in such a short period of time. I experienced some of the ugliest treatment in public, by complete strangers who felt they had the right to judge and treat me in a shockingly negative manner.  I became invisible to a great extent, somewhat due to my own insecurities and also due to that unspoken bias that the general public has towards people with weight issues.  I call it the most cruel, unspoken prejudice that exists.  For some reason, overweight people scare the world.  Seeing someone with weight issues sparks some inner terror in others that it could happen to them, so they react in a very childish and vicious manner, taunting, throwing ugly labels and hurtful names, judgment, laughter and petty actions at those overweight people.  It is one of the most disappointing things that I've witnessed and experienced, multiple times, in my whole life.  I also continue to observe this bias and cruel, thoughtless judgment in others on a regular basis, and the psychology behind the unkind behavior was part of the impetus to write this article.

If any of those people had taken time to talk to me, they would have learned that I'm not a "fat, lazy slob who sits around stuffing my face".  Yes, I've had that comment thrown at me more than once, in various forms. People looked at me, saw a weight issue and automatically decided I was lazy and ate to excess, and being overweight was a conscious choice.  This couldn't be farther from the reality and truth.

During the whole health crisis odyssey that I battled, I exercised regularly (still do, for that matter), I ate a sensible, healthy food plan and I still gained weight due to the medications I was taking.  Let me stress that I am not sharing this story to defend myself. I don't think anyone with weight issues should ever be made to feel they owe anyone explanations, defenses or anything else about themselves.  Gaining weight is not something that I "did" to anyone, or even to myself.  It happened as a result of medications meant to save my life. I didn't "make" it happen by being lazy, nor did I "allow" it to happen. I am at peace with what I went through with this health issue and the ongoing management of it.  The reason I am sharing this story is the same reason I write anything here at Healing Morning....to reach out, to talk about a difficult topic, to expose my thoughts and experiences, and to possibly help others in similar circumstances.

Let me also take a moment to talk about the other side of this coin.  There are many people who battle underweight issues that are just as misunderstood, just as harshly judged and who experience pain, humiliation and insecurities because of the way society views and treats them.  Being underweight for those individuals is just as difficult to experience as obesity is for another individual.  There is an automatic judgement that very thin people are anorexic and/or bulemic.  While this may be the case at times, it is not a blanket truth to apply to every extremely thin person.  My sister battles this underweight issue, as does a very dear friend.  Neither of them are doing anything to cause this underweight issue to occur; it is a medical by product that both are working hard with their respective doctors to figure out.  Yet people who don't know them feel qualified to judge and make unkind comments. Compassion seems to be at a low ebb when extreme weight issues on either side of the coin exist.

So, fast forward to about 2 years ago.  I made a conscious choice to stop the medical approach I had been implementing for over 12 years.  I was warned by my doctor that if I stopped the meds, I would die.  Blunt, plain and simple.  "You'll die, Dawn."  My quality of life was at such a low ebb that I felt a few weeks of not being on those meds and dying as a result just might be worth it.  So, I stopped.  Cold turkey, which probably wasn't all that safe or intelligent on my part, but that's what I did.  One week passed.  I was still alive.  Two weeks.  Then a month, then six months, and now, obviously, a couple years....and I'm still alive.  Let me say that I do not suggest anyone else follow my line of thinking.  I am not sharing specific details of my own health issue, because it's a personal one and I don't want to influence anyone who might have a similar health issue.  My choice was specific to my own life and I am not advocating that others take such a radical step.

These days, I am, for the most part, prescription medication free.  I still have the same health issue, and occasionally it does flare up and require taking those old medications again.  And yes, as a result, I quickly gain weight again that has to be taken off slowly, with hard work.  I'm okay with that, as these episodes are infrequent now.  I manage the symptoms, for the most part, with yoga, exercise, meditation and an eating and supplements plan that I've devised over the years.  When prescription medications become necessary, I bow to the inevitable and deal with it.

Why, then, do I reference "The Emperor Illusion"?  Because I did something the other day that really changed my perceptions.  And it may make some of you uncomfortable to read this.  I took a short video of myself, stark naked, from all angles.  Yep, I really did.  Then I viewed it with as close to objective eyes as I could manage.  Let me also say that I am currently up in weight again, due to two episodes that required prescription meds in November and December 2011.  The resultant weight gain happened and I'm now in the process of losing weight again.  In the past couple of years, my perceptions of myself have shifted, and let me say they've done so for the better.  I no longer espouse the same cruel thoughts of myself as fat and ugly that complete strangers jeeringly threw in my face.  It has taken many years to get to this point of acceptance and self-love, and I have good and bad days with it.  For the most part, though, I'm pretty happy with my body and how I look.

The exercise with the naked video was to see myself, clearly.  And you know what?  I was pleasantly surprised.  My mind's eye perception of myself was much less flattering than the video image showed me to be.  I had, in effect, been giving myself a version of the Emperor's New Clothes with a negative connotation. The reality that I saw on the video was nothing like the mental image of myself that I have been carrying around - in fact, it was much better than that mental image!

Yes, I want to continue to lose weight and get back to a size where I'm comfortable and happier, but I really was surprised and pleased that the image I beheld....myself, naked in this video, was a beautiful woman.  I've had a few experiences over the years where I was given the chance to view myself through the eyes of a stranger (One Wish, Healing Morning, 9/15/2009) and that proved to be a valuable learning experience.  What I learned from this intentional exercise with the naked video is a different lesson, and it was equally valuable.  I learned that my own perceptions are magnified in a negative manner and not always accurate....an Emperor's Clothes Illusion, per se.

Friends and family have insisted over the years that they saw me as beautiful, despite the weight gain, and I believe them.  Love sees beauty, and I'm fortunate to be blessed with love from family and friends.  I was stumbling for many years with the concept of loving myself, though.  I believed the "fat and ugly and worthless" slurs that strangers, and some people close to me threw at me.  I internalized those ugly words and beat myself down for a long time.

Today, life is different.  I have found ways to manage my health issue that allow me to step away from prescription medications, for the most part.  I no longer walk around in a mental fog from the medications, and the changes I've made with alternative holistic healing methods have made incredible positive changes in my emotional and physical health.  I've always been a happy soul, but that happiness was muffled for many years by the prescription meds.  Years of working on my emotional health has also provided huge strides forward in my ability to accept and love myself.

I was brave enough to do something most would cringe at....to film myself naked, from all angles, and then view that video.  What I saw was a healthy woman with shining eyes, skin and hair, who radiates a happy energy.  Did I see flaws?  Things I want to change and improve?  Of course I did!  We're all our own worst critics in that regard.  There is an actual disorder that exists called Body Dysmorphic Disorder that causes people to see a very skewed version of themselves in the mirror.  I think we all do this to a certain extent, and that is why I chose to make this video.  A video gives a better impression, as close to a three dimensional image as possible of how we look, where a mirror can give that flat, one dimensional image that we might tend to not view as clearly and realistically.

Ultimately, what I saw was not an ugly, obese, slovenly, lazy individual or any other ugly label I've been called.  I saw pretty.  I saw healthy.  I saw confident. I even saw, to my very real surprise, sexy.  I have had male and female friends alike tell me, quite bluntly, that I project a very confident, sexy presence. For the longest time, I just could not wrap my mind around how they could see such a thing, but I did believe them, as they were being sincere. With this video, I admit that I could finally see what they've been remarking on. Very important - I felt an inner sense of acceptance.  I recognized that I do still hold on to some Emperor's Clothing perceptions of my physical body, and it was a nice surprise to see that my perceptions were actually inaccurate.  I'm doing quite well and I am happy with where I am at this moment in my life.  I have intentions to continue to lose weight, but those intentions are driven by my own wishes and goals....not by the negative remarks of others.

I also think it is important to note that when others DO choose to be abusive and judgmental towards someone because of their physical appearance, it is NEVER truly about that person being singled out. The problem resides in the one casting judgment, as they are attacking something about which they carry a deep seated fear.  They are terrified of this same thing - being over or underweight - happening to them, so they lash out, they judge, they make hurtful and condescending remarks, feeling sanctimonious, safe and convicted in their judgments. This is not meant to be a rebound attack on my part towards those types of people. I just felt it merited mentioning the psychology behind this type of mindset.

I did find this a valuable exercise and of such value that I was driven to write the experience here at Healing Morning.  I may do it again, this naked video exercise, if at some point I find myself repeating old and negative mind chatter.  I may never do it again.  Who knows?  For now, it is an experience that taught me something surprisingly powerful and encouraging. And interestingly, as I sat back to ponder the intelligence of posting this article in the last week, I have run across several female friends who have brought up discussions regarding weight issues and how we are perceived and judged by our weight.  I took this as a Divine nod, a nudge of sorts, of the serendipitous kind, and I am now convinced it is the right decision to publish this.

I believe we're given challenges....be they health challenges, financial ones or any myriad of applications....as an opportunity to grow.  To change.  To refine Self.  To release petty beliefs, thoughts and actions.  To embrace compassion and acceptance, not only of Self, but of everyone.  I've always been strong with compassion and acceptance of others.  My weakness for a long stretch of years was compassion and acceptance of ME.  I'm working on it, and as I write this, I'm smiling.  What I hope discussing this topic will do, in the long run, is present a different perception for people....about weight issues in general, about compassion, about thinking before you judge a complete stranger on the street because of the way they look, about acceptance and shifting the way we all view the world and our place in it.

Just say "No!".....

Photo: www.clker.com/clipart-no-sign.html

Update: December 2010
Sometimes I find that I wrote a past blog that I can't improve upon, but that addresses an ongoing yearly issue.  This post is such a one, and rather than try to reinvent my own wheel, I'm just going to re-post this one. :)  Best wishes to everyone for the approaching New Year of 2011!

We're at that inevitable moment approaching the New Year where practically everyone you speak with throws the "What's your New Year's resolution?" question at you.  Don't get me wrong - this practice works for a lot of people to get motivated, start the New Year fresh, get organized and make lists of all the things they plan to accomplish.  I've never embraced the resolution concept because I don't enjoy having something hanging over my head, making me feel obligated to do, be or feel differently on a specific timeline.  To be facetious for a wee moment, I'm more a fan of the "Just say 'No!' to New Year's Resolutions!" mindset.

I am of the opinion that striving to live daily in a conscious manner works better.  This may sound like a cop-out, but the reverse is actually true.  By living consciously, I mean paying attention to my thoughts, my actions, my words, my tone of voice, even my physical movements and the things I eat and drink on a daily basis.  It requires being physically, mentally and emotionally present on a moment by moment basis, again, each and every day.

I can tell you that choosing to embrace this concept is challenging.  There are plenty of days that I fail spectacularly on all of the above.  Those are the days that can be frustrating, yes.  However, the concept of living consciously is not meant to be an onerous task, or an invisible tool with which to torment ourselves.  For me, it is a personal choice to strive each day to be the best version of myself it is possible to accomplish.  On the days that I fall short of my own personal expectations, I am then realistic and kind to myself.  There are going to be those days where things, people, traffic, work, kids, etc., all conspire to make any sane person's head want to spin around on their shoulders.  Bad days happen. 

What I have found, over the years that I began to actively incorporate this practice of living consciously into my daily existence, is that the more you do it, the easier it becomes.  I am fortunate to have a calm, peaceful core nature which serves me well in business situations where various personalities can clash, tempers can fray and power struggles are constant.  At a very young age, something within me recognized that operating in what I call a reactive (i.e., unconscious) manner produced people who walked around in a constant state of dissatisfaction.  I observed, studied, did a lot of thinking and reading and resolved to not be that same reactive type of personality.  Being mindful of my actions is how I chose to live my life, and from that point forward, it has worked for me. 

Does all of this mean I think I shouldn't embrace the New Year's Resolution craze?  Am I saying I'm perfect and not in need of resolving to change certain things?  Of course not - I am far from perfect and certainly it is true that I have my own rough edges in need of smoothing and refining.  I just prefer to address those issues and behaviors on a regular, daily basis, rather than letting it all build up to tackle at the beginning of the New Year.  That way, when the New Year does roll in to greet me, I am able to step forward with enjoyment and not dread some looming list of Have To's that will hang over my head and dog my every waking moment.

This is what works for me, so in a sense, if pushed to write out a resolution for the New Year of 2010, or any future New Year (as I re-post this for the approaching 2011 New Year) it would be to stay true to my convictions and continue to live in the purposeful manner that works well for me.  This works so well for me, in fact, that it is the basis of a manuscript I am writing and have intentions of submitting for publication in the near future, so please stay tuned for news of this!  As this year winds to conclusion, I wish you all the best, brightest approach to the New Year that each of you can imagine for yourselves.

This art called napping

*Photo courtesy of
http://www.hahastop.com/

Naps - doesn't the very word just make you smile?  Well, it does if you're past the age of 8, probably.  Childhood is about the only time in our lives when the word "nap" is a bad thing.  There's playing to be done, after all....trees to climb, siblings to pester, the whole world to explore in your backyard.  Who has time for a nap when all it does is interrupt all the fun?  Adults are just weird that way. 

Flash forward to adult years and oh my, yes, the concept of napping takes on overtones of sinfully decadent indulgence.  Snoozing an extra five minutes in the morning can honestly save your sanity and keep your co-workers safe for one more business day.  The thought of snatching twenty minutes in the middle of the day to zone out and recharge can produce a wistful sigh, as very few of us are granted that luxury during the business week.

Other countries are smarter than the United States in that they do recognize the logic behind resting during the middle of the day.  Mid-afternoon naps exist and thrive in numerous countries, all of whom embrace a much slower, more sane and, I daresay more healthy approach to life.  Naps are a good thing from all perspectives.

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http://www.parade.com/

For each of us, the ideal nap has its own persona.  Some prefer their beds with crisp, freshly laundered bed linens and tons of poofy pillows.  Others are couch napping afficianados.  Many prefer a hammock or porch swing, and there are some who will stretch out on the floor for a quick snooze.  My older sister has this incredible ability - incredible to my way of thinking because I don't possess this ability - to nap at will.  She can fall asleep at the drop of a hat, in noisy and/or uncomfortable conditions.  Not so for me.  I have to have quiet and at least a bit of comfort to snooze during the day.  But ohhh...on the rare occasions it does happen, I find a nap to be a thing of beauty!

You have to throw in the question of what constitutes a nap, I suppose.  Some argue that a nap shouldn't be longer than twenty minutes.  Webster's Dictionary defines a nap thusly:

Main Entry: 1nap
Pronunciation: \ˈnap\
Function: intransitive verb
Inflected Form(s): napped; nap·ping
Etymology: Middle English nappen, from Old English hnappian; akin to Old High German hnaffezen to doze
Date: before 12th century
1 : to sleep briefly especially during the day : doze
2 : to be off guard

So, according to the above definition, to nap is to sleep briefly.  Those of us who are true nap connoisseurs will disagree and staunchly defend the concept of a 2-3 hour stretch of sleep as fitting into the parameters of a nap.  I fall into this category, as sleeping for only twenty minutes actually makes me more tired, groggy and irritable than I was before I napped in the first place!  I feel a nap should be at least one hour or longer to qualify as a true experience of the act. 

*Photo courtesy of
http://www.rockingrocker.com/

I prefer a longer nap and cooler temperatures, but there's also something to be said for being outside and catching a stretch of sleep in some shady spot.  Fresh air, the sounds of nature around you...that's just pure bliss to fall asleep and wake up to!  Some people enjoy napping on the beach, out under the full blaze of the sun.  I'm not one of them.  Sweating and napping don't go together in my world.  I'm more fond of the porch swing nap, as it keeps me out of the sun but allows me to still hear the birds chirping and feel the breeze blowing, smell the flowers blooming as I drift off to the gentle sway of the porch swing.

Animals seem to be the most savvy nap takers around.  Watch your cats and dogs - they know the value of a well executed nap!  That cold spot on the kitchen floor keeps their tummy cool and who knows, when they wake up, one of their people might be around to dole out a snack. 

Perhaps that's another reason we as human beings love naps so much - we remember our own childhood naps in a similar way.  Mom would always be there to hand out a snack and give us a hug when we woke up. 

We know from a medical perspective that getting sufficient rest is healthy and necessary.  The pace of the modern world is such that unfortunately, many people find naps to be their most common source of sleep.  This is saddening, as we all deserve a truly good, solid night of sleep.  Naps should, in my world, be a treat - that icing on the cake, that cherry on top of the sundae, that extra bite of a delicious meal - something to indulge in with gusto and enjoyment!  No agenda, no particular place to be but right there in that spot that invites you to settle in and snooze peacefully, allowing your body, mind and spirit to rest, regroup and recharge. 

*Photo courtesy of
http://www.fineartamerica.com/

I think that porch swing is calling my name....

....and I'm on my way to answering! 

There is an art to resting, and one facet of this art is called napping.
 
Take a nap, my friends.  A long, extended, absolutely self-indulgent....nap.  It's good for you, and you'll thank me!

________________________
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New word delight

One of my Facebook friends recently posted a word I hadn't ever heard before: apophenia.

I'm an inveterate reader and get excited beyond what might be considered logical when I run across a word I haven't heard before. In fact, I'm so word oriented, that I asked for years for the Webster's Unabridged Dictionary as a Christmas gift. You're reading this and saying, "Okay, we all have a dictionary in the house. Nothing special." This version is HUGE. I whipped out my tape measure to give dimensions - it is over 20 inches tall, and close to 8 inches thick. To put that into perspective, it is taller and about as wide as your basic hard drive tower (the older versions). I have it on a library stand in my office and rarely walk past it on any given day without spending some enjoyable minutes paging through and devouring words, meaning, history, etc.

So, apophenia - the Wikipedia explantion of this is as follows:

Apophenia is the experience of seeing patterns or connections in random or meaningless data. The term was coined in 1958 by Klaus Conrad,[1] who defined it as the "unmotivated seeing of connections" accompanied by a "specific experience of an abnormal meaningfulness".

Conrad originally described this phenomenon in relation to the distortion of reality present in psychosis, but it has become more widely used to describe this tendency in healthy individuals without necessarily implying the presence of neurological differences or mental illness.

In the case of autistic spectrum disorders, including Asperger syndrome and individuals who are autistic savants, individuals may in fact be aware of patterns (such as those present in complex systems, large numbers, music, etc) that are infrequently noticed by neurotypical people. Rather than being aware of patterns that do not exist, autistic individuals may be aware of meaningful patterns within situations that appear meaningless to others. Indeed, in some philosophies (e.g. existentialism), meaning is something subjective, unique to each person, that must be achieved. What, then, is 'abnormal' meaning? [2]

After reading through the full Wiki page on this word, I sat back to ponder. Conrad applied this word to the phenomenon of recognizing patterns and connections. He was studying what are looked at as abnormal behaviors and psychosis. In light of that fact, my own thoughts might seem to be a slight reach, or a monumental one, depending on the interpretation of the reader. I happen to believe, upon reading this interesting information, that we all recognize these patterns and connections - we're just normally distracted by the overwhelming, multiple stressors and obligations of the workday world.

Could this concept marry up with the phenomenon of serendipity? I think it can.

Serendipity is defined as is the effect by which one accidentally discovers something fortunate, especially while looking for something entirely unrelated.

That sounds quite similar to the concept of apophenia to me, albeit in a non-mental illness application! The Wiki definition does go on to say that subsequent understanding and application of the word apophenia is becoming more mainstream. I would say that that fact all on its own is an astonishing shift in consciousness in the medical and psychiatric communities, to allow that a definition meant for severely mentally challenged individuals can also apply to completely healthy, highly functioning individuals. That type of identification of mental and emotional status rarely crosses boundaries from one world to the other.

Do I have a point? I do, and it is that I learned a new word for what I normally call serendipity, and that gave me a happy moment today. The word apophenia opened up a whole new world of contemplation and study, and that's always exciting for me. The final thought is that this new-to-me word introduced me to a new concept, which, in turn, brought me full circle back to one of my favorite words. That would be, it appears, a stunning example of.....serendipity!

Funny and fascinating how I recognized that pattern. My recognition, was, however, very motivated! I love to discover these so-called random connections...about words, about music, about inspiration, about relationships, about history....about anything, really. It broadens my mind, forces me to observe and contemplate topics and concepts I might not otherwise ever look for intentionally. As a result, I am constantly growing and changing in a very elemental way.

Fall cleaning and pruning

The autumn months always seem to be a stronger time of change for me. I'm sure that varies per individual, but for me, fall seems to usher in changes on many levels. Currently, I am in a deeply contemplative space and have been paying close attention to my own thoughts, actions and how they are sending messages to the world and people around me. The realization that follows is that it is time to do some fall cleaning and pruning off of deadwood in my personal sphere. This is never an easy undertaking, as it means putting an end to relationships that are not productive. Emotions rise to the surface on a personal level, as well as the recognition that the deadwood you intend to prune away, i.e, people, perhaps work, old habits will cause ripples of reaction.

We've all reached this point, countless times, regarding old friendships that seem to make us tired rather than inspire and lift us up. Generally, the automatic thought process is to give it a little more time, a little more energy and wait to see if things turn around. This is a valid approach, as all relationships experience ebb and flow, waxing and waning moments. We all have busy lives, families and priorities that eat up our time. It is understandable that there are moments when friendships do get put on the back burner. What I am speaking of, however, is that point that you reach when it is plain that said relationship is no longer positively serving either party involved. This can mean marriage, it can mean work relationships, it can mean the job you're currently working, it can mean girlfriends, guy friends, church friends....you name it, and the relationship can reach a zenith.

I believe that we come into one another's lives to teach, to learn and to grow as a result of that interaction. It has been a bit of a struggle for me over the years, learning to let go when I could feel the beginning of the end of a given relationship. Everything inside me would clutch up in a mindless panic, that, oh no....I'm losing that person that I love! I have no magic solutions for how to deal with the inevitably painful process, other than time, age and experience teaching that all things have a season. The more important topic at hand, I think, is to become aware of the patterns surrounding you, and learn to adapt. You have it within your power to create an ideal atmosphere for yourself, with the best situations, best people, best work, best everything surrounding you. In order to do that, you must first identify what it is that is working, and what it is that is not working in your life.

The most efficient way to judge any situation is if it feels good or bad. Your emotions are your most accurate divining rod for literally everything you experience. Is a relationship making you happy? Or is it dragging you down and leaving you feeling depressed when you spend time with a specific person? Do you feel as though you are the one constantly giving more than 50% of the energy into that relationship? I find that to be a good starting point when I make the decision to review my personal sphere of influence. If you are at that point where you do, indeed, feel a decided lack of balance and you also are aware that you have done everything possible to change that dynamic, perhaps it is time to do some fall cleaning of your own. While it may feel just the opposite, this is actually a very healthy thing to do for yourself.

Is there a perfect way to achieve this? No, as each situation is unique, they all require different approaches and methods. I am all for straight talk and being up front with people. In fact, one of my pet peeves is when people refuse to address what is right in front of their noses. For whatever reason, it has become acceptable to sweep important, valid emotions under the proverbial rug, ignore them until they grow into monstrous proportions and then just disappear from a relationship with no explanation. That, without fail, can create more questions, hurt feelings and wounds than having an honest conversation. Questions, hurt feelings and wounds can linger indefinitely, whereas an honest conversation, while potentially painful when the topic is ending a relationship, can be cathartic for all parties. This, I believe, can be a vital part of your individual mental health. Knowing where you stand with any given relationship, knowing that everything is out in the open, can be very empowering and freeing.

You will know best which method to use in your own life and your own situations. You'll also probably make some mistakes along the way, but you'll learn from those experiences. In the end, you will eventually find a process that fits your life and your personality, and will honor the relationships you are involved in. Holding on to connections that no longer serve a purpose can become toxic, can cause unpleasant limbo and can bleed over into other relationships. Many times in the past, I have done that needless holding on, to my own detriment. Through trial and error, and the simple process of growth, I have developed my own way of dealing with the not always enjoyable realization that it is time to do my own fall cleaning and pruning.

Does ending a relationship mean that it is ended permanently? Of course not. In fact, I have very recently reconnected with a girlfriend who was dear to my heart over 12 years ago. Casting my mind back to the time that the friendship began to dwindle, I can remember the timeframe that it began. I recognized inwardly that both of us were heading in different directions, with different dreams and I could actually feel the energy shifting between us. Was there an exact moment I can pinpoint that things ended? There was a timeframe, but not an actual moment that we sat down and discussed the situation. It was more of a gentle drifting apart until we completely lost track of one another.

Jump forward to present day, and the phenomenon of Facebook proved to be the catalyst for reconnecting to occur. We are different women now, 12 years later, but in so many ways, still the same people who clicked so well so many years ago. She is still dear to my heart, regardless of 12 years spent apart and becoming new versions of ourselves. So, the good news is, when the time is right and if you are meant to reconnect in the future, it will happen.

Love never dies, as it is an immutable energy. It can change, certainly, and most times, for the better. Be open to change, my friends; this is the strongest lesson any of us can learn. A scary lesson, to be sure, but one that can create unimaginable joy if we are brave enough to allow it and embrace it. I can say from personal experience with a whole slew of recent reconnections of old friendships, the joy is immense. It is a fascinating process to spend years apart from someone you loved, then come back together and discover all the snazzy nuances they have achieved in the interim.

Another happy instance is this: with endings, as we are all aware, come new beginnings. It may sound trite and overused as an analogy, but there is strong, sure truth in the statement that when one door closes, another one opens. This applies to all relationships - work, friends, family - when there is an ending, God, the Universe, simple serendipity, call it what you will, but a Higher Power will provide a new beginning. Nature abhors a vacuum, and thus, a newly vacant space is soon filled with new energy.

Your job, as a person who is working to honor your own existence, is to remain clear-headed and aware enough to recognize those new beginnings. Sometimes they slip in with the silence of morning, other times they come booming into your life with the energy of a Force Five hurricane. We can get caught up so easily in distractions that we often overlook the obvious, so pay attention! If you're thinking of fall cleaning and pruning, do it bravely and also be prepared for those new beginnings. Life is full of change, and every moment is a perfect one, if you choose to make it so.

Let's talk reincarnation

Some will read the title above and immediately freak. Most likely the people who find my blog are already of a similar mindset, so I won't waste time explaining or proving the concept of reincarnation. You will either click to jump from my blog to something else that interests you, or you'll bide a wee here and keep reading.

I want to discuss Dr. Michael Newton's Life Between Lives regression therapy. About twelve years ago, I "accidentally" stumbled across Michael's books at my favorite place to be....a bookstore. I think it may have been Barnes & Noble, but can't say for sure. Any bookstore is a happy place for me. I was looking for something to pick up as a gift for a friend in the hospital and the rule there is, if I enter a bookstore to pick up a gift, I get one for myself as well. That keeps me from going hog wild and keeps the purchasing insanity to a minimum. So, there I was, poking around in the New Age section and that's where I discovered Michael Newton. He is a psychologist and a hypnotherapist who specializes in regression therapy - taking a subject back to a past life in order to heal issues existing in the current life. At some point in his practice, Michael inadvertently gave a "wrong" command to his client, and rather than taking that person back to a past life, he wound up taking them to Between Lives - that space we occupy after completing a lifetime and preparing for the next go 'round. I was hooked immediately and devoured that first book in record time, then went in search of the second book Michael had written. The titles are "Journey of Souls" and "Destiny of Souls" and can be found on Barnes & Noble or Amazon websites.

In order to not spoil the lovely experience for you too much, I won't go into broad detail about each book. I will say that reading Michael's work was a life changing experience for me, personally. For those of you who pick up either book, I am going so far as to say that you also will be changed by reading the contents. Michael has compiled over 20 years of case studies of Life Between Lives (LBL) regressions that challenge the reader to embrace concepts that we are not raised to contemplate in the U.S. Reincarnation obviously flies in the face of most American theological beliefs and Michael's work is not different in that regard. You will read of concepts that dabble in quantum physics and the ability to split energy and "bi-locate" into more than one existence, or lifetime. You will learn of life contracts made prior to birth in your current life, of viewing chambers that "program" key moments, images and circumstances into your subconscious as a kind of migration instinct in order to connect with vital members of your Primary Soul Group, and many more concepts that I won't go into here. Search these two books out, read them, and shoot me a comment after.

I'm always fascinated to hear how other people are affected by this whole concept, and I regularly recommend both books to anyone who will listen. For those of you who then decide to seek out a hypnotherapist and experience a LBL session, there is a website available for you to search out a therapist trained in Michael's specific techniques. If you're interested, click here to go to the website for The Newton Institute. Michael is now semi-retired and rarely does LBL sessions these days, preferring to do the occasional lecture for large groups, as well as guest appearances at various hypnotherapy schools. I was fortunate enough to be able to correspond with Michael for several years and he has a very large, warm, healing energy, as you might imagine. I went on to have this type of regression session done after writing back and forth with Michael and being guided to a therapist he had trained personally. It was quite an experience, but that's a topic for another blog.

We come here to learn, that much is clear even if you don't embrace the concept of reincarnation. How fascinating, if...just IF, however, we really do come back again and again, and there are all these infinite layers, energies, stories, dramas and experiences to explore?