Morning Meditation - Guiding Force & Mainstay

 Morning Meditation. This Scripture speaks strongly to my life experience. 🕊️

#HealingMorning #MorningMeditation #PsalmsSixtyThreeSeven #Uplift #Solace #Comfort #Faith #Strength

Morning Meditation - Don’t Give Up!

 Morning Meditation. Please don’t give up. ✨

#HealingMorning #MorningMeditation #LightInTheDarkness #DoNotGiveUp #Faith #Hope #Determination #Strength

Morning Meditation - Truth and Peace

 Morning Meditation™️. A moment of truth and peace. ✨

#HealingMorning  #MorningMeditation™️ #NehemiahEightTen  #Joy  #Strength

Morning Meditation - Have Faith

 Morning Meditation™️. Have Faith. ✨

#HealingMorning  #MorningMeditation  #HaveFaith  #Hope  #Strength  #Fortitude  #Courage  #Belief

Morning Meditation - Shades of Lavender

 Morning Meditation™️. For me, the shade of lavender has always evoked peace, strength, and quiet blessings as I allow my mind to go into prayerful, meditative state. ✨

#HealingMorning  #MorningMeditation  #QuietBlessings  #ShadesOfLavender  #Peace

Morning Meditation - Have Faith

 Morning Meditation™️. Have faith. It is the foundation from which all good things spring forth. 🕊

#MorningMeditationArchives™️  #HealingMorning™️  #HaveFaith 🕊

Morning Meditation - We Endure

 Morning Meditation™️. This is one of my favorite quotes by Albert Camus. The human spirit is an enduring spirit!✨

#HealingMorning™️  #MorningMeditationArchives™️  #AlbertCamus  #WeAreStrongerThanWeKnow

Morning Meditation - Vulnerability

 Morning Meditation™️. Growth is so important, even in small stages. We grow when we act in vulnerability, & we grow when we receive  vulnerability kindly from someone else.✨

#HealingMorning™️  #MorningMeditation™️  #Growth  #Vulnerability  #Sincerity  #Kindness  #Compassion

We continue.

Today, December 14, 2012 is a very sad day in the history of the United States.  In the town of Newtown, Connecticut, a young man walked into Sandy Hook elementary school and opened fire in a kindergarten class, killing children and going on to kill several adults throughout the school.  He also committed murder at a separate location. As of a few minutes ago, the death toll had reached 20 children and six adults dead.

Social media swept the story across the world in mere seconds, giving rise to typical and inevitable accusations, theories and debates.  I experienced a true level of frustration at the fact that the debating and arguing began before those slain have even been given over to their families to begin the mourning process.  I find that part of the whole thing to be shameful, distasteful and disrespectful to the memories of the ones slain and to the integrity of the surviving loved ones.  Now is not the time to raise squabbling and ranting about gun control, or how the United States should be able to manage this type of insanity more efficiently.

So, how do we get through this type of tragedy, when it is so overwhelming and so senseless?  It tears at the heart in a particularly piercing manner to know that 20 wee lives were extinguished.  Young ones who had their whole lives ahead of them, going to school, innocent and deserving of protection and an inalienable sense of safety.  Six adult lives extinguished who performed a noble task daily, teaching young ones and stewarding them through each calendar year.  It is beyond human ability to comprehend, to absorb.  Yet, we do it, somehow.

We do keep living through the trauma moments, as well as the fallout and recovery of it all.  Through the doing of what needs to be done, we keep living through it.

There is also a level of Grace that occurs in the midst of this type of trauma.  We shift into a level of auto-pilot reality where we are somewhat removed from our bodies and emotions.  It's a protective mechanism, what shock does to our body and our mind, our reasoning.  I can clearly recall the thoughts that run through my mind at such a moment, when I have been faced with a tragedy of such enormous proportions that have stretched my ability to respond.

*Please know that these thoughts are not meant to undermine, or compare to, the incredible grief that the families of the ones slain today in Connecticut are experiencing.*:

"This can't be happening."  And I keep living through it.

"This isn't real."  And I keep living through it.

"I don't know how I'm going to do this."  And I keep living through it.

"I don't think I can do this." And I keep living through it.

"I can't believe I'm doing this."  And I keep living through it.

"This doesn't seem real, now that I'm doing it."  And I keep living through it.

"I can't believe I made it through that." And I keep living after I've done it.

"I don't know how I got through that." And I keep living after I've done it.

"I don't know how I'm going to keep living, now - the pain is still so overwhelming."  And I keep living through it.

"Looking back, I have no idea how I did everything that needed doing during that time."  And I keep living.

This is the unquestionable beauty of the human spirit, that we continue.  Despite all manner of crippling tragedy, we continue.  These human forms that house our Spirit slip into a mechanical state to allow us a buffer, and this is how we continue.  In a numbed state, on automatic pilot, guided by the kindness and love of those around us, if we're fortunate and blessed.  Lifted up by the equal kindness of complete strangers.  A simple touch, or a smile, or a task done without our asking.  A quiet moment where we are received and embraced and allowed to be in our raw grief without judgment.

In the coming days, more details will surface as to the motives of the young man who committed this unspeakable crime.  Endless debates about gun control will reign ad infinitum.  Discussion about mental health and the failings of our healthcare system will also jockey for position in the media.  Sensationalism, unfortunately, will also race at the head of the pack, spewing out needless details that do dishonor to the name of the media.

For now, in my opinion, it is a time to look to what...to who...is most precious to each of us.  If you are reading this and you are safe, secure, well fed, reasonably healthy, have a roof over your head and you are loved, take a moment to dwell in prayer, if you are so inclined.  Pray for the lives cut short today; pray for their loved ones as they navigate the unthinkable process of accepting what has occurred.  Pray for the young man who was so lost and confused, filled with unexplained rage to the degree that he chose this action.  Just pray.  Love the ones who mean the most to you.

Speak your love to them daily, because the one sure truth that we know is that tomorrow is not promised to any of us.

Speak your love, while you are given the blessing of time to do so.

Faith in the waiting

I said to my soul, be still, and wait without hope
For hope would be hope for the wrong thing; wait without love,
For love would be love of the wrong thing; there is yet faith
But the faith and the love and the hope are all in the waiting.
Wait without thought, for you are not ready for thought:
So the darkness shall be the light, and the stillness the dancing.

— T. S. Eliot, poem, East Coker

This snippet from T.S. Eliot was on my Facebook page recently, and I've returned to it several times over the last couple of days. It has prompted me to ponder deeply, and when I do that, I tend to process through the pondering better when I write the thoughts out.

At first glance, the words above appear negative and self-defeating.  Wait without hope, wait without love.  What is being expressed, though, is to shift our thinking.  It is more of existing in that moment....that space between exhaling and taking the next breath.  Just being there in that suspended fraction of time as we mark it from a human perspective.  And doing so without expectations.  Without Ego attempting to plant a flag of victory.  Much easier said than done, yes?

2012 has been a year full of self-discovery for me.  It's been a year of extremes, in fact.  Some moments so beautiful that they pierced my heart and left a permanent mark of equal beauty.  Other moments so painful, so wrenching and final in this corporeal reality that they left a different permanent mark....a jagged tear in my heart and soul.  I've grappled with these extremes and somehow, survived it all.  We do that, don't we.  We survive. 

It should be noted that surviving the beautiful moments can sometimes be just as challenging, if not more so, as the difficult moments.  

Those beautiful moments...the positive experiences....they can be scary.  They can show us a possible reality that we have dreamed of, wished for, planned for.  The potential manifesting of that reality can throw us off kilter and the common reaction can be panic.  I know this is a truth for me occasionally.  And therein lays the pitfall of expectations.  How we want Life to be.  How we want Love to be.  How we want Work to be.  How we want Health to be.  

This year, I've been confronted with releasing expectations in several very important areas.  And really, what that boils down to is releasing control.  *gasp*  I know, sounds crazy to most of us.  Believe me, I'm not a fan of that concept, releasing control.  Ego leads the race for most of us in that regard. Yet, I am a logical being, and I accept that enforcing rigidity can stifle growth. So, I've continued that refining of Self within the context of those vital areas, and I've recognized where I need to do more work.  It's a curious process, because I do tend to be quite aware of my own psychology, my own emotional patterns.  This year, however, ushered in a life experience tied to another and that relationship produced experiences and a mirror that reflected repeatedly, challenging me greatly.

Right now, I'm in a holding pattern in regard to these several vital areas.  That requires a good amount of patience and as mentioned above, faith.  Releasing those expectations, releasing the desire and urge to step in and marshal the troops, draft a plan of attack and take no prisoners.  Given that I tend to be a person of action, the living in that suspended moment for long periods of time can be downright painful for me.  I'm doing it, though.  How long I can do it, and equally important, how long I should do it, are always the big ticket questions, but I've surprised myself with how deeply I've been able to process, and how patient I have been able to remain.  

There is a limit for all of this, of course.  Nature abhors a vacuum, and we cannot exist in eternal limbo in any facet of our lives.  Eventually, entropy fills the proverbial vessel with water and it spills over, causing reactions and change.  Usually, when I feel myself beginning to chafe and buck the confines of being patient, God/Universe/Spirit will send a reminder such as the T.S. Eliot passage quoted above.  It reminds me to continue to breathe through it, to not allow the frustrations to win the day.  Is that easy?  Absolutely not!  Being patient in certain areas of my life is one of my biggest challenges.  I have learned over a lifetime, however, that attempting to force time and a given situation to speed up to match my personal measure always, always brings me much more grief than is necessary to experience.  

So, there is faith in the waiting.  There is change of a positive nature in that suspended space between breaths, between heartbeats.  My heart is gentled in the process, and my capacity to adapt is broadened.  That place of waiting…in my mind's eye, it is painted in images that are difficult to describe, but I hover there.  The essential part of me, my very soul, inhabits that in between space where the beautiful and the painful, the positive and the negative all combine to weave new harmonies for me.  I envision those harmonies, delicate, liquid threads that dance and entwine with the harmonies of others to produce as yet unknown realities.  Fabric to clothe my soul as it returns to my body, just before the next breath is inhaled, before the next heartbeat sounds.  I return changed, always.  Stronger at times; definitely more thoughtful.  Aware that the path will play out without the necessity of me knowing the complete mapping.  My job is to keep taking that next step and doing so with faith that I'm heading in the proper direction.

There are areas of my life that require action and forward momentum.  It is clear, however, that the loosening of the limbo stage hasn't yet manifested.  Perforce, I remain suspended.  I suppose that one of the best courses of action is to simply enjoy the view.  That just occurred to me.  Beauty exists in the act of waiting.  I'll have to turn that one over in my mind for a bit.  It will certainly keep me occupied and distracted for a wee!  So, here is where I stand, for the nonce.  Surveying the view and breathing in the quiet.  Absorbing the peace in the waiting, and greeting Faith as it keeps me company. 

2012 shaped me in innumerable ways.  I tasted joy countless times, and it was balanced by the bitterness of grief, repeatedly.  Confusion reigned supreme more than once, as did uncertainty.  Because of this lack of stability, the only thing I knew to do was just let it be.  Allow the chaos to play its natural course, and believe there was a purpose to it.  I have yet to see clarity in all areas where it is needed, but I recognize the method at hand.  Similar to cleaning house, you first have to create chaos and a jumble of items before you can begin to pull everything back into order.  I imagine that something similar is occurring during this limbo stage.  Order is being gathered and it will fall into place in proper, Divine timing. There have been some abrupt endings that I did not wish for, but they were necessary.  Again, Divine Order at work.  And I have grown as a result, finding strength to deal with those endings, and doing so alone.

Mindful stillness; this is what meditation and yoga encourage.  Being in that breathless moment and feeling the immediacy of the feelings.  Entertaining change in a positive manner, rather than seizing up in denial or fear.  Admitting that my preconceived notions are limiting and that not knowing what the next breath will produce, this is the most receptive space I feel I can inhabit.  Faith in the waiting.  

Grace period

As is common, I ran across a quote about a week ago on Facebook that prompted me to ponder. Here is the quote of the day:

Photo & quote: If you like me, you're an eclectic Facebook Page

Very powerful statement by itself, without any of my thoughts added.  Of course, I am going to add my thoughts, as that's the whole point of the post! I'm not in any seriously difficult time right now....nothing that is unknown, or that I haven't experienced before.  I'm in what I have dubbed "useful limbo", and that can present its own frustrations as I practice patience whilst waiting on things to finish falling into place.  So, I'm in the "arrow being pulled backward" stage, still preparing to be shot forward into the next stage of Life that I'm meant to experience.

This particular quote and a recent conversation with a friend coalesced into today's post.  I made a comment to this friend that there is never going to be a "perfect, ideal moment" to put a specific desire into action.  This friend is experiencing some enforced limbo, due to outside factors beyond their control. The degree of limbo being enforced is one that could very well drag on indefinitely, and that was what prompted my comment about waiting for that "perfect, ideal moment".  This friend can choose to take more control and continue to live a full life, or allow those outside forces to put their life into a lengthy limbo, or stall mode.

I've often called this thing that we humans do, the Disease of Waiting to Live.  I'm guilty of it.  I daresay most of us are.  We hold ourselves back from fully living, fully experiencing, fully engaging....promising ourselves that when "this bill is paid off", or "when I finish this project at work", or "when the kids graduate", or "when I lose X amount of weight"....THEN we'll be able to step forward and LIVE.  Does this sound familiar to you?  Yep, it does to me as well.  I spent a large amount of my life in that mindset and I still wrestle with it.

Let me share some truths:

• there will ALWAYS be another bill to replace the one you're using as an excuse 
• there will ALWAYS be another project or challenge at work to focus on that you'll use as an excuse 
• when your kids graduate from high school, they will most likely go on to college and you'll use THAT as the next excuse 
• you will ALWAYS find something about your body you want to improve and you'll use that as an excuse  

Do you see the pattern here?  Life is always going to give us more than ample reasons to Wait to Live.

To a degree, there is logic and wisdom in waiting, preparing and having all the tools and experience you need prior to stepping forward in Life.  What ends up being truly sad is when we continually grasp at brittle straws of distraction to keep from fully engaging in Life.  What does a brittle straw do when we grasp it?  It usually disintegrates in our hands, crumbling to fragments and dust, leaving us with empty hands.  It may sound harsh, but this is a good analogy of what using excuses to not fully engage in life gives us.....dreams that eventually crumble to dust, leaving us with empty, lonely lives.

It takes bravery to step forward and truly engage in Life.  I'm the first to admit that it can be scary and that I fall back on the easier, more lazy side of throwing out excuses.  I do it less and less as I get older, and I find that when someone I'm connected to displays this habit in a manner that affects ME directly, I get a serious punch of a big, strong Life Lesson walloping me head on.  This conversation I had recently gave me just such a wallop.  The frustration of seeing clearly that this other person's decision to turn to easy excuses rather than take the risk of engaging was directly affecting ME in a negative manner was a big wakeup call.

In turn, I was faced with the decision of whether to give this person time to sort through their own immediate entanglements, or whether it served me better to separate myself from that relationship completely.  In order to protect this other person's privacy, I am being a bit cryptic here.  I haven't yet fully made my own decision on what action to take, but I do know that action MUST be taken.  I have specific goals in mind for my life and taking on another person's limbo stage isn't something that makes any sort of logical sense for me. Being understanding and empathetic, and offering true support and friendship is a completely different issue, and I am there 100%.  It is just as necessary for me to display that same support for myself as I wrestle with building solid boundaries that will enable me to maintain clear focus for my life path.

So! Here I am, looking at all sides of this situation.  The analogy of the arrow being drawn back, preparatory to being shot forward....this is where I feel I am, currently.  I'm okay with that, as I can see the logic of it, and I am being very clear about NOT falling into comfortable excuses to delay the release of that arrow.  That clarity and conscious choice to stop getting in my own way requires some tough choices to be made, and I'm still in the process of making them.  My heart wants one thing and can see the potential of something beautiful occurring.  My mind wants that potential to be engaged upon and to STOP WASTING TIME!!  To digress a moment, I happen to be what is known as "balanced brained", rather than right brain or left brain dominant, so this means I can see both sides of a given situation very clearly.  That's a blog post all its own, but it's also another way that I can easily get bogged down in distractions and lose sight of the things that require immediate attention and equally immediate action.  These days, I'm very much about engaging and taking action, so when someone else starts dragging their feet in a manner that affects me directly, it can become a big source of frustration. Frustration is the result of energy stalling and that's exactly what I am working to avoid and smooth out.

When I get frustrated, I have to be even more vigilant to keep myself from racing forward and making snap judgments that I might regret a few days later.  It's one of those delicate balances and my mind goes right back to that arrow being drawn.  Perfect balance is necessary in archery.  Have you ever tried it?  It is astonishing, the physical and mental strength necessary just to draw the arrow back in the structure of the bow, then hold that pose whilst focusing on the target.  Your breathing must calm, your heart rate must calm, your mind must calm....myriad levels of quiet have to be achieved, all in order to direct the course of that arrow.

Just imagine if someone next to you reaches out and knocks your hands as you're in the midst of this focusing. Everything falls out of focus.  You have to readjust, regroup, come back to calm and quiet and it usually takes a while to regain your original focus.  That's where I am, currently, being jostled by other people here and there, as I work to focus on my personal aim.  Other people don't necessarily mean to distract us, mind you, that's just part of the pattern of Life and how we interact. Our job is to stay true to ourselves and my word, that's just downright challenging on the best of days!

I know this much:  I don't want to continue a negative cycle of Waiting to Live. I'm doing some admittedly difficult personal work to cut and erase some of my past negative habits that embraced that Waiting to Live mindset.  And as is common, when we're ready to take that next step of personal evolution, God/Universe/Spirit usually hands us a hefty test to experience in the midst of it all.  Then we are assailed with a boatload of doubts.  Will I make the best choices and take the best actions?

What I have learned over my life is that there are no "wrong" decisions and choices.  They're just decisions and choices and we do what we know at the time.  My focus and my intent is to make the BEST choices and actions for myself that I'm capable of.  That requires some reeling in of emotions, some conscious wrestling of Ego and some determined engaging in detachment.  If you're like me, those actions can feel like trying to draw a delicate pen and ink sketch whilst wearing great big mittens five sizes too large for your hands.  It's not comfortable at all.  But it IS necessary, as all those things force me to breathe into calm, slow my heart rate to calm, bring my mind to calm....to achieve clarity about the best course for myself.  I'm that arrow, waiting to be released, and I owe it to myself to put this much effort into the preparations.

And equally important, there is NO logic in an arrow being knocked, pulled back, aimed....and never released!  Who wants to exist in an eternal state of limbo?!  Well, "waiting to live" is a different flavor of that concept. I'm going to serve a much better purpose if I stop allowing other peoples' energies to overlap my own process....at least stop allowing their energies to distract me enough that I fall back into Waiting to Live mentality.  At this moment in my life and my growth, I know I am capable of making choices and decisions that will serve my greater good.  I have to be brave enough to take those steps....and I am aware that I still have a bit of a Grace period.  I'm taking that extra moment, relaxing into the process, rather than fighting it.  I'm doing my level best to ignore the distractions, refuse to give into the excuses and believe that my best choices are resonating in the right harmony for me to hit that target.

I shared the above quote on my Facebook page about a week ago and it appeared to hit a common chord for many, going by the number of comments I received. That's why I chose to sit down and write this post.  Something tells me it is a topic, and a quote, that many of you will find applies to what you're currently experiencing. We're never truly alone, even though it often feels that way.

In my mind's eye, I see a huge, misty field with untold numbers of us standing in archer's pose....arrow knocked, bow drawn and each of us focusing on our respective target.  Some of those around me have let loose their arrows to fly.  Others are just stepping onto the field to choose an arrow.  I'm still in the brief Grace period of arrow knocked and drawn back.  I'm curious to know where each of you are...and I invite you to join me on the field.  Perhaps the woods...those spaces of Waiting to Live...are comfortable and easier to inhabit, but the field isn't as imposing and scary as you might think.  Step forward with me and leave Waiting to Live behind....but only when you're ready.  As far as I can see, this misty field never goes away, and the archery tools are always available when each of us are ready to step forward and take aim.  I'll see you there.

Clearing the road

Image courtesy of Bing images

I'm in one of those stages where life in general is on the verge of improving in myriad ways.  Personal life is good, new work and projects are in the pipeline, so I can't complain about the near future.  What I find interesting is that just prior to good things hitting many of our personal horizons, Life seems to throw some curve balls.  I'm experiencing this myself, and I find it a curious manifestation.  I don't know what the purpose is of hardships being visited just prior to prosperity manifesting, but it does seem to be a common experience.  I know it isn't unique to my life, as I've discussed this with friends many times over the years.

A good analogy would be that you're driving along a beautiful road, enjoying the journey, only to keep getting slowed down by small or large landslides.  You can see beyond the pile of debris to clear road, but you have to stop and clear the rubble away before driving on down the beautiful vista.

It could be argued that it's just Life...that it isn't necessarily a good or a bad thing, nor should it be looked at as any deep, dark cloud of Doom being visited upon us.  I don't dispute that thought - Life does hand us all manner of energies.  I've said time and time again that we define ourselves by how we choose to react to a given set of circumstances.

So, when you can see happy times within a fingertips' grasp, yet you find yourself also swimming against the proverbial current to get there, how do you deal with it?  I find myself focusing on my breathing.  When I feel conflicted, or scared that something insurmountable is approaching, I feel a sense of heaviness in my chest.  This reminds me to search for calm, to stop the vicious cycle of fear based thoughts, and immediately choose to switch the focus of my conscious thoughts to something of a lighter and happier emotion and vibration.  Does this work 100% of the time to ease that moment of stress?  A great majority of the time, it really does.

Yes, the issues of concern remain, even when I am changing my conscious set point and pattern of thoughts.  However, when I focus on happier thoughts, I'm better able to come back to that issue of concern with a more clear head.  Solutions are more easily accessed, if I just take time to breathe through the initial fears.  I admit that even knowing this fact to be true, I sometimes fall victim to those encroaching worries.  They build up in our mind's eye with ferocious and astonishing speed, don't they?!

What I'm focusing on today is that my near future has a lot of wonderful things that are on the verge of happening. These things are mere weeks away and will bring some much needed stability and security to my freelancing business.  On a personal level, my life is also changing and that energy is growing and improving, and is also mere weeks away from further clarity happening.  It is the here and now that is a bit challenging and worrisome.  I'm falling back on a lifetime of practicality to weather the temporary bumps in the road, and I'm very appreciative of having these coping skills.

Am I still harboring some fears, deep inside?  Yes, to a degree, because reality can be downright harsh at times.  To be fair, adopting a temporary hunkering down mode doesn't slow down or prevent all the good energy that is approaching; I remind myself of this fact quite often.  Perhaps the bumps in the road are Nature's way of clearing out a bunch of junky energy.  Sort of a way to clear the road by dramatic means....a catharsis.  If looked at in this manner, then the series of troublesome moments that hit prior to the good stuff occurring can be looked at as a blessing.  It is my habit to look for the positives in any situation, and these thoughts have been circling in my mind for the past several weeks.  I would much rather find a way to appreciate these annoying little tangles in my path than to lament and embrace them, building them into an even larger ball of worries.  I think we all know that focusing and pouring energy into a negative mindset just encourages more of that same energy to grow and manifest.

So, yes, Life sometimes throws us unexpected unpleasant moments right on the eve of wonderful things approaching.  Is this some sort of Divine test to see if we're strong enough to persevere, strong enough to hold our faith, strong enough to keep smiling?  It may be a modicum of all of those, and it may be none of them.  It all depends on our perspective and our conscious choices.  There's obvious merit in not giving in to despair.  No one wants to dwell in such a sad mental and emotional space.

I like the thought of clearing the road for better energies to manifest.  That empowers my Spirit, and lifts my heart, and it most certainly eases that heaviness of breath that was making itself felt.  Choosing to look at this situation as a positive, this clearing of the road for better things to come, allows me to feel a rush of anticipation.  A sense of sureness that yes, this is all part of the Greater Picture, the Greater Plan, and is a necessary piece of the process.  It is a strong truth that before order can be created, chaos usually is the precursor.  With that in mind, I am now better able to face these smaller bits of detritus littering my path, because I recognize that this is a clearing of discordant energies that no longer serve a positive purpose.  Logically, if I move through these smaller moments of  frustration and weather them with equanimity and a sense of Grace, they will clear away that much more quickly.  I just have to be willing to roll my sleeves up and be purposeful in how I choose to direct my energies to clear the debris littering my personal path.  It's the concept that is resonating the most strongly for me, so that is what I am choosing to embrace.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this.

In the long run

Photo courtesy of
Bing images

Tears.  Crying.  The two words usually strike mortal terror in the hearts of most people.  At the very least, they cause discomfort when witnessed.  I have a habit of filing away little tidbits of thoughts in my Drafts section of Healing Morning blog for future reference.  I leave them there, sometimes for months on end, waiting for those thoughts to percolate and sift through my mind before coming together in a cohesive concept for a blog post. 

Several years ago, there was a commercial for some facial tissue company on television.  It was an unlikely "man on the street" scenario of a set of big easy chairs on a busy city street, backed by a pretty park.  The concept was for everyday people to sit down and discuss their reasons for using that particular facial tissue.  Since these tissues are most often used to stem and blot tears, these commercials concentrated on that topic.  One woman's comment stuck with me.  Paraphrased here, it was something along these lines:

"Yes, I cry.  I'm not afraid to admit it.  I will cry again, many times in the future.  But my tears do not diminish me, or weaken me.  They make me stronger in the long run."

What a powerful statement, yes?!  I found it so refreshing, as the general consensus of crying openly is looked upon as showing signs of weakness.  I have never agreed with that particular consensus and am more inclined to agree with the statement above.  When, in the hazy mists of the past, did it become standard choice to equate tears with weakness? 

From a good health standpoint, crying is a cathartic release and is much healthier for our bodies than stuffing down our feelings and ignoring sharp emotions.  Doing so can lead to all manner of health concerns, ranging from migraine headaches, to high blood pressure, ulcers, skin disorders, digestive problems, autonomic nervous system disorders such as arthritis and more.  Yet we persist in doing that very thing...suppressing genuine emotions like sadness, physical and emotional pain, fatigue. 

Another piece of this current puzzle I've been piecing together fell into place last week while I was watching one of the cable news stations.  A brief story ran mentioning that men who are exposed to women's tears for more than three minutes' time experience a dramatic, albeit temporary, drop in testosterone levels.  I found this to be of profound logic.  Think about it:  testosterone is the hormone which governs that "manly man" alpha male persona.  It also governs aggression, physical energy and sexual drive, and is an integral part of the biological makeup of man.  Women also have this hormone, although in much smaller amounts. 

What I found riveting about this study was the simple fact that merely witnessing a woman's tears causes this brief dip in testosterone levels. This would, in turn, soften that man's normally stoic demeanor, allowing him to offer comfort more easily.  Certainly most men readily admit that seeing a woman cry makes them extremely uncomfortable.  They don't know how to deal with tears, as the main requirement, as all women know, is not a physical act.  It is being present emotionally.  Men do much better with actions.  They want to identify the enemy and go out and bash its brains in, then they feel they've conquered and addressed the issue at hand. While this is somewhat of a stereotyping scenario, I am talking in general terms here, so I think stereotyping is acceptable in this sense. Tears, literally, "unman" men.  I don't necessarily find this a negative, to be honest.  I find it quite interesting that this chemical reaction was built into our physiologies.  God/Universe/Spirit, in that infinite wisdom, somehow knew there would be those moments when blazing testosterone wouldn't get the job accomplished, so a way was created to reduce that hormone, however momentarily, and allow for softer emotions and a more gentle approach to occur.

And obviously, this was a one-sided study, with only the chemical reaction of men being studied.  I daresay that women have some sort of chemical reaction when being exposed to tears as well. 

Tears are part of life.  We are emotional creatures, after all.  We feel...and in doing so, we experience and we grow.  Tears can be induced by a wide range of emotions.  Sadness, fear, pain, happiness, surprise, raw grief, nervousness, extreme hilarity....they can all prompt tears.  I have read some fascinating studies that revealed that different chemicals exist in different tears.  A study I watched on a television show over 20 years ago showed that subjects who watched sad movies had a high concentration of oxytocin in their tears.  Oxytocin, as most of us know, is the neurotransmitter that is responsible for maternal and partner bonding.  Not surprisingly, tears prompted by anger had higher content of testosterone.  Tears prompted by laughter had higher levels of serotonin.  In light of these findings, it is dramatically clear how truly healthy shedding tears really is.

I admit that I'm not a fan of crying in business settings.  I don't want to be viewed as weak or helpless in that environment, so it is very rare that I succumb to tears in the workplace.  Even though I know that some people can't help reacting to stressful situations with tears, it is a harsh truth that this reaction is viewed as exhibiting weakness.  This is unfortunate, but it is a widespread unspoken attitude in the business world.  No small surprise, then, that so many people in the corporate world suffer from heart disease, obesity, and a whole host of other maladies that are exacerbated by that stuffing down of genuine emotions.

Am I saying I never cry at inappropriate times?  Of course not.  I do it fairly often.  I'm the biggest softhearted thing walking the planet, because some of the most random things will make me tear up.  Hearing our National Anthem will do it instantly.  Watching the Olympics and seeing our athletes win a medal is another one.  Goofball moments of absurdity with friends will have those tears of hilarity streaming. Commercials on TV can sucker punch me without warning.  Songs on the radio, or the fragrance of a perfume or cologne worn by someone I love who has passed, old photographs, walking in the mountains, seeing someone in my family smile...the list is endless.  I have no problem at all with those types of tears.  And I agree with the lady in that commercial I mentioned at the beginning of this article....my tears do not diminish me.  They make me stronger in the long run.

Logic indicates that that commercial was slickly produced by a savvy marketing and advertising firm, with actors carefully chosen and scripts thoughtfully written to tug at our heartstrings and produce a memorable snippet.  It worked, as I've remembered that commercial for a good ten years now.  The fact that it was a manufactured moment doesn't take away from the strong truth of the statement above.  Tears are not a sign of weakness, not 100% of the time.  And even if they are, that's not necessarily a negative or reason to condemn.  It is not possible for every person to be strong every single waking moment of their life.  Balance.  I come back to that word constantly.  Balance and contrast.  Without them, we would be one dimensional, flat personalities with no depth, no color, no flair or richness to differentiate us, one from another.

So, I will take tears as a part of the price paid to be that richly textured human being.  I will smile at the fact that there is genuine beauty in a woman's tears casting a brief softening effect in the hearts of men.  There are balancing moments where a man's traits complement us as women in equally profound ways.  While obviously it is just as unhealthy to dwell eternally in a tearful state as it is to eternally suppress tears, I think there is a way to find balance here.  Simply being aware of the results of this interesting case study shines light on the fact that tears are meant to be shed, and are meant to have an effect, both on the person shedding those tears, as well as on the people nearby.

It bears repeating: 

Tears do not diminish me.  They make me stronger in the long run.