Saturday, April 13, 2013

Gratitude Moments, Vol. III, April 2013

I find this exercise to be freeing, especially because I never know what the gratitude thoughts are going to be until they flow from my fingertips. Kind of like entertaining Angels unaware...because the moments of blessing lurk so quietly until we open the door and allow them to fly.

I never begin a Gratitude Moments post with a preconceived notion of what thoughts will be given voice.  So, here we go...walk with me and let's see what is discovered.

Gratitude Moments

  1. Having the perfect pillow for your bed.  This one is tricky.  I'm a pillow smoosher, and prefer a soft, fluffy pillow that I can punch and scrunch and mold.
  2. Having a conversation with someone who completely gets you.  Y'all know what I'm talking about.  It's that kind of exchange where words are almost unnecessary, but when words are exchanged, the flow is effortless.  I'm blessed with many relationships of this quality.
  3. Taking naps during the day, but even better, taking a nap during a rainy day.  I call them soft, gray days and we have them occasionally here in East Tennessee.  
  4. Snow.  Having enough snow for the making of Snow Cream, and walking out in Nature with my camera to capture magical moments.
  5. Having the dexterity and knowledge from learning to crochet as a child.  My great aunt Carrie taught me to crochet on her front porch, sitting in the glider.  Throughout my life, I have made countless Love Gifts for friends.  Some Love Blankets made for babies have now been passed down to the next generation, from what I'm told.  Knowing that I am creating a piece that will live for decades, given proper care, is something that I enjoy.  It's like leaving a piece of myself behind, infused with love.
  6. Online shopping!  Having worked many years in retail management, I am so appreciative that I can avoid malls during the holidays.  Online shopping is a huge gratitude moment.
  7. Recently joining in the marriage celebration of a very dear friend and seeing this ages old affirmation that love is enduring, crosses all boundaries and lifts us up.  *Congratulations, Spooks & Beth!*
  8. Call them what you will....handbags, purses, pocketbooks.  They make me happy!!!  I prefer the structured, classic lines that hark back to the mid-Century styles.  And yes, it may be true that a few of my bags are on the large and roomy side (Marticus, hush it!), but they're necessary.  Really, they are.
  9. One cannot express appreciation of handbags without giving an equal nod to shoes.  These two, handbags and shoes, are completely materialistic.  I admit it.  They're still something that makes me happy on a regular basis.  I'm equal opportunity in regard to heel height.  Flats, stilettos, and everything in between, with the exception of wedge heels (they look like animal hooves to me).
  10. Meeting someone who meshes with you regarding hugging style. This is huge, people!!  I'm not big on social "air hugs".  I want the full deal - both arms around me, hold me close and tight, eyes closed, for long, long, quiet moments so that we absorb one another.  Yes.  And you know who you are.
  11. Ruby red grapefruit.  It is one of my favorite fruits!  
  12. Eyes that see.  Limbs that function.  Ears that hear.  Lips that speak.  Lungs that breathe easily.  A body that is in a state of good health.  I am aware that each day I step from bed and walk throughout the world, there are many who have none of these blessings.  I am consciously aware of and embrace gratitude for having a healthy body, particularly so because I have experienced health challenges in the past.  
  13. Having a creative spirit - this is one of my strongest blessings.  It allows me to express myself in myriad ways.  Here, through writing.  In other areas, through my hands as I create tangible objects of art.  With my thoughts, as I engage in conversation with others.  In my waking and slumbering dreams, as those are the places that inspire me to do all of the aforementioned.
  14. I love the sound of trains at night.  I grew up in East Tennessee and the sound of trains is a constant backdrop.  Yes, I've written about this here at Healing Morning - Train Song, 3/12/2010.  As I am writing this post tonight, it is raining and I can hear the rhythm of an approaching train, its whistle muffled and distant.  Because this has been a background sound my whole life, it always makes me smile and brings me to a peaceful place when I hear the sound of trains.
  15. Both of my nephews bring me joy on a regular basis.  They're seven and ten years old, respectively, and at an age where normally hugging and kissing girls would ick them out.  I'm happy to report that this is not the case for me.  Either they don't see me as a girl, or they just love me enough to overlook that I'm a girl, because they hug and kiss me with much enthusiasm. It makes my heart melt. During Christmas holidays, as I was leaving my brother's house (their father), I heard, "Aunt Dawn, wait! I forgot to kiss you!  That means I get another hug."  These are currently wet puppy smelling hugs, because they're still little boys and they just always smell like wet puppies from playing hard.  They're accepted and returned with equal enthusiasm.  
  16. Spring planting.  As a kid, I would never have predicted that as an adult, I would grow to appreciate and enjoy gardening, but it has come to pass that I am repeating childhood cycles in the best way possible.  I am potting kitchen herbs, starting seedlings for tomatoes, waiting on flower bulbs to arrive from catalog orders, and anticipating a flourishing patio garden this year.  It reconnects me to happy memories of similar planning of gardens with my maternal grandfather, and my dear Mom.  And this year, with luck, my miniature Meyer lemon tree just might produce fruit!  
I ask you, who can live in such a world as described above, and not dwell in gratitude?

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

If...and if....

If I reveal the fractures
                       deep and ragged
will I still breathe?

                                    If I remember
              sweet spring fragrance
will the memories remain?

If I touch
                           the deep well of loss
             will I drift endlessly?

         Ticking echoes
of an empty clock

                If I linger
tasting acid tears
                              will I heal?

If I laugh
                       finding small pleasures
           will I betray?

                                                 Grains of sand spilled
                               marking where
the time chord snapped

                                   If I recall
                                              hands reaching down
will I be lifted up?

                              If I see
that smile shining
              am I letting go?

        tether broken
                             spirit set free

                     If I hear
wisps of laughter
                       will I lose that precious note?

                     If I gaze
                                            at incredible talent
will it become flat and empty?

If I hold
                     arms open
will there be a return?

         If I rest
                                                     will surcease
                        prove ever elusive?

If...and if...
                     and if....

a torment
                                   and a comfort

                 Twining and swirling

All suspended

.....the ifs...

                                  Hammering against
      transparent boundaries

              and quickly gone

reflecting what?

                                  If...and if...
and if....

               ...and if...again....

The poem above is the first thing I've written and published here since December 28, 2012.  That stretch of time is the longest I have gone without writing here at Healing Morning since I created the blog in 2009.  The reason for this silence?  There are many.  Holiday insanity, seasonal commitments to parties and events.  Work encroaching; personal relationships demanding time and attention.  Most importantly, I needed time to absorb and address the loss of a family member who left us through suicide in the summer of 2012.

If you follow my blog, you may have read some of the articles I wrote about that loss when it happened. (Sad Weathering, 7/5/2012, Healing Morning).  For those of you who may have gone through a similar loss, then perhaps you know that processing the emotions and finding a way through to acceptance is a lengthy process.  I'm still working on that.  I am not sharing this poem and these thoughts to indicate that I am still dwelling in that immediate state of shock and sharp loss.  I have healed a great deal.  The thoughts shared today encompass all those doubts and questions that we inevitably confront when we lose a loved one to suicide.  In my healing process, I have allowed the thoughts to come to consciousness so that I could absorb, understand and release them.  During meditation, during prayer, during random moments, they will resurface and demand further contemplation.  And healing continues.