Tuesday, February 18, 2014

With wisdom gained

photo: http://wallpaperscraft.com/download/hands_pair_touch_54238/2560x1600
“You carry away with you a reflection of me, a part of me. I dreamed you; I wished for your existence. You will always be a part of my life. If I love you, it must be because we shared, at some moment, the same imaginings, the same madness, the same stage.” - Ana├»s Nin

Each time I read this quote, it prompts me to pause and recall moments in time....people who have touched my life and left an indelible mark.  Some positive experiences, some negative ones, with all teaching me about myself, about the world, about life.

It is a curious thing, that which we call Love.  We exist for a lifetime that is specific to our own little bubble of experience, and we are unaware, at least consciously, of that Other for countless years. We live our lives in a state of blissful ignorance, not truly daring to believe that such moments are within the realm of possibility.  But it is possible, and it does happen eventually.  Over the course of an individual lifetime, it happens many times, if we are fortunate enough to see and receive clearly.

Our heart knows them, as does our Soul, because the pure energy of each of us, I believe, dwells in a state of Divine Love.  How could we not recognize that Other, then, when they do step into our Life Path?  It is that moment of the Soul and heart finally exhaling, a long, soundless, "Ahh....there you are.  I've been waiting for you."

And all is brighter, sharper, happier and ohhh, so much more beautiful and vibrant in the world....for a time.

I think, and hope that those who are reading these words are smiling and nodding because each of you have experienced such moments.  Moments of instant friendship.  Moments of familial love that take up residence inside your heart within the twinkling of an eye.  Moments of intellects meshing.  Moments of laughter shared that shake the heart breathless with delight.  Moments of greeting a kindred spirit who speaks your same heart language.  Eyes meeting, energies aligning and smiles blossoming.  It is Love in its purest form when these moments occur, and each is to be cherished.

In this instance, I reflect on what is beautiful, and because it is so, it can be deemed a sad parting to contemplate.  Unbidden, not sought after, and certainly unwanted, yet a sad farewell that sometimes may become necessary.

Is it permanent?  Living my life to this point, I can say with confidence that I have learned there isn't much in this world that is truly permanent.  People who part from us, or from whom we part...sometimes a return does occur. Reunion can manifest through happenstance or by conscious design; sometimes we are blessed with return.

The living that both do in between goodbye and hello cause irrevocable changes in each one, yes.  And with that growth inside both people, the dynamic does change.  Given that we are changed on an intrinsic and cellular level from one blink of an eye to the next visual focusing, from one inhale to the next exhale, from one heartbeat to the next, it is perhaps unique to we humans that we find something to grieve in this type of change.  This type of parting, where the heart feels such wrenching loss that it is challenging to conceive living without the reassuring presence of that other even for a short march of moments, yes, we feel a tangible ending.  And there is a grieving that occurs.

There is also the thought that it is NOT an ending, nor a parting; not in truth.  Perhaps it is a necessary veil of sorts that must lower between the two; filmy and semi-transparent, allowing fleeting, blurred glimpses with the shifting of the air, reminding each with sure and delicate touches. Whispering a familiar note, "Do not forget this one in your deepest heart." That much, the heart and mind can allow and survive, and continue to function.  Softened by an insubstantial yet firm boundary, mayhap the experience can be borne.  Because each of us carry a fragment of one another that is indelibly etched into our respective hearts.

"You carry away with you a reflection of me..."

If Life is kind, and if hearts are open, a return is possible.  A revisiting, with wisdom gained from time apart.  Does that bravery exist now, today?  No.  Now, today, in the immediacy of impending farewell, all that can be hoped for is the potential for the barrage of pain to lessen over time.  This is a given truth, after all, that time does, indeed, heal all wounds. 

Another truth is that Love does not stop, nor does it end, simply because for whatever reasons two become parted, one from the other.

So, in this moment, this now that feels heavy and echoing with the absence of a connection which once filled each day with so much light, the only request is that which was spoken above.  Should we part, for the nonce, carry away with you a reflection of me.  Hold it deep within you, and harbor it gently and safely.  I will do the same.