Embrace the choosing

Photo:  S. Dawn Sievers

Someone close to me has positively commented, more than once, on my habit of taking charge (i.e., control) of my own emotions.  What this person is pointing out is that I tend to only allow myself to dwell in negative thoughts for a short amount of time.  Over a lifetime of learning and experiencing the myriad emotions we are given on this Earth School, in these physical bodies which house our souls, I have come to the firm opinion that a vast majority of my existence is fully within my power to govern.  I don't know whether this habit is especially noteworthy, or cause for praise; I do know that I have a short window of tolerance for being and feeling miserable.  So, when I find myself on the brink of dwelling in negativity, I choose to change.

Some will argue the point that we have even a modicum of control over our lives.  Many will say that we are merely pawns of cause and effect, being tossed about on the tides of chance and Fortune.  I don't deny the school of thought that there are fragments of chance that affect us all.  I think a great deal of the beauty of life is what we perceive as the unexpected.  If Life were all neatly planned out and responded to tidy lists and projections, I think we would all be a very dull, bland bunch.  Getting back to my point, though, I believe we have choice in everything.  I believe that even that which we perceive as an "accident" is something that has come to us, that we have invited and allowed in order to learn and grow.  Call them surprises, if you like - the moments that throw us off kilter and force Life to shift in the blink of an eye.  By their very nature, surprises force change, so they are an integral part of life for us all.

Can we control when tragedy hits our horizon?  When someone we love leaves us, whether through death or the end of a relationship, can we control this?  Can we control losing a job that is needed to pay bills and keep a roof over our heads?  Of course not.  The only thing that we can control is how we react to a given situation.  I have said time and time again that we are defined by how we choose to react to Life.  We define ourselves by the choices we make and by our subsequent actions.  When negative moments hit, dismay, anger, sadness, grief and a boatload of equally negative emotions are there at the door, waiting to set up housekeeping inside us.  It is normal and healthy to feel all of those feelings, honor them, process them.  Dwelling in those negatives indefinitely is not healthy, and we all know this as a sure truth. We can remain apathetic and downtrodden, as this is a conscious choice.  Or we can choose a different reality.  There is no shame in this process taking a while, by the way.  Healing and growing has a different time table for each of us, and will also vary per the situation and circumstances.  Being kind and loving to ourselves during this part of the process is essential.

As I write this article, 2012 is ticking down to its final days.  It is human nature to reflect on the waning year and take stock of what we experienced.  Looking back on my own Life Path, I note a year that was challenging on several levels.  It was interspersed with beautiful moments, yet I found myself focusing on the sadness as I reflected.  I didn't like sadness being my immediate perspective, so I began to ponder.  I began to ask myself why I was coloring this year in sadness, and the answer is that I am currently going through some personal experiences that are not what and where I want them to be.

That's when the moment of epiphany hit my fair self.  If I were driving a car, I would have hit the brakes to come to a screeching halt, it was such an "A-ha!" moment.  That epiphany moment was this:

Life is rarely what we want it to be.  

We all know this, yes?  This wasn't news to me, obviously.  It just popped into my mind in a manner, and at a crucial moment, that woke me up and shook me out of this current gray stage I've been inhabiting.  So, I repeat:  Life is rarely what we want it to be.  We also...most of us, I would think....have come to the realization that when we do not get that cherished wish, it is a blessing in disguise.  Sometimes we DO get that cherished wish, but it is delayed.  The timing simply hasn't come to fruition.

So, I pondered.  And I contemplated.  And I turned my thoughts over and over, considering options that would shift how I have been feeling.  In doing so, I came to another moment of epiphany.

What is at the moment is not what has to be in the future.  

I think I want that statement on a t-shirt.  I mean it!  That statement flowed from my fingertips effortlessly, and as I read the words back, I am struck by the profound truth of the thought.  I have it within my ability and power to create a new version of what is, and I am able to do this, create this new version by choosing my thoughts, feelings and perceptions.  I can choose to release limiting thoughts.  I can choose to believe that what is, at this moment, is necessary for this moment, but it is not necessary for the future.

I was perilously close to creating more of the same sadness and negativity for my immediate future, by the very act of focusing on it and mentally bewailing what I perceived to be infinite.  That's where I slammed on the proverbial brakes.  2012 brought a great many lessons for me.  It was not an easy year, and I do not throw those words out lightly.  It was, however, a year of learning on levels that I hadn't been privy to up until this point in time.  I wasn't ready for those lessons until now.  They weren't for the faint of heart, and I managed to weather them with a certain amount of Grace.  Those lessons, the Big Ones, the ones that delivered big wallops of wow, they're not finished.  I recognize that there is more to be done there.  More to learn, more to absorb, more to embrace, more to share, more to live.

So, I shifted my perspective.  I stopped pouring regret into my current experience, and I began to pour appreciation into who I am as a result of those lessons.  I released frustrations, regrets and resentments, as those are three of the most self-defeating, crippling emotions that I have ever identified.  I am pouring appreciation and anticipation into the immediate future where all is possible.  This may sound very overly optimistic, perhaps unrealistic.  To the contrary; I believe it is vitally necessary to be aggressively optimistic and to ignore more of those self-defeating words/thoughts such as "unrealistic".  Being happy and fulfilled is never unrealistic.  How we choose to address that need, that dream, that expectation....that is the important facet.

Consider what a facet does in a gemstone.  It is designed to reflect and refract light...to bounce that light in multiple directions, to multiply it and create a light storm that is dazzling to the soul.  A simple, flat plane gives finite reflection and a flat, one dimensional view.  I consciously choose to create that light storm with my thoughts, with my perspective, and in so doing, provide conditions that are limitless for that light to amplify, to expand in all directions.  And in the very doing, the very choosing, I felt an instantaneous lifting, a lightening of my Spirit.  A weight literally lifted from my heart.  Feeling better, reaching for that next best good feeling...these are Divine and Universal Laws.  That which we focus upon, we amplify.  That which we amplify, we invite more of into our personal experience, and it becomes an exponential act.  This amplifying applies to both positive and negative emotions - this is a key fact for all of us to remember!  If we dwell in negativity, it amplifies and sets the tone for our immediate future.  I certainly see the logic in focusing on positive emotions, expectations, dreams and wishes, as those are all what I choose as the set points for my immediate future.  Feeling better feels better.  So simple, yes?  It can be, but we have to choose to allow it first.

I am like most people in that I've experienced a couple of moments in life that fall into the category of clinical depression.  I know what that disordered chemical imbalance does to the thought process.  I know how dismal and dark the whole world can look and feel to anyone going through that level of depression.  I know the irrational thoughts that are processed that, at the time, make complete sense as they're being thought.  For whatever reason, I was either blessed or cursed with a stubborn character that refuses to let me completely give up.  Even in the midst of the worst depression episodes I've experienced (there were two - one hit when I was 19 and the other in my mid-30s), I knew in my heart that they would pass.  This is when the aspect of impermanence becomes one of the most valuable tools we are given as human beings. When we view a single life span, it is so fleeting.  From that perspective, that life truly is such a short span of time, there is hope to be gleaned from the canvas of impermanence.  "This, too, shall pass" is one of the most loving, reassuring statements to reflect upon when the world feels permanently dark and sad.  Our free will to choose is there, waiting for us to remember the power we are granted from our very first waking moment.

Those moments of epiphany are powerful, either as a sudden clap of thunder or as a soft brush of insubstantial mist drifting by.  It might not be that slamming on of proverbial brakes, big wallop of wow moment for you as it was for me.  I tend to be a bit more hard headed than some, so it occasionally takes a bit more force to grab my attention.  For some of you, the epiphany may come as easily as your next breath slipping into, and out of your body. The very slight shifting of perspective is simply powerful, regardless of its delivery, and it all narrows down to choice.  Choosing how we want to feel.  Choosing how we want to think.  Choosing how we want to view a set of circumstances.  Choosing how we want the tone of our life to resonate.  It might be different for each of you, this awareness manifesting.  Easier said than done, of course, but oh-so-powerful when we come to recognition and embrace the choosing.

Mirrored affirmation

Photo:  www.invitinghome.com

I have a dear friend that I think I have loved more moments than I can count through the mists of time.  We don't often get the chance to spend large blocks of time together these days, as life is hectic and family, work and responsibilities cut into leisure time.  This week, we were lucky to connect and spend a good portion of a whole day together and it was just sublime.

This girl is someone that I trust implicitly.  She's a true heart friend in those indefinable ways that build a solid friendship. We've found over the years that we either tend to mirror experiences in our respective lives, or one of us is just completing a cycling of an experience that the other is just embarking upon.  In this way, this reflection provides guidance and a sounding board for both of us, when we have sufficient time to spend together and really get caught up.

Our recent afternoon and evening was that proverbial breath of fresh air for me.  We played, which is always good for the Soul.  We saw a theatrical production that some friends both acted in and directed, then we had a late meal and stayed downtown to watch another theatrical production on Knoxville's Market Square.  In between all of this, we shared what we had both been doing since we were last together.  Much time had passed since then, so there was a great deal to cover, and cover it, we did.

She is in a truly good place in her life.  Settled, with someone she loves, her work life is growing and prospering and she carries that special glow that one does when everything is falling into place in Divine Order. Knowing her as I do, I was so happy to see her this happy, calm and peaceful....both inside and out.

The even greater beauty of it all was that she became a mirror for me.  This time, she is finishing this particular cycle....or rather, she is sojourning it....ahead of me.  Listening to her words and description of the steps, the decisions, the emotional healing she processed to get herself to that higher, more level place of allowing....it gave me that mirror.  That road map or template of sorts.  Because I am not that far behind her on a similar path, everything she was sharing was resonating brightly for me.  I could see the logical steps she had taken, hear the wisdom in her choices and actions, and absorb the clear outcome.  She is happy.

This reflection she gave me instilled hope in a new way for me.  Mind you, it is never difficult for me to focus on positives.  I tend to be a fairly sunny natured individual, and prefer to focus on those good, happy, uplifting moments.  That being said, I flounder like everyone else when it comes to personal dreams, hopes and wishes.  We are all so adept at getting in our own way for these goals, and I am no different.  I do have conscious intent, however, to be fully, mindfully engaged in my own growth.  What a lovely thing when I am given a gift of recognizing that this growth need not be so onerous, challenging or difficult!

Spending time with someone that I truly love and enjoy was the first gift.  Nothing polishes up the heart more than that type of interaction, basking in the sheer enjoyment of someone dear to you.  The second gift was being shown that reflection....that example that, "Look, this is how I did it, and it worked out beautifully."  Sometimes the strongest lessons don't have to be imparted through bloody struggle and painful experiences. They can be, but I don't think it's necessary 100% of the time.  What can be better than to witness someone a few steps ahead of you on a similar path, charting and negotiating their journey with determination, conscious application of intent and relative ease so that you may mirror their actions and experience a similar manifestation of ease?

Mirrors reflect.  That is their purpose.  We can choose to see through a warped lens and intentionally misread that reflection, or we can choose to gaze with clear eyes at the image.  That's my choice, gazing clearly, and engaging with purpose.  And the best part of this conscious process is that a day spent with someone I love gave me a mirrored confirmation and affirmation for where my own life is heading.  In her happiness, I see a reflection of possibilities, and I embrace them.

Clearing the road

Image courtesy of Bing images

I'm in one of those stages where life in general is on the verge of improving in myriad ways.  Personal life is good, new work and projects are in the pipeline, so I can't complain about the near future.  What I find interesting is that just prior to good things hitting many of our personal horizons, Life seems to throw some curve balls.  I'm experiencing this myself, and I find it a curious manifestation.  I don't know what the purpose is of hardships being visited just prior to prosperity manifesting, but it does seem to be a common experience.  I know it isn't unique to my life, as I've discussed this with friends many times over the years.

A good analogy would be that you're driving along a beautiful road, enjoying the journey, only to keep getting slowed down by small or large landslides.  You can see beyond the pile of debris to clear road, but you have to stop and clear the rubble away before driving on down the beautiful vista.

It could be argued that it's just Life...that it isn't necessarily a good or a bad thing, nor should it be looked at as any deep, dark cloud of Doom being visited upon us.  I don't dispute that thought - Life does hand us all manner of energies.  I've said time and time again that we define ourselves by how we choose to react to a given set of circumstances.

So, when you can see happy times within a fingertips' grasp, yet you find yourself also swimming against the proverbial current to get there, how do you deal with it?  I find myself focusing on my breathing.  When I feel conflicted, or scared that something insurmountable is approaching, I feel a sense of heaviness in my chest.  This reminds me to search for calm, to stop the vicious cycle of fear based thoughts, and immediately choose to switch the focus of my conscious thoughts to something of a lighter and happier emotion and vibration.  Does this work 100% of the time to ease that moment of stress?  A great majority of the time, it really does.

Yes, the issues of concern remain, even when I am changing my conscious set point and pattern of thoughts.  However, when I focus on happier thoughts, I'm better able to come back to that issue of concern with a more clear head.  Solutions are more easily accessed, if I just take time to breathe through the initial fears.  I admit that even knowing this fact to be true, I sometimes fall victim to those encroaching worries.  They build up in our mind's eye with ferocious and astonishing speed, don't they?!

What I'm focusing on today is that my near future has a lot of wonderful things that are on the verge of happening. These things are mere weeks away and will bring some much needed stability and security to my freelancing business.  On a personal level, my life is also changing and that energy is growing and improving, and is also mere weeks away from further clarity happening.  It is the here and now that is a bit challenging and worrisome.  I'm falling back on a lifetime of practicality to weather the temporary bumps in the road, and I'm very appreciative of having these coping skills.

Am I still harboring some fears, deep inside?  Yes, to a degree, because reality can be downright harsh at times.  To be fair, adopting a temporary hunkering down mode doesn't slow down or prevent all the good energy that is approaching; I remind myself of this fact quite often.  Perhaps the bumps in the road are Nature's way of clearing out a bunch of junky energy.  Sort of a way to clear the road by dramatic means....a catharsis.  If looked at in this manner, then the series of troublesome moments that hit prior to the good stuff occurring can be looked at as a blessing.  It is my habit to look for the positives in any situation, and these thoughts have been circling in my mind for the past several weeks.  I would much rather find a way to appreciate these annoying little tangles in my path than to lament and embrace them, building them into an even larger ball of worries.  I think we all know that focusing and pouring energy into a negative mindset just encourages more of that same energy to grow and manifest.

So, yes, Life sometimes throws us unexpected unpleasant moments right on the eve of wonderful things approaching.  Is this some sort of Divine test to see if we're strong enough to persevere, strong enough to hold our faith, strong enough to keep smiling?  It may be a modicum of all of those, and it may be none of them.  It all depends on our perspective and our conscious choices.  There's obvious merit in not giving in to despair.  No one wants to dwell in such a sad mental and emotional space.

I like the thought of clearing the road for better energies to manifest.  That empowers my Spirit, and lifts my heart, and it most certainly eases that heaviness of breath that was making itself felt.  Choosing to look at this situation as a positive, this clearing of the road for better things to come, allows me to feel a rush of anticipation.  A sense of sureness that yes, this is all part of the Greater Picture, the Greater Plan, and is a necessary piece of the process.  It is a strong truth that before order can be created, chaos usually is the precursor.  With that in mind, I am now better able to face these smaller bits of detritus littering my path, because I recognize that this is a clearing of discordant energies that no longer serve a positive purpose.  Logically, if I move through these smaller moments of  frustration and weather them with equanimity and a sense of Grace, they will clear away that much more quickly.  I just have to be willing to roll my sleeves up and be purposeful in how I choose to direct my energies to clear the debris littering my personal path.  It's the concept that is resonating the most strongly for me, so that is what I am choosing to embrace.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this.

Push me, Pull you

 http://cgge.aag.org/Migration1e/ConceptualFramework_Jan10/PushPull_Theory.jpg

Inspired by my dear friend, Beth Chapman's wonderfully thought provoking post, Saying Yes in her Hope's Breath blog, here I am a while later, with the thoughts a-whirling.  What is it that we do, that dance of aggression one moment, magnificent dismissal the next, yet another time rushing in with earnest enthusiasm, all with an eye towards creating an exchange of energy.  "I'm right, you're wrong."  "Don't do that, do THIS."  "That's nice, but let's change it."  Someone always wants and needs to be holding the upper hand.  That phrase, by the way, "getting the upper hand" is derived from...a GAME, people!

"Having the upper hand is one such expression which originated with the advent of the game of baseball. In order to determine which team would bat first, a player from each team would come forth. One player would hold the lower end of the bat and the player from the other team would place his hand above it. They would continue alternating hands this way until the last hand on the bat would be the upper hand and that team would get to bat first, having got the upper hand." The Tribune

How's that for being as triumphantly "right" as any euphemism can be?!  It is the epitome of "one-upping" and underscores how we so often look at life as a competition.  Personally, I have never been competitive with others.  In fact, I find it to be a very unpleasant situation to be in when another person practically sprouts fangs and salivates in delight at the opportunity to beat someone else down "in friendly competition".  There is nothing "friendly" about that "I win, so you must lose" mindset, and it doesn't foster anything positive that I have ever witnessed. 

As always, I take a bit of time to get to the point, and my point is, we're always in motion.  Saying "yes" or "no" to anything, any situation, anyone, causes a reaction.  Entropy ensues.  You don't stick a glass in mid-air, release it and walk away thinking it will hang suspended, do you?  Of course, not; you recognize the glass will fall, hit the ground and shatter, spilling contents, requiring cleaning of broken shards that might injure, messy liquids that can stain.  That is a very good analogy for our daily actions. 

Our "yes/no" responses to every moment cause such reactions....sometimes there are broken shards of ourselves to pick up, attempt to repair, or recognize that they are best left broken and discarded.  Other "yes/no" responses cause proverbial wounds and blood to spill and leave a stain or scar.  We tidy up as best we can, of course, neaten it up, slap on a bandage and keep moving forward.  Sometimes the wound heals in a practically invisible manner, other times there is a dramatic mark left behind to note the drama that occurred.

The "push me, pull you" part of life is what presents moments of discovery, wonder, beauty.  Recently, I was involved in a work-related drama that had been brewing for a couple of weeks.  My Higher Mind recognized this immediately and began to communicate warning signs via dreams and those "feelings" of intuition we all experience.  I'm happy to say that I recognized all of the above and kept mental note while also continuing to live my life. 

The situation came to an abrupt head with absolute boat loads of drama just dying to happen, to come crashing down and shatter and splash, cut, gouge and destroy.  Years ago, I would have gotten caught up in the drama, I would have allowed myself to get sucked into the negative pool, all with sincere intent to "fix" the whole mess.  I would have been affronted and determined to defend my reputation.  Fortunately, with age comes wisdom and a calmer approach. These days, and with this situation in particular, the absolutely wonderful part was that I simply didn't engage beyond the necessary interaction to put a swift end to said drama.  I was also given the gift of one friendly face in the whole bundle of personalities who embraced my own mindset of stepping back from the dramatic overtones and finding a rational solution to the situation.

Rather than falling into the typical, "Oh no, this is awful, the sky is falling, I must fix it!" mentality, and thus, driving myself into a frenzy of worrying and eventually making myself physically ill, I just recognized the drama for what it was.  An attempt to be the top hand on the baseball bat - a determination to win at all costs, regardless of the fallout or the possible victims.  There was definitely a negative result that I personally experienced, but it had already happened weeks ago and I had dealt with it, come to peace with and about it and had already moved on to newer, better, more positive endeavors.  The other actors in this particular drama were still stuck in the old energy, still very invested in playing the drama up to the highest levels possible.

The good news is, I weathered the storm as though it were less than a single raindrop on a sunny day.  I am still quite captured and captivated by the true simplicity of this whole thing.  "Push me, pull you" can become a person's singular identity if they choose it to be so.  A neverending saga of dramas, arguments, jockeying for power and position, always fighting to have the final word.  OR, "push me, pull you" can become a different dance of energy where you choose to flow in a form of cooperation that actually turns out to be a more true example of success.  Some might call it passive resistance, or if you want to be completely negative, call it passive aggressive behavior...that psychological darling of a catch-phrase. 

I choose to see it, claim it, identify it as STRENGTH.  Rather than engaging in a squabble full of needless drama, I chose to acknowledge the issues, state my opinions in a professional manner, stay cheerful and upbeat and refuse to be sucked into the morass of negativity.  To be honest, the reactions were borderline comical, and I do not say that in a snide manner.  I heard true perplexity in the voices of those I was speaking with as they grappled with someone who would not engage in their carefully crafted scenario.  I could see it clearly for what it was, yet I chose to hold on to the wonderful, positive energy that has been flowing around me and saturating my Life Path in the last several months.  Mark Twain, he of wry, understated humor, said it best, I think:

"Against the assault of laughter, nothing can stand."

This is not to say I was laughing at these people.  It is to indicate that I chose to not be sucked into a needless tangle of negative energy when we were dealing with a moot point to begin with.  In light of this fact, the "push me, pull you" dance really couldn't take place, but as we all know, there are those souls who will determinedly create something tangible where it doesn't exist, just for the sake of stewing in that negativity.  I chose to flow with them, rather than push against or pull away from them.  This is key, my friends.  It is a sister to the analogy of when one door closes, another opens.  Think about it.  If that door is closed and locked and you don't have the key, you can rattle the door knob, push against it, kick the fool out of it and you'll never get it to open.  Isn't it easier to just turn away, glance about you and see that, oh, look there...an open doorway is steps away!?

I am not suggesting abandoning a situation and leaving loose ends that you are responsible for - I am saying to give a difficult situation a fair amount of attention while maintaining a cheerful mien, a positive focus on all the good things surrounding you.  Do this and you flow with the energy.  No struggle is necessary and no harm comes to anyone.  You flow in cooperation because you are maintaining focus on the lightness, the good, the positive, the purposeful.  As a result, the drama and negativity will part around you in a smooth flow of cooperation, parting as water does over an obstacle and flowing onward down the river.  The obstacle is left behind and the water goes rushing merrily onward.  That is what I experienced this week and it was glorious!

Yes, the situation was frustrating and annoying.  It was completely unnecessary, the way it was handled.  There was real opportunity for the whole thing to have lasting and negative fallout on me, personally, in my small town, had I chosen to engage and go in with guns blazing.  What defines us, in the end, is how we choose to react to a given set of circumstances.  I chose laughter.  I chose light.  I chose to flow with energy rather than push against, pull at, kick doors or stir up dissent. In southern terms, we call it "picking your battles" and that is most likely also a euphemism that is widespread.  Some things merit aggressive action; in my opinion, this was not one of those moments.

Perhaps I have strayed far and wide from my friend Beth's original blog post, and that is okay.  That's the beauty of blogging - we cause sparks of inspiration to flare brightly from one another.  In fact, when I think about it, it is another beautiful example of flowing with energy, grasping that spark of inspiration and moving it forward in perhaps a completely unexpected direction and application.  You will read this article and have your own thoughts, reactions and opinions and the flow of energy will continue.  That makes me smile!

It changed everything

The title of this blog post above is taken from a great newsletter email that I receive regularly.  A girlfriend told me about this website that sends affirmations that are tailored to your personal wishes and dreams.  The website is called Tut's Adventure Club.  You register with them, fill out a brief form and then you begin receiving these wonderful, positive, happy emails from The Universe.  I encourage anyone reading this post to check the website out at the link provided above. 

Now, to get back to my point.  Today's email from The Universe was as follows:

"Thanks, Dawn, for every single time you ever fell in love.  Whether or not it was obvious. Whether or not it lasted. And whether or not you were loved back.  It changed everything." Notes from The Universe

That was such an electrifying comment to me!  How beautifully simple and concise a thought to ponder.  We as humans are more apt to focus on the attendant baggage of love, aren't we?  "I loved him, but..."  or "It was almost perfect, except for..."  or "If only..."  or "What if..." Do any of these sound familiar? Who hasn't had at least one, if not all of those thoughts? It's so much easier to get distracted with all the detritus of a romantic relationship, and indeed, many of those details are very important and deserving of our focus. There is so much more, however, to remember from past relationships, with much of it being positive. 

This note from The Universe in my Inbox just stopped me in my tracks.  I call those "polarizing moments", where a thought, a book, a remark - something grabs your attention with such impact that you are literally forced to stop and ponder.  Personally, I love those moments.  They cause me to consider different angles and perspectives that I might not have reached as quickly if left to my own slower approach. I might end up not agreeing with the polarizing moment, I might not adopt that new perspective, but I always come away from those moments changed.  I always learn something new about myself.

How refreshing a perspective from which to view love.  If we're alive, we're going to meet people, fall in love, fall out of love, be blissfully happy, plumb the depths of despair and feel every minute facet, shade and nuance of love.  Love found, love lost.  The loves lost are usually ones that spark feelings of regret, anger...a whole boatload of negative emotions.  How freeing, may I say, is it to draw an imaginary mark on our personal journey or calendar and say that perhaps this is the moment that I learned to think about past loves in a completely different light?  I kind of like that idea.

We are all the sum total of our experiences - the good, the bad and the ugly.  Change an experience and you change who you are today.  Obviously, we can't turn back time and cherry pick the moments.  I think most of us can admit that the difficult times, difficult relationships and memories taught us valuable life skills.  "I'll never do THAT again!"  Right?!  I've had plenty of those epiphanic experiences, haven't you?  And I'm a more balanced, more richly evolved person as a result. 

Today, as a result of that lovely email from The Universe, I am reaping one of those unexpected lessons that I always find such a delight.  I've shifted my habitual tendency to view past loves with predominantly wistful perspective.  Mind you, I don't dwell in sadness or negative thoughts in regard to every single romantic relationship I've had - many of them make me smile when I look back. 

I just happened to feel very struck by the quote above - having loved anyone, anything, anytime, is never wasted or misplaced energy.  I have always firmly believed that to be written in stone fact.  I do not regret loving anyone.  I have, however, regretted some of the outcomes.  The above quote magically lifted that need from my heart - it is simply unnecessary.  Instead, I choose to focus, from this point forward, on the fact that by the simple, open hearted act of loving, this can be nothing but positive, uplifting and lasting.  Perhaps we might not see the repercussions and outward ripples of our moments of love, but they happen.  Perhaps we cannot reach into someone else's heart and change their perspective to just simply appreciate the fact that love was given and received.  Indeed, we can change nothing but our own perspective. I would suggest that by shifting how we feel about those past loves doesn't mean the bad stuff ceases to have happened - it just means that we can release some of the burden we've carried in relation to those past loves.

I am not, by any means, intimating that if you have lost a loved one to death, that you should not grieve that loss.  That is a process all its own and deserves your time and attention to reach a balanced point of acceptance.  I will say that I see, quite often, people who have become stuck in the grieving process to the point that that is who they become - "My name is...and I lost this person to death."  They cannot move beyond the grief to recognize that they are no longer the vibrant, wonderful person their loved one would wish them to be today.  So, I say this gently to everyone reading this post - if you have lost in love, whether it is because one person needed to move on apart from you, or whether it was from losing a loved one to death - think of shifting your perspective.

I'm sharing the quote above with you in the hopes that it gives you one of those moments to ponder that I experienced myself. It is up to you how you receive the statement and how you feel, think and react to it. One immutable point is this: if you have loved, you are/were existing in the most positive energy it is possible to feel on this planet. We cannot see love, except perhaps in the happy faces of the ones upon which we bestow this gift. Love isn't concrete or tangible to touch, unless maybe we're talking about loving touches, embraces, etc.

Rather than eternally grieving the loss of any love, endlessly looking back with regret, for anyone or anything, contemplate celebrating that love existed. Let me repeat that I am not writing this to tell anyone how to think or feel about love.  I was changed by the email message in my Inbox and wanted to share it with you. Celebrate that love has happened numerous times in your life and recognize it in a positive manner.  Be joyful! Love is an energetic presence.  It has a physical, lasting energy that never dies.

And that does change everything.

Celebrate failure

While I am completely familiar with the concept that sometimes not getting what you want is a blessing in disguise, I have to admit that some disappointments sting more than others. I recently was involved in an interview process for a job that I wanted badly. It meant a move to Chicago from East Tennessee and changing my whole life, leaving behind immediate family, friends and an area that I deeply love. The flip side of that coin was a job opportunity that, I felt, was written with me, my heart, my skills, my everything, in mind. I made the cut from 120+ candidates down to the top 3 and in the end, the company chose a different person to fill the position.

I won't lie - part of me was relieved. I've done those big, involved moves before, going to larger cities and the whole process is exhausting. At the same time, it is fun and exhilarating to make that extreme change, learn a new area, meet new people and build a whole new life for yourself. Having done it several times before, I knew I could do it again and be quite happy. I felt that being a bit conflicted inside was just a natural reaction to the possibility of that large and dramatic a change being on the horizon once again.

Well, the news that I wasn't the candidate chosen, while in some ways a relief, was also incredibly frustrating. I was disappointed, then I was downright pissed for at least a day. I wrote to a few close friends, with most of them not bothering to even respond to the emails (big lesson learned there, but a topic for a different blog), and one friend in particular making a comment that literally jarred me. In a good way. His response to my news of not getting the job was, "What great news!" I think I sat there and goggled in surprise at that statement for a few minutes, because it wasn't anywhere near the response I was expecting. I went on to read the rest of his response and am printing it word for word here, because this friend has some wonderful wisdom to impart.

"What great news! Why? Well, because something out there has your name on it and it is not the Chicago company. It is something well beyond your ability to even ask or think... so think big and expect it. It will come when you are ready for it and it will perfect your talent, you'll write about it and it will sell you to your awaiting contracts."

By "contracts" my friend Jeff meant the fact that I'm a freelance technical writer, and as such, am always in hot pursuit of that next contract. That aside, his words made me pause and change my whole perspective on the topic of not getting what we want. I really do know that that's not always the worst thing that can happen - and that, as I said above, it can be a blessing in disguise. This particular friend has this wonderful ability to inject so much positive energy, enthusiasm and sincere appreciation into his words that I wanted to share his wisdom with anyone who reads this blog.

The lesson here is to celebrate failure, as it clearly brings you that one more step closer to your heart's desire. If, however, you choose to get mired down in bitterness, disappointment and moping, you're going to block all that wonderful positive energy from manifesting in your life as efficiently as it is meant to. I don't think that honest disappointment is a bad thing, as long as we don't wallow in that emotional state indefinitely. I was fortunate enough that the one friend who did respond to my news about not landing that job had the perfect words to basically kick my butt in the kindest, most loving way possible, and lift me up in the process. The lifting up part was figuratively a boot up the backside to knock some good old mountain wisdom into my head, and the extra benefit was that I lost the grumpy, gloomy outlook and was immediately full of smiles and positive energy. That is a rare gift to be able to impart and I value this person's ability to be that loving.

Yes, I would have loved to have landed that job in Chicago. It sounded fun, interesting, challenging....everything that I look for in a work environment. But, what a wonderful concept to embrace that as wonderful as that job description was, there is something so much MORE wonderful...richer, rewarding, lucrative, enjoyable and abundant heading my way. This is the unexpectedly sweet lesson to be learned from failure, and an imminently logical reason to celebrate that moment of failure for the very clear road sign that it is....that failure isn't a negative.

One of my favorite scientists to quote is Thomas Alva Edison. Here is a quote he made about failure that I find to be very apropo to this blog:

"I have not failed. I have just found 10,000 ways that did not work."

I like Edison's, and Jeff Nix's approach....celebrate failure, my friends. It means you're moving forward in life!