Saturday, January 9, 2010

The Great Hug Debate

Hugging - Webster's Dictionary tells us that this is a transition verb, most likely of Scandinavian origin, deriving from the Old Norse word "hugga" (to soothe) with the modern day definition being to:

1. press tightly to
2. hold fast
3. stay close to
Okay, so we have the definition.  We all know what a hug is.  The interesting thing to me is how different people perceive the act of hugging.  How about you?  Are you an enthusiastic hugger?  Do you embrace others joyfully with both arms circling for a nice, long squeeze?  Or are you a hug avoider - one of those people who half-heartedly pats others on the back with one arm only, your torso angling away, the whole while sidling awkwardly and quickly out of reach?

As with most expressions of affection, there is no right or wrong answer.  Some of how you view the act of hugging has to do with the environment surrounding your formative years.  My very earliest memories are of my own family - a huge, very closely knit clan - being of the enthusiastic hugger variety.  This, in fact, wasn't always the case, and I didn't learn this until perhaps 15 years ago.  In a random conversation at one of our numerous family reunions (we have a lot of those), an Aunt commented on how much we do hug, and also commented that, "It wasn't always like that though - what made it change and the hugging get started?"  I remember my Mom answering, quite bluntly, "It was when we had all those people pass away so abruptly within such a short span of time."  That was a sobering realization, but also an uplifting one.

photo:  www.sarahrhoades.com
My Mom was talking about a two or three year span in the early 1970's where we lost a series of very dear family members - a Great Aunt, a Mother/Grandmother, an Aunt, and an Uncle.  My Mom is one of 9 siblings, so we are a huge group of people.  This means that death isn't an unknown element and some of these family members had lived long, full lives.  Two others were younger than I am today when they passed with very little warning.  I have no idea who began the practice of hugging during this time period, but it became part of our family ritual and happened when I was so wee that I don't remember life without hugs as a daily occurrence. 

What I feel is noteworthy in regard to my family is that we chose, collectively, to weather a series of tragic losses by growing closer, embracing both literally and figuratively, the ones still living.  The reverse could so easily have happened, with our family fracturing and growing apart.  I am happy to say that we chose the more positive path and this gave all of us an immensely strong foundation from which to draw upon.  I've often been known to state that hugs should be a form of world currency, and as corny and rose-colored glasses mindset as it sounds, I think hugs make us better people. Perhaps, in some small way, if anyone who knows me has always wondered at my enthusiastic hugging, this gives a small window into the birth of this tendency in me.

On a health benefits basis, hugs DO make a difference.  They have been scientifically proven to lower blood pressure and heart rate, thus reducing heart disease.  People who hug more frequently tend to be more open about their emotions and develop a greater sense of closeness and compassion to those around them.  Hugs have also been shown to improve overall mood, increase nerve activity and release the hormone oxytocin - this is the "love bonding" hormone that allows new parents, male and female alike, to bond with their babies. Hugging even helps to ease symptoms of insomnia and calms erratic brain waves. I could list many more benefits of hugging, but these alone are impressive.  Dare I suggest this could be called a true miracle application in a holistic health approach?

Several sources suggest that everyone needs at least four hugs a day for healthy survival, eight hugs a day for emotional strength, and 12 hugs a day to really grow and be empowered. Stop and think about just how often you give or get a hug.

It seems to be more common - and this isn't a gender bashing comment here - that men are less comfortable with hugging than women are.  In fact, this whole topic was sparked by a good natured debate on Facebook w/ a good male friend of mine.  He finally just suggested I write a blog, and the rest is history...you're reading the result.  What do you feel is the reason for the Great Divide between genders regarding hugging?  Do you, personally, enjoy hugging, or do you dread it?  Do you hug with ease or dread the mere mention of the word, let alone the actual act of giving or receiving a hug?  I find this to be an interesting topic, and certainly one deserving of endless discussion.

I am a fan of hugging, for those of you who are curious, but perhaps you already got that from reading about my family history above.  In my personal world, with family, when we come together, hugs are the natural greeting and the same is true for when we depart from one anothers' presence.  I hug close friends with equal fervor - to me, it is a way of expressing genuine care, love, reassurance, beyond just being a happy greeting.  I feel that hugs matter, greatly.  This is my personal stance on The Great Hug Debate.  What's yours?

16 comments:

  1. sometimes i feel like it , sometimes i don't. and i don't think we should have a hugging rule. because then i wouldn't appreciate them . i'd really like to leave them for special people in my life. but that is not a rule either. it's just up to everyone.
    but you're surely right, Dawn - hugs DO make a difference - thank you for a beautiful article! :*
    P.S. hugs to yoooou!!))

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  2. Natasha, I love the way your mind works! I think it's logical to not enforce hugging rules; I recognize that not everyone views the practice w/ the same enthusiasm that I do! Thank you, dear one, for going to the trouble of creating a new google account simply to post a comment here!

    Hugs right back to you, love.

    ~ Dawn

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  3. I agree with both of you. I'm a hugger, but I always let the other person initiate the first one, because I don't know how they feel about hugs. But I love it when they happen!

    I have a co-worker/friend of mine who we never did anything like that. But then one December, on my last day of work before leaving on vacation, she gave me a hug, and now we hug whenever one of us is going to be away for a while (not every day, but when one's going on vacation or, as in this last December, it was her last day before maternity leave). If she hadn't initiated it, I never would have done it, but I love it now.

    Hugs to you both!

    Dave

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  4. Those suggestions for the # of hugs we need each day for various reasons is pretty interesting. I personally love hugs & I love giving hugs, but I don't like it when my hugs are returned with say, a pat on my back. There are certain people I enjoy hugging more than others because they are enthusiastic huggers like me. I guess you can say everyone has their own "hug language" & I've learned to hug people the way they hug. If someone is more of a "pat on the back" type hugger, then I'll hug them that way...not my hug of choice but I can deal with it. :)

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  5. Dave, I appreciate your male perspective. This is what many of my guy friends tell me - that they enjoy hugging, they're just leery of initiating.

    Anahid, as always, you put the neatest spin on things - "everyone has their own 'hug language'" - that is such a great statement! Yep, I agree w/ you, we all do have our own style of hugging, preferences, etc. Calling it a language is so uniquely appropriate!

    Thank you both for taking time to post such insightful comments.

    ~ Dawn

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  6. I agree with you - hugs do make a difference! I am a hugger and certainly good at it, lately I realized.

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  7. I enjoyed reading this so much. It made me realize I'm not getting enough hugs in my life right now. I am also a family that always greets with a strong hug and departs from each others presence with one too. I appreciate the "distant" hugger also taking what I can get from their comfort zone. My Dad was never a hugger when I was a child, but changed over the years where now he wants to give a kiss too. I guess getting older, watching our loved ones come and go does give an important message even if unspoken how important hugs are. thanks dawn, loved it! jane

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  8. I must say that a hug usually makes me feel better. When someone hugs me, with the exceptation of saying hello, I come to think that that person cares about me, whether as family, a friend, or just because I am a human being.

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  9. Surein, I love hearing that you're a guy who enjoys hugging and also recognizes that he gives really good ones! Thanks for taking time to read and post a comment, my friend. Note to readers - Surein has a great blog, "Speech of My Fingertips" on Blogger that I truly enjoy reading. Check him out at: http://www.sureindran.blogspot.com

    Jane, I agree w/ you about how many of us change our "hugging language" as we get older. Better late than never, right?! Thank you for posting a comment!

    KingsKid777 - the health benefits and overall mood boosting power of hugging is fascinating, isn't it! Such a simple thing, a hug, with such strong, far reaching effects! I appreciate your words here.

    ~ Dawn

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  10. Dawn,

    I love to hug!! I've been involved with people who don't like to hug (in fact my Mother-in-law) is one but I give everyone else I know hugs. I think the benefits of hugging are amazing & we could all learn to spread a little more love through hugs!

    Hugs,

    Bill

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  11. Bill, I was pretty sure you'd like this one, since your parting words in any post/email is always "Hugs, Bill"! I will always be a proponent of spreading hug love! I appreciate you very much!

    ~ Dawn

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  12. Four hugs a day...? Really?? Jeez, I'm lucky if I get one!

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  13. Yep, Jenn...amazing, isn't it?! I rarely get hugs myself, simply because I'm a single female and live alone, AND I work at home w/ all the freelancing stuff. Most of my communication w/ peeps is over the phone or internet - not much opportunity for face to face meetings, let alone hugs to happen! I make up for it when I visit family, although it doesn't make even a dent in my huge deficit! Some occasional hugs are still better than zero!

    ~ Dawn

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  14. Hugs are great and I love the affectionate hug not those that you feel like they are pulling away as you begin the hug. But I do believe it depends on the two people that are hugging what type of relationship they have with one another. This conversation could go on and on........ Finally, I believe a hug will tell you where you stand in your friendship or relationship. Thanks for the post Dawn, I am trying to catch up with reading all your wonderful blogs.
    Take care girl, hugs to you.
    Love,
    Sandy Adams

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  15. Hey Sandy, thanks for taking time to visit my bloggy world! You made a very good point, in that the type of hugs people give are a strong indicator of where each stand within the relationship. I'm glad you enjoyed this one and I hope as you get caught up on posts, that you enjoy the rest! Love you much, sister!

    ~ Dawn

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