A different kind of letter

Photo courtesy of
Bing images

If you could write a letter to Love, what would it say?  That's a powerful concept, yes?  For some reason, the past week has introduced a lot of conversation about relationships.  I've talked with friends and family members about various aspects of their current and past relationships.  We've explored and discussed in great detail what went right, what went wrong, where pitfalls lie, how to avoid same.  We've discussed fairytale wishes and the harsh reality that daily Life inflicts on every relationship we're involved in.

Loving and being loved are both simple acts, when you boil them down to their core elements.  STAYING in love is the true challenge, as most of us who have been in any relationship longer than a calendar year can attest to. 

We all want love.  And we all deserve love...both giving and receiving.  I've talked in past blog articles about the manner that we each express love (Allow Love, Healing Morning 10/22/2009 and How Do You Love? Healing Morning 10/23/2009).  We each have a unique fingerprint for the way that we express our deepest emotions.  Some of us are more quiet in our approach, and others are exhuberant and flamboyant. Many fall somewhere in between those two extremes.  The beauty of love is that there is no right or wrong manner of expression, as long as the people around us are aware of our true feelings and devotion.

Most people who follow my blog, or who are connected with me via various social media services know that I am an avid fan of the 13th century Persian philosopher, Rumi.  One of my absolute favorite quotes of this amazing man is as follows:

The minute I heard my first love story,
I started looking for you, not knowing
how blind that was.
Lovers don't finally meet somewhere,
they're in each other all along.

Another favorite Rumi quote:

Because of love

I have become
the giver of light.

This man's thoughts always transport me and lift me up to a higher level of appreciation.  It never fails to rivet my imagination that Rumi lived so many centuries ago, yet much of his thoughts apply to this modern age.  We all know that love is eternal.  For those who believe in an existence beyond this physical plane, the concept of love gains a completely different meaning and dimension.  Loss and sadness become bearable because of this, as the belief of reunion at some point is embraced. 

Nothing I say here is unique, or new.  Philosophers and great minds, artists, poets and musicians have plumbed the depths of Love, finding endless forms of expression.  Personally, I have a continual inner dialogue with Love.  Some would call it God/Universe...that Divine Higher Power.  Some would call these conversations prayer.  For me, the conversation is ongoing and multi-layered.  I don't believe that a single letter to Love would suffice, if I were to sit down and focus on a simple communication.  That's why I tend to engage in mindful interaction on a daily basis with God/Universe.  I see the answers everywhere around me.  In nature, in the faces and smiles of those I love, in random unexpected moments of laughter, in hardship and in those exquisitely peaceful moments of quiet. 

In the most trying and challenging of times, Love has never left my life path.  I feel it as a sure, steady thread of energy.  If I could describe my mental images, I would paint a tapestry of delicate, yet sturdy woven fabric...invisible to our human eyes, but palpable.  Love is felt with all our senses, after all.  Through touch, through sight, through sounds and fragrances that build hallmark memories.  It wraps around us like an energetic blanket, so I guess that's why I envision an ethereal fabric that is incapable of being truly destroyed.  In my mind's eye, the fabric of Love is an enduring, one-size-fits-all piece of cloth. 

As far as the original question that I posed, I think of that often. What would my letter to Love say?  I have written a few of those over the years and most likely will write more.  It's what I do, after all....writing and questioning and musing on those indefinable concepts.  I have always thought that the conversation, if I could have it face to face with Love, would begin with a smile and a warm, welcoming, heartfelt embrace.  And soon thereafter, I would engage in a conversation spanning all of known time.  Can you imagine the stories that Love could tell us?  The beauty is almost beyond comprehension, showering down upon countless individuals throughout history, as the human spirit bursts with the need and desire to express love. 

Ancient wisdom teaches us that that which we identify as God, or the Divine, sought to create a world where this energy of Love could be physically expressed....and our beautiful planet was the result.  So, perhaps one of my letters to Love would begin with a simple Thank You, and a nod of appreciation for sticking with us here on Earth, giving us endless opportunities to give Love a voice, hands to touch, arms to embrace and hearts to overflow.

The Great Hug Debate

Hugging - Webster's Dictionary tells us that this is a transition verb, most likely of Scandinavian origin, deriving from the Old Norse word "hugga" (to soothe) with the modern day definition being to:

1. press tightly to
2. hold fast
3. stay close to

Okay, so we have the definition.  We all know what a hug is.  The interesting thing to me is how different people perceive the act of hugging.  How about you?  Are you an enthusiastic hugger?  Do you embrace others joyfully with both arms circling for a nice, long squeeze?  Or are you a hug avoider - one of those people who half-heartedly pats others on the back with one arm only, your torso angling away, the whole while sidling awkwardly and quickly out of reach?

As with most expressions of affection, there is no right or wrong answer.  Some of how you view the act of hugging has to do with the environment surrounding your formative years.  My very earliest memories are of my own family - a huge, very closely knit clan - being of the enthusiastic hugger variety.  This, in fact, wasn't always the case, and I didn't learn this until perhaps 15 years ago.  In a random conversation at one of our numerous family reunions (we have a lot of those), an Aunt commented on how much we do hug, and also commented that, "It wasn't always like that though - what made it change and the hugging get started?"  I remember my Mom answering, quite bluntly, "It was when we had all those people pass away so abruptly within such a short span of time."  That was a sobering realization, but also an uplifting one.

photo:  www.sarahrhoades.com

My Mom was talking about a two or three year span in the early 1970's where we lost a series of very dear family members - a Great Aunt, a Mother/Grandmother, an Aunt, and an Uncle.  My Mom is one of 9 siblings, so we are a huge group of people.  This means that death isn't an unknown element and some of these family members had lived long, full lives.  Two others were younger than I am today when they passed with very little warning.  I have no idea who began the practice of hugging during this time period, but it became part of our family ritual and happened when I was so wee that I don't remember life without hugs as a daily occurrence. 

What I feel is noteworthy in regard to my family is that we chose, collectively, to weather a series of tragic losses by growing closer, embracing both literally and figuratively, the ones still living.  The reverse could so easily have happened, with our family fracturing and growing apart.  I am happy to say that we chose the more positive path and this gave all of us an immensely strong foundation from which to draw upon.  I've often been known to state that hugs should be a form of world currency, and as corny and rose-colored glasses mindset as it sounds, I think hugs make us better people. Perhaps, in some small way, if anyone who knows me has always wondered at my enthusiastic hugging, this gives a small window into the birth of this tendency in me.

On a health benefits basis, hugs DO make a difference.  They have been scientifically proven to lower blood pressure and heart rate, thus reducing heart disease.  People who hug more frequently tend to be more open about their emotions and develop a greater sense of closeness and compassion to those around them.  Hugs have also been shown to improve overall mood, increase nerve activity and release the hormone oxytocin - this is the "love bonding" hormone that allows new parents, male and female alike, to bond with their babies. Hugging even helps to ease symptoms of insomnia and calms erratic brain waves. I could list many more benefits of hugging, but these alone are impressive.  Dare I suggest this could be called a true miracle application in a holistic health approach?

Several sources suggest that everyone needs at least four hugs a day for healthy survival, eight hugs a day for emotional strength, and 12 hugs a day to really grow and be empowered. Stop and think about just how often you give or get a hug.

It seems to be more common - and this isn't a gender bashing comment here - that men are less comfortable with hugging than women are.  In fact, this whole topic was sparked by a good natured debate on Facebook w/ a good male friend of mine.  He finally just suggested I write a blog, and the rest is history...you're reading the result.  What do you feel is the reason for the Great Divide between genders regarding hugging?  Do you, personally, enjoy hugging, or do you dread it?  Do you hug with ease or dread the mere mention of the word, let alone the actual act of giving or receiving a hug?  I find this to be an interesting topic, and certainly one deserving of endless discussion.

I am a fan of hugging, for those of you who are curious, but perhaps you already got that from reading about my family history above.  In my personal world, with family, when we come together, hugs are the natural greeting and the same is true for when we depart from one anothers' presence.  I hug close friends with equal fervor - to me, it is a way of expressing genuine care, love, reassurance, beyond just being a happy greeting.  I feel that hugs matter, greatly.  This is my personal stance on The Great Hug Debate.  What's yours?