Morning Meditation - Distribution of Lightning

 Morning meditation™️. Not everything need be serious to carry value. If it makes you laugh & feel lighthearted, it is a healing moment! ✨

#HealingMorning™️  #MorningMeditation™️  #MarkTwain  #SamuelClemens  #HumorousBard

Zero Happy

So, the conversation happened on Facebook today, and it went like this:

 

How often are we able to say our day was blessed with such an unexpected, sweet moment like this?!  Zero Dean is a friend that I met through Facebook and he is one of the most talented, funny, kind people that I have yet to meet face to face.  I have met several people in person whom I originally met via social media; Zero is still on that list of need-to-meet-in-person.  I'm working on getting him out to my side of the country in 2015.  I'm sure he will find a way to create a storyline, take beautiful pictures and video footage in the process.

So, today for me is the day following a big professional networking event.  The day after these events tends to be full of tying off loose ends, tending to final details, and putting plans in place for the next event.  You rarely have downtime between each of these events - you're always working on the current event, finishing up from the most recent one, or planning for the next one.  "No rest for the weary" is an axiom that applies here.  This is not a complaint, mind you.  I am sharing what has been going on in my world this week to indicate that my energy today has been a trifle low.  That's not unexpected, as I've been doing this type of event management for many years - I expect to be mentally and physically tired the day after a successful event.  That proved true for today, and I have been working primarily in my home office and on the phone.  No running of errands, no leaving the house.  Just getting my second wind and winding down the business week.  

And out of the blue, I clicked on the Facebook notification that led me to the above conversation with Zero. (Yes, that's his real name; no, it's not a nickname; it's his story to tell and we're focusing on something different here today.  Ask him about it; it's an interesting story!)  I don't know about anyone else who is reading this, but I admit to sitting and staring at the words on my laptop screen that Zero shared, more than a little stunned.  Stunned in a good way!  Humbled, of a certainty.  Charmed a fair amount, and then puzzled as to how my coming up in his conversation prompted him to smile.  I guess that we rarely see ourselves in such a light, and I've discussed this very topic before here at Healing Morning (One Wish, Healing Morning, 12/15/2009, and By any other name, Healing Morning, 1/9/2011).  We tend to default more to self-doubt and lack of self-confidence.  If we're fortunate, occasionally someone close to our heart will take the time to remind us of that golden light that emanates from us.  That's what Zero did for me today.  He reminded me of the beauty of my spirit....of my True Self.

I still have no idea what the content of the conversation was that Zero referenced happening to him this morning, and I have no idea with whom he had this conversation.  What matters to me is that he had this experience in this conversation, and he recognized that it made him happy.  Better still, he went that extra step to reach out to me and let me know I was part of his happy moment.  I truly cannot think of any higher compliment, or of anything more surely guaranteed to delight the heart.  

Knowing we're in some small way responsible for lifting someone's heart, for tipping their lips to smile, for sparking a twinkle into their eyes.....that is value beyond measure! 

Zero is one of those bright spirits who is bucking traditional thoughts and is creating his own unique existence.  I expect great things from him in the near future, as he is talented in so many tangible ways.  What I appreciate the most about him is hard to define.  He makes me laugh constantly, because we share a similar irreverent sense of humor.  He makes me ponder deeply, because he is as interested as I am in delving more deeply into people than is common.  He touches my heart with a level of compassion and sweetness (which will probably horrify him - manly men do not prefer labels such as "sweetness" applied to their manly selves) that sometimes renders me silent, and prompts tears.  That's what he did today - he had me smiling and tearing up from taking maybe 10 seconds out of his day to post that message on my Facebook page.  He cared enough to share his Happy with me and as I replied to him, that caused the Happy to become exponential.  I love this guy, can y'all tell? 

Because I love him, and appreciate him, I want the world to know about him.  I want people to discover the zany fun and shenaniganry he tosses about.  I want people to discover his incredibly beautiful photography and videos.  I want people to appreciate his agile mind, and his dedication to touching the world in a different manner.  You can find my friend, Zero, on his Facebook page, and on his website, where all of his artistic and literary endeavors come together in one location.

I am coining a new term, which I think he will enjoy - today he gave me a Zero Happy moment!  

My purpose is ___________.

Photo:  www.creepypasta.wikia.com

My talented friend, Tameka Mullins (Lyric Fire blog) posted this today on her Facebook page:

My purpose is _____________.

She shared her own impression of her raison d'etre in a beautiful manner and I loved the concept.  I dashed off my own reply:

Good question! To write. To love. To recognize the beauty in those around me and give them a shining mirror to see their own beauty. To remember that my words have power and as such, to use them mindfully. To share my heart in an authentic manner. To see those obscure yet breathtaking moments around me and scribe them, painting them onto paper. I do much of this via the medium of writing, but I also do it by simply being Me.  - SDS 1/29/2012

I was immediately struck by the thought that this would make a fun blog post, so I zipped off an inquiry and request to Tameka to use her idea here.  She like the idea and here I am, tapping away at my keyboard.

It's an interesting, thought provoking question, yes?  My purpose is ______________.  The fascinating thing is that at any given moment, our answer can and probably does change.  We change from moment to moment, after all.  With each breath, there is potential for a new experience that will shape and change us.

If I had to boil it all down to an inclusive, all encompassing thought, I would automatically say that my purpose is to write.  That's why it was my first response above.  Writing is such an intrinsic part of my nature that it touches literally every part of my life.  I write as a vocation, to make a regular living, and I write as an avocation, to please myself and satisfy my need to create.

Probably the other purpose that didn't occur to me when I dashed off my response above is another simple one:  To grow.

That's why we're here on this Earth School, after all.  To grow.  To learn.  To mature.  To become that better version of ourselves on a daily basis.  We do this by trying, failing, succeeding.  We try on different hats to see how they suit us in myriad applications - relationships, careers, creative pursuits, healthy ambitions, places to live and travel.  The list is endless.

Tameka's Facebook post gave me an immediate and entertaining challenge and I responded with a stream of consciousness flow of words.  Usually when we do that type of writing, it is as visceral and truthful a response as you can achieve.  So, in an interesting manner, I gave myself that same mirror that I mentioned in my own comment.  I recognized some things about myself of which I am already cognizant and comfortable.  When I read my words back, I smiled, because the picture painted was that perfect fit.

There have been times when I have engaged in similar writing exercises when the resulting picture wasn't as perfect a fit.  There is value in that very thing, being confronted with thoughts that we didn't realize we espoused until challenged to give them voice.  I've grown dramatically from such experiences.

Today's exercise was lighthearted, effortless and fun.  Tameka's delightful response further in her thread was:

Wow, Dawn! What a beautiful purpose you have! You give good purpose! LOL!

Isn't that the BEST comment that she made?  "You give good purpose."  I think this belongs on a t-shirt, similar to the one posted above.  I know I'd certainly buy it and wear it!

Why not take a few minutes and play this game with Tameka and I?  Empty your mind, take a deep breath and just write.  Don't over think it.  Just let the words flow until you feel it is finished.  Then read your words back and see what you learn about yourself.  If you're so inclined, share here with us - I think it will be a fun experience for all of us.

I also encourage you to click the link for Tameka's wonderful blog, Lyric Fire and experience her writing.  She is wonderfully talented and I enjoy myself every time I pay her a visit.  Tameka, thank you for the inspiration for this post!

Almost there!

Social media, as I've written about quite a lot lately, is an incredible tool to connect with people around the globe.  Occasionally, we get really lucky and connect with someone via social media that happens to be in your own home town.  This very thing happened to me a couple of months ago, with me connecting with a new girlfriend.  We discovered many fun little details and experiences in common and chatted here and there via Facebook for many weeks before we got around to talking on the phone.  Once that occurred, it was that happy spontaneous combustion where both hearts recognize one another and friendship is remembered in a blaze of excitement, common interests and resonating energy.

Fast forward to a recent networking event that was being held at a downtown Knoxville location and we were afforded the opportunity to drive to this event together.  It was during the last few weeks of the truly vicious winter the whole country was dealing with and I have a bad habit of not using a proper winter coat when I really should.  When we left the event late that evening, of course it was dark and the temperature had dropped considerably.  As is common in most downtown areas, the higher buildings create a wind tunnel effect that whips the cold air into a rapier sharp weapon that steals your breath and stiffens your legs to the point that you can barely bend your knees as you hurry along.

That night, this new friendship was solidified by just such a sharp, winter wind.  We were leaving the restaurant we had chosen for dinner after the networking event, and as we walked across Market Square in Knoxville, the wind tore down and slapped into us with enough force to make us both stagger.  The primary objective was to get through the Square and behind some high enough building that might block the wind long enough for us to reach the parking garage.  The photo to the left is of Market Square in the snow.

Me being my southern belle type of self, rather than swearing as viciously as the merciless wind deserved, I was breathlessly uttering my own litany and version of profanity. "Oh my word above!" "Holy conniptions!"  "Sweet merciful petunias!"  My girlfriend was laughing breathlessly at the novel form of swearing, informing me what an absolute rebel I was.  We continued to hurry along, leaving the Square behind, but unfortunately we stepped into an even more brutal wind tunnel effect as we got close to the parking garage.

My girlfriend rushed ahead of me, exclaiming all the way, "Almost there, Dawn!  Almost there!"  This dissolved me into helpless giggles, as we were nowhere near "almost there" by any stretch of the imagination.  Yet she kept declaring this positive statement as she bustled forward, continuing to spark absolute hilarity in her wake.  The wind was tossing her winter scarf over her shoulder to dance and fly up in the air, entertaining me even more.  This resulting laughter had the typical effect of making my knees weak and me even more breathless.  "Almost there, Dawn!" kept trailing behind her, the cheerful words being snatched gleefully by the whipping winds as she outdistanced me, unhampered by helpless laughter as I was. 

In that moment of absolute absurdity, my mind split in two, as it often does, and recognized the sheer power of her statement.  "Almost there!"  Yes, we were approaching the parking garage with varying degrees of success, one of us leading the charge, uttering encouragement and determination, the other straggling behind, giggling and stumbling, yet equally determined and enjoying the journey in a slightly different manner.  It struck me that this moment of silliness and laughter between two girlfriends was a beautiful analogy.  We are all always on the verge of becoming.  Always on the verge of discovering.  Always on the verge of achieving. Always on the  verge of blossoming, lifting our faces to the warm sun.  Always on the verge of breaking through.  Always on the verge of conquering.  Always doing all of the above in our own individual, unique fashion.

Today, several weeks later, our friendship has become so solid that we both have to work at remembering when we didn't know one another.  This is often one of the most precious side benefits of friendship, that the heart realizes and remembers that we have done this many times before, and the love is simply a continuation in this moment, this place, this time.  Now we constantly throw out "almost there!" in relation to practically everything we're discussing or experiencing together, because it is always apropo.  It always applies to every single moment.  And on a purely mundane note, it makes us both laugh.  To me, that is particularly beautiful.

Life is a series of cycles.  Beginnings and endings.  Lessons learned, lessons begun anew.  Experiences achieved, and new dreams explored.  Personally, being in constant pursuit of that next hilltop, that next new vista, that next achievement is what drives me.  It is a personal joy of mine to constantly be growing and changing, learning, discovering and evolving.  The beauty of this process is that "almost there" is the irresistible lure that beckons me forward. 

Sharing this experience with this new, yet old friend is the cherry on top of the whipped cream on top of the sundae.  Even better, this same premise applies to many of the friends I have reconnected with via social media.  Despite the fact that many of them are in far flung geographical locations from my own home, I have a deep inner knowing that I will see many of them face to face.  I have no idea how this will manifest and am not concerned with the actual mechanics of it all; I simply have that inner certainty that it will occur.  And once again, I am able to smile and throw in a cheerful "almost there!" declaration and enjoy how the entertwining threads create more unique fabric between friends of the heart who will eventually lay eyes on one another for the first time. 

That hopeful stage of becoming is constantly changing, adapting and adjusting when necessary, and most importantly, continually inspiring each of us to reach for more.  Simply....more.  That human desire to expand our minds, and more importantly, our hearts and our Spirit. Journeying forward, sometimes together, other times apart, connecting again at seemingly random moments that are actually an intricate orchestration. Experiencing.  Becoming.  On the verge.  Almost there!

Push me, Pull you

 http://cgge.aag.org/Migration1e/ConceptualFramework_Jan10/PushPull_Theory.jpg

Inspired by my dear friend, Beth Chapman's wonderfully thought provoking post, Saying Yes in her Hope's Breath blog, here I am a while later, with the thoughts a-whirling.  What is it that we do, that dance of aggression one moment, magnificent dismissal the next, yet another time rushing in with earnest enthusiasm, all with an eye towards creating an exchange of energy.  "I'm right, you're wrong."  "Don't do that, do THIS."  "That's nice, but let's change it."  Someone always wants and needs to be holding the upper hand.  That phrase, by the way, "getting the upper hand" is derived from...a GAME, people!

"Having the upper hand is one such expression which originated with the advent of the game of baseball. In order to determine which team would bat first, a player from each team would come forth. One player would hold the lower end of the bat and the player from the other team would place his hand above it. They would continue alternating hands this way until the last hand on the bat would be the upper hand and that team would get to bat first, having got the upper hand." The Tribune

How's that for being as triumphantly "right" as any euphemism can be?!  It is the epitome of "one-upping" and underscores how we so often look at life as a competition.  Personally, I have never been competitive with others.  In fact, I find it to be a very unpleasant situation to be in when another person practically sprouts fangs and salivates in delight at the opportunity to beat someone else down "in friendly competition".  There is nothing "friendly" about that "I win, so you must lose" mindset, and it doesn't foster anything positive that I have ever witnessed. 

As always, I take a bit of time to get to the point, and my point is, we're always in motion.  Saying "yes" or "no" to anything, any situation, anyone, causes a reaction.  Entropy ensues.  You don't stick a glass in mid-air, release it and walk away thinking it will hang suspended, do you?  Of course, not; you recognize the glass will fall, hit the ground and shatter, spilling contents, requiring cleaning of broken shards that might injure, messy liquids that can stain.  That is a very good analogy for our daily actions. 

Our "yes/no" responses to every moment cause such reactions....sometimes there are broken shards of ourselves to pick up, attempt to repair, or recognize that they are best left broken and discarded.  Other "yes/no" responses cause proverbial wounds and blood to spill and leave a stain or scar.  We tidy up as best we can, of course, neaten it up, slap on a bandage and keep moving forward.  Sometimes the wound heals in a practically invisible manner, other times there is a dramatic mark left behind to note the drama that occurred.

The "push me, pull you" part of life is what presents moments of discovery, wonder, beauty.  Recently, I was involved in a work-related drama that had been brewing for a couple of weeks.  My Higher Mind recognized this immediately and began to communicate warning signs via dreams and those "feelings" of intuition we all experience.  I'm happy to say that I recognized all of the above and kept mental note while also continuing to live my life. 

The situation came to an abrupt head with absolute boat loads of drama just dying to happen, to come crashing down and shatter and splash, cut, gouge and destroy.  Years ago, I would have gotten caught up in the drama, I would have allowed myself to get sucked into the negative pool, all with sincere intent to "fix" the whole mess.  I would have been affronted and determined to defend my reputation.  Fortunately, with age comes wisdom and a calmer approach. These days, and with this situation in particular, the absolutely wonderful part was that I simply didn't engage beyond the necessary interaction to put a swift end to said drama.  I was also given the gift of one friendly face in the whole bundle of personalities who embraced my own mindset of stepping back from the dramatic overtones and finding a rational solution to the situation.

Rather than falling into the typical, "Oh no, this is awful, the sky is falling, I must fix it!" mentality, and thus, driving myself into a frenzy of worrying and eventually making myself physically ill, I just recognized the drama for what it was.  An attempt to be the top hand on the baseball bat - a determination to win at all costs, regardless of the fallout or the possible victims.  There was definitely a negative result that I personally experienced, but it had already happened weeks ago and I had dealt with it, come to peace with and about it and had already moved on to newer, better, more positive endeavors.  The other actors in this particular drama were still stuck in the old energy, still very invested in playing the drama up to the highest levels possible.

The good news is, I weathered the storm as though it were less than a single raindrop on a sunny day.  I am still quite captured and captivated by the true simplicity of this whole thing.  "Push me, pull you" can become a person's singular identity if they choose it to be so.  A neverending saga of dramas, arguments, jockeying for power and position, always fighting to have the final word.  OR, "push me, pull you" can become a different dance of energy where you choose to flow in a form of cooperation that actually turns out to be a more true example of success.  Some might call it passive resistance, or if you want to be completely negative, call it passive aggressive behavior...that psychological darling of a catch-phrase. 

I choose to see it, claim it, identify it as STRENGTH.  Rather than engaging in a squabble full of needless drama, I chose to acknowledge the issues, state my opinions in a professional manner, stay cheerful and upbeat and refuse to be sucked into the morass of negativity.  To be honest, the reactions were borderline comical, and I do not say that in a snide manner.  I heard true perplexity in the voices of those I was speaking with as they grappled with someone who would not engage in their carefully crafted scenario.  I could see it clearly for what it was, yet I chose to hold on to the wonderful, positive energy that has been flowing around me and saturating my Life Path in the last several months.  Mark Twain, he of wry, understated humor, said it best, I think:

"Against the assault of laughter, nothing can stand."

This is not to say I was laughing at these people.  It is to indicate that I chose to not be sucked into a needless tangle of negative energy when we were dealing with a moot point to begin with.  In light of this fact, the "push me, pull you" dance really couldn't take place, but as we all know, there are those souls who will determinedly create something tangible where it doesn't exist, just for the sake of stewing in that negativity.  I chose to flow with them, rather than push against or pull away from them.  This is key, my friends.  It is a sister to the analogy of when one door closes, another opens.  Think about it.  If that door is closed and locked and you don't have the key, you can rattle the door knob, push against it, kick the fool out of it and you'll never get it to open.  Isn't it easier to just turn away, glance about you and see that, oh, look there...an open doorway is steps away!?

I am not suggesting abandoning a situation and leaving loose ends that you are responsible for - I am saying to give a difficult situation a fair amount of attention while maintaining a cheerful mien, a positive focus on all the good things surrounding you.  Do this and you flow with the energy.  No struggle is necessary and no harm comes to anyone.  You flow in cooperation because you are maintaining focus on the lightness, the good, the positive, the purposeful.  As a result, the drama and negativity will part around you in a smooth flow of cooperation, parting as water does over an obstacle and flowing onward down the river.  The obstacle is left behind and the water goes rushing merrily onward.  That is what I experienced this week and it was glorious!

Yes, the situation was frustrating and annoying.  It was completely unnecessary, the way it was handled.  There was real opportunity for the whole thing to have lasting and negative fallout on me, personally, in my small town, had I chosen to engage and go in with guns blazing.  What defines us, in the end, is how we choose to react to a given set of circumstances.  I chose laughter.  I chose light.  I chose to flow with energy rather than push against, pull at, kick doors or stir up dissent. In southern terms, we call it "picking your battles" and that is most likely also a euphemism that is widespread.  Some things merit aggressive action; in my opinion, this was not one of those moments.

Perhaps I have strayed far and wide from my friend Beth's original blog post, and that is okay.  That's the beauty of blogging - we cause sparks of inspiration to flare brightly from one another.  In fact, when I think about it, it is another beautiful example of flowing with energy, grasping that spark of inspiration and moving it forward in perhaps a completely unexpected direction and application.  You will read this article and have your own thoughts, reactions and opinions and the flow of energy will continue.  That makes me smile!

The magic of Samuel Clemens

I go through stages where I become engrossed in one or two authors or poets, and tend to use many of their quotes as points of inspiration for blogs, or just to throw out on my Facebook and Twitter posts to share with friends.  One of my lifelong favorite authors has always been Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens), he of Huck Finn, Tom Sawyer fame.  All American school children read at least one of his works at some point in their primary educational years.  I went steps further and began to learn more about Samuel Clemens, the man, and find that after a lifetime of learning about him, I continue to uncover new, interesting details. 

The most entertaining thing about Mr. Clemens and his alter ego, Mark Twain, is the sheer volume of witticisms that exist and are attributed to him.  His sense of humor leaned decidedly towards the dry, sarcastic, deprecating observations of life.  Whenever I feel in need of something to lighten my spirits, I almost always turn to my journals of quotes that I have written over a lifetime, and a large number of those recorded quotes are from Mark Twain.  He always makes me laugh, and many times makes it clear that regardless of the times in which he lived, his quotes could easily apply to this modern age.

“Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live.”

“Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.”

“There is a good side and a bad side to most people, and in accordance with your own character and disposition you will bring out one of them and the other will remain a sealed book to you.”

"I'm glad I did it, partly because it was worth it, but mostly because I shall never have to do it again."

“Keep away from those who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you believe that you too can become great.”'

“Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.”

“It's spring fever.... You don't quite know what it is you DO want, but it just fairly makes your heart ache, you want it so!

Those are just a few of the quotes I have copied down over the years that Mr. Clemens shared with the world.  His point of view, sometimes lighthearted, other times harsh and condemning, always has the power to make me laugh, or to stop and ponder.  He lived a life that was full of excitement, travel, success, failure and many tragic moments - he lost three children and outlived his beloved wife.  He was known to have poor judgment in business investments and was always one step ahead of financial distaster throughout most of his adult life.  Fortunately for us, he was a prolific writer throughout his lifetime, toured the world on a highly publicized lecture tour and was often quoted.  We are the benefactors today of all of his efforts. (The Mark Twain House website)

I remain an appreciative audience of Mr. Clemens/Mark Twain simply because he has always provided me with small moments of genuine laughter.  I value those moments so much, and love to share them with others.  Life isn't always meant to focus on the somber, ponderous, grave topics - we have those aplenty.  Therefore, why not take little snippets of time to stop, be carefree and page through books of thoughts such as the ones above and a few more that I couldn't resist sharing...

“I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.”

“I was gratified to be able to answer promptly. I said, 'I don't know.'"

“We had the sky up there, all speckled with stars, and we used to lay on our backs and look up at them, and discuss about whether they was made or only just happened.”

“Yes, even I am dishonest. Not in many ways, but in some. Forty-one I think it is.”

“I have seen slower people than I am and more deliberate... and even quieter, and more listless, and lazier people than I am. But they were dead.”

“I like a good story well told. That is the reason I am sometimes forced to tell them myself.”

I am thoroughly charmed, teased into laughter on days that I might be feeling sluggish and run down, and quite often wind up belly laughing at some of this man's thoughts.  I think, had I been given the chance, that I might have enjoyed talking with him face to face.  His words remind me that life is meant to be enjoyed, that the oftentimes bizarre or even frustrating days that are handed to us also offer humor, if we care to look for it.  I will continue to be a fan and student of Mr. Clemens' works for the rest of my life, and no doubt, if you're connected to me on social media forums such as Facebook and Twitter, you'll see me posting quotes of Mark Twain fairly often. 

I simply felt like writing a blog that didn't have a deeply meaningful, socially constructive theme to it.  Rather, I wanted to concentrate on the simple act of embracing little things that make me smile.  Mark Twain's quotes fall into that category, and as such, I leave you with one final thought:

“The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.” 

Age old dichotomy

Photo:  wojemusic.com

So, I was chatting with a friend via email earlier today, about the various and sundry basic differences between the sexes. A guy friend, to be specific. Somehow, in the midst of several other topics, we got off on a tangent of the differences between men and women. You all have probably at least heard of that book, the one that throws out Mars vs. Venus mentality. While at times, I think that concept is somewhat simplistic in approach, it cannot be denied that there is truth there.

I had been venting in an email earlier in the week, and this friend did what had to be a very difficult thing for him, which was that he just listened. He wrote back that it definitely was his nature to automatically "fix things" but that he understood that, sometimes, women really do just want men to listen. How about that, ladies....a man who really does recognize that simple truth! He admitted that he "got it" but also admitted that his knee-jerk tendency is always going to be to just jump right in and fix the situation in a typically manly fashion. I'm joking at bit at the expense of all men, of course. They could shoot right back with their own pithy comments on our typically female tendencies.

The whole spark for this conversation was that this guy friend really, really (no, REALLY) likes to fix things. It's just his nature. My nature is that I like to really, really (no, REALLY) analyze things. While I was replying via email, my mind drifted back to a conversation that I had had with a group of girlfriends, probably a good twenty years ago. It was about the silly things we all do when home alone that we would rarely admit to anyone.

For example, I still am not that comfortable letting a hand or foot dangle off the side of the mattress in the middle of the night because, well, the Thing That Lives Under The Bed could grab me. I've always wondered, honestly, do men think these things? Or even worry about them? Or is it just a female tendency? And if men don't think or worry about such things, what are their quiet little secrets that they'd simply die before admitting to us?

Getting back to the subject of men vs. women, yes, it probably doesn't make sense that we females do want to vent to you men, but we don't necessarily want you to fix things - we want you to listen. I'm repeating that concept, because it tends to make men just sort of stop and stare with a puzzled expression, or perhaps scratch your head a bit.

"'Just listen, she says,'" you echo. "No killing, or conquering necessary. Hmmph. Go figure."

We know you probably don't get exactly why we want that, because you're much more comfortable with fixing the issue at hand. Fixing means action is involved and that's a comfortable spot for men. Listening involves, well, listening and not blasting testosterone.

I.e., in your most reasonable, manly tone, you much prefer to say to us, "Just show me what to aim at so I can kill it for you and we can go eat dinner."

I went on to say that, conversely, we females don't get how, when there's a creepy noise outside, you men automatically leap out of bed, grab the nearest bashing-their-brains-out tool at hand, and go OUTSIDE to investigate. We women know that that's what the bed linens are for - to pull over your head and wait until the creepy noise goes away. However, this practical attitude changes somewhat if you're going to leave us alone, in the dark, in the bedroom while you go stalk the creepy noise.

In that case, we suddenly become a big fan of your manly qualities, leap from the bed and plaster ourselves to your heels as you stalk that creepy noise. That way, we're assured of the fact that we won't die in that darkened bedroom all alone while you're OUTSIDE, investigating. This is when it immediately makes perfect sense to suddenly embrace the logic of the opposite sex. Women recognize that the person left in the darkened bedroom, or living room, etc., in any B-grade horror movie is the one that dies first, and usually, most hideously. Men are more concerned with bashing something a good lick or two so they can come back inside, dust their hands off and fall into bed to sleep the sleep of a job well done.

Personally, I'd love to have that approach at times, because it is direct, to the point and it seems so simple and efficient. Is that my nature? Of course not! Being the analytical type that I am, I prefer to poke at the situation, circle around it, maybe shift it a few inches over to that side, then maybe push it right back where it started, then have a cup of hot tea while I think about it from another angle. This would drive most self-respecting manly men quietly out of their minds, I realize. Not to mention the fact that if it were one of those B-grade horror movies, I'd have already gotten my head and my hand lopped off when I poked at the issue to begin with.

This is how my writer's imagination takes hold of a tiny thread of thought and just dives in with creative enthusiasm. I can't help it. Questions start to swim in my brain, demanding answers.

When men are all alone for a long weekend, say that their spouse or significant other is on a business trip, do they tend to leave more lights on throughout the house at night? That girlfriend conversation I mentioned from years ago shared some hilarious examples of what women do when their spouse or boyfriend is away for more than one night, and I must point out that many of them had to do with avoiding The Thing That Lives Under The Bed. This made me feel SO much better that I wasn't the only person alive who is leery of that critter!

One anecdote involved a girlfriend taking a running leap to jump into bed from several feet away, thus avoiding walking right up to the mattress and running the risk of getting her ankle grabbed by The Thing. (Apparently, it is Universally recognized by all females that when the guy is home, The Thing isn't as brave about grabbing ankles or a dangling over the mattress hand. Again, it's probably something about testosterone being present.) She went on to tell us that she kept a stack of books on the bedside table to throw at the wall switch to turn off the overhead light, rather than do her running leap in the dark. She also slept right slap in the center of the mattress so that The Thing wouldn't know which side she would jump out of in the morning - and her exit, similar to her entry, was a huge, giant leap that she made certain spanned a good three feet from the edge of the mattress, guaranteeing that her Exit Strategy placed her well beyond the territory of the dreaded Ankle Grab Zone. I hadn't ever thought of that maneuver, but I do remember laughing so hard at the tales admitted to in that conversation that I was crying and my face was cramping up.

It's the eternal debate - men and women really DO approach things differently. I can guarantee that anyone reading this blog is sitting there, sagely nodding....men and women alike, with myriad scenarios running through their mind that make complete sense to their specific gender, but would mystify the other gender completely. I would also hazard a guess that the biggest percentage of those scenarios are just downright funny if you were to put them into written format. If you're so inclined, after reading this blog, please feel free to share your own Mars vs. Venus anecdotes in the Comments section. I'm always up for hearing more hilarious anecdotes and variations to a theme!

There really isn't a higher-minded, spiritual purpose to this particular post. The friend I was chatting with via email just pointed out to me that I had entertained him with a few brief comments on the subject and suggested it might make for a good blog topic. I agreed, and sat down to write on the topic and this is what I finished with. It is meant to read as a lighthearted, good-natured view of both sexes and how we uniquely approach life. If I made you laugh, then my job was well done and I'm happy. I have laughed multiple times while writing out the memories and the various scenarios. Laughter is healing and joyful, so perhaps that could be considered the spiritual application of this blog entry.

Men and women are intrinsically different with our respective approaches to life, and therein lies that ages old, humor-filled, eternally fascinating, dichotomy.

Lawn chair circles

How many people are old enough to remember the yearly spring ritual of refurbishing lawn chairs? I'm not quite sure what the correct term would be. I'm speaking of the process of buying new rolls of plastic strips of materials and replacing the seats and backs of all the lawn chairs for the new year. This required patience and skill, because if you didn't get the strips woven and secured tightly enough, the seats of the chairs would sag and tear.

In a brief side note, I am from a very large family. My Mom is one of nine siblings, and our family is unusually close. We were fortunate enough to live next door to my maternal grandparents when I was a child, and this meant that our house was the hub of all visiting activities throughout any given year. Holidays, summer weekends, etc., there always seemed to be someone visiting. This meant that a large number of lawn chairs were necessary to have on hand. They were stored out of the weather for the winter months, but the nature of the materials used to create the seats and backs almost always necessitated a yearly refurbishing session.

A day would be set aside to revamp all the lawn chairs, and scissors, screwdrivers and lots of hands were required. This process usually took a few hours and involved lots of laughter, stories and discussion. The adults would do the measuring and cutting of the plastic webbed strips of material, and the kids would do the weaving, in and out, of the strips. The edges would be folded neatly and a screw would be punched through and secured into the aluminum chair frame, bolting each strip down. Once the newly restored lawn chairs were finished, the inevitable front yard visiting would ensue.

This same type of thing would also occur at my Aunt Carrie's house, which was just down the lane from my grandparent's house. Aunt Carrie's house had a front porch, a porch swing and great big tree in the front yard that was perfect for climbing. Depending on the day, the number of people visiting, and what was going on, we would congregate at Aunt Carrie's front porch where the porch swing, the glider and various cane chairs, benches and rocking chairs existed. If any of the myriad grandkids (approximately 27 of us) grew bored, that big tree would beckon to be climbed, or the front yard would become the staging ground for any number of games. Sometimes, if the occasion was really special, the hand-cranked ice cream maker would be brought out. Rock salt would be poured inside and everyone would take a turn cranking the handle to produce that wonderful ice cream. To my way of thinking, porch swings and rocking chairs just invite people to settle down, sit and visit. Aunt Carrie's porch was always another gathering spot when people visited.

I miss those days. Times have changed so drastically that people don't spend much time joining together on the front lawn or front porch, talking. Television, computers, computer games and all manner of technology seem to have pulled our attention away from socializing face to face. I rarely even see those old fashioned lawn chairs anymore. The new portable fold-out styles seem to be taking over.

I can close my eyes and still see the circle of lawn chairs in my grandparent's front yard. There was a huge Weeping Willow tree that provided a fairytale enclosure beneath its graceful branches. To the right side of the house, my Grandpa grew squash in a small patch. This provided reeds that all my uncles could, with a pocket knife, magically create whistles for all the grandkids to play with. We could also make whistle whips with willow switches - stripping all but the top cluster of leaves off the switch, then swinging the switch in a circle would produce a high pitched whistling sound. There were games to play as the lightning bugs would begin to twinkle in the late evening light. Swing the Statue, Mother, May I?, Red Light-Green Light, Tag, etc. Parents were right there in the lawn chair circle to dole out hugs, kisses and to referee inevitable squabbles and doctor up small hurts. Unless a bone was broken, we were given a kiss and a hug, and sent back to continue to play. A black walnut tree around the side of the yard, along with a small vegetable garden provided ample opportunity to occupy eternally hungry stomachs.

If some of the adults were willing to play with us, that was even better. Uncles would swing us by our hands, or let us walk on their feet, give us piggyback rides, and sometimes play tag or wrestle, or climb Aunt Carrie's big tree. Television was not something we even thought about all that much in those days. The outdoors provided so much to explore, and those front yard lawn chair chats were a daily occurrence. Sometimes they morphed into late night lawn chair chats, where everyone would gather in the front yard to talk and star gaze. The quiet of the country nights, trains echoing softly in the background, crickets and cicadas singing all around, and the sounds of conversation drifting interspersed with many moments of laughter...these are the things I remember so clearly.

For several years, there was a brown rabbit that would creep to the edge of the front yard at my Grandpa's front yard to listen to us talk. We noticed him one late afternoon, just sitting there, listening. The next several days, there he would be, in his same spot. At some point, my Grandpa began leaving scraps of food for the rabbit and he became a daily fixture, sitting quietly at the edge of the yard, listening to the conversations and laughter long after he had nibbled his way through his late afternoon snack. I always found that fascinating, that a wild animal would be drawn to listen to a group of people talking and laughing.

These are memories from my childhood that I treasure. I don't know what brought the yearly ritual of refurbishing the lawn chairs to mind, but it sparked this post. I guess that our childhood always seems to be full of simpler times, memories and experiences, hazed in our minds in that soft, gentle glow of happiness and security. I have always dreamed of having a home in the country like that, perhaps, with luck, to build on our family land. My ideal home would have a front porch, like Aunt Carrie's, with a porch swing, rocking chairs and benches aplenty. Ideally, front porch and/or front yard lawn chair conversations will exist again in the not too distant future.

This is one old fashioned trait that I would like to see a resurgence of, with people actually coming together to socialize, visit and enjoy interacting directly with one another, without a single electronic entertainment device added into the mix. The simple shared pleasure of conversation, fellowship and laughter seems to be a dying art. Conversation, visiting and front yard lawn chair circles brought us together in such a simple manner, yet to my way of thinking, this is one of the reasons our family stayed so tightly bonded. We actually talked to one another, and listened. To this day, we all come together on a yearly basis for one large family reunion that is highly anticipated by all, and there are several smaller reunions that crop up here and there. Perhaps those old fashioned lawn chairs served a greater purpose than any of us realized all those years ago.

Shared Moments

"This needs to be shared," said my friend Marty in the midst of a Facebook email conversation.

For those of you who feel that blogs should not include personal anecdotes or discuss mundane issues, this is your head's up to click to another page. I'm going to share a completely silly, irreverant moment with a good friend - it has a purpose, and I'll talk about that too, but just saying...this is a window into a very silly conversation.

It all started with some random email one of us sent, regarding building up of readership/followers of blogs, as well as building up networks of friends in Facebook. I commented on the fact that I don't like the tendency a lot of bloggers have of suggesting, "If you follow me, I'll follow you (on respective blogs)." I find this to be an exercise in emptiness. My goal is definitely to grow my readership, but not to do it in a blind, sweeping manner by following countless blogs that I'm not interested in reading. I want the same to happen with fellow bloggers who choose to follow my own blog - I want people to actually read what I write, you know? So, my comment back to Marty apparently hit him in a similar manner, to the point that he wrote back and put my comment in quotes. The next is a series of replies in our email thread:

Marty: "OK. I like your view of things... I think that 'Gratuitous attention is completely empty and unnecessary.'"

Dawn: "Had to laugh at seeing my own comment on gratuitous attention in quotes. Do you think I'll become a famous author one day that people will quote on the next social media version of Facebook?"

Marty: "And yes, Dawn, you will be the bomb... I will be 85 years old, trying to adapt to the new "Facebook of 2050" and I will be writing on my status.. 'I knew Dawn' and I will automatically get 400 friend requests. :) My blog by then will get close to 20000 views a day, because, 'I knew Dawn.'"

Dawn: "I will, in turn, be up in Heaven on my cloud, the one that's a bit messy, with stray feathers, some interesting scrolls from the library stacked on a poofy section, Dove wrappers tucked discretely beneath my robe for future contemplation and, of course, some nifty device that allows me to access said future computer waves so I can watch over your progress. The other angels will stop by to see 'what that intelligent, funny, witty Marty is doing these days. He's so accomplished, but more importantly, he loves with his whole heart. Smart move on your end, while on Earth, that you became friends.' I will nod, smile and send you love & support from my messy, but comfy and lived in cloud."

Marty: "OMG. I totally can't quit laughing... This needs to be shared... If only I could add Brenda onto this chain... :)"

Dawn: "How do you feel about me using this as the focus of a blog?"

Marty: "I absolutely DO NOT CARE if you use any of this stuff. :) I'm just trying to imagine myself when I'm 85 using the new Facebook. I'll be like coding and manipulating the site in everyway possible, installing widgets, and little virtual Dove chocolates that will plop onto your screen in all their Dark Chocolate goodness and the wrapper will say, 'Sent with Love from Heaven Above by Dawn.'"

I went on to add a whole slew of possibilities for Marty's future, which is too long and involved to add here. I know in my heart that his future is blindingly bright, so my description of possible scenarios went on with quite a bit of detail! This was the last comment Marty emailed and the one that struck me the most and made me smile the most:

Marty: "You could just throw this conversation into a blog. I've never laughed harder. This has been one of my favorite days so far in our friendship, Dawn ."

If you've read this far in this blog, I hope you've laughed at the absurd humor Marty and I were tossing back and forth. Why have I chosen to make this a blog post? Because I think that moments of shared, absurd humor are the stuff of Golden Memories. I will remember that conversation with Marty for the rest of my life. It was silly, yes, but it also was full of an incredible amount of support, encouragement and belief in each other as friends. That was what touched me the most.

Beyond that, I have to give a nod to the Internet and to Facebook for the ability to foster some of the most unlikely friendships. Marty lives in the mid-west. I live in the south. There's an age gap between us, with me being older, that normally would be too large an obstacle for a friendship to be born. Against all odds, though, Marty stumbled across my blog several weeks ago and was the first person to post an encouraging comment, and also one of the first people to follow my blog. I pulled up his blog, liked what I read and began to follow him in return. From there, we've been building a solid friendship that spans a wide range of topics, emotions, learning experiences and, best of all, sheer, lighthearted fun as depicted above. I think that many times, we cheat ourselves out of a wonderful experience by not pursuing those unlikely friendships. This is one time that I embraced the opportunity and my life has been made richer as a result.

Take time to embrace that inner child, my friends. Also, take a chance on an unlikely friendship in the future. Think outside the box with this one! You're presented with those opportunities fairly often, if you just take time to pay attention. If you already have a Marty in your life, be thankful and appreciative!!! The Marty in my life gives me lots of little moments of laughter, as well as all the other important aspects of friendship. The email conversation above reminded me to keep believing in myself, my writing, my dreams, all in the context of absurd humor. Here is to the Marty's in the world - may you all have one of your own!

"Get to know Me again"

The above statement was taken from an email from a friend I'm getting to know all over again. I've commented a couple of times recently about the dynamic that Facebook has for reuniting people. I have only been active with my own Facebook page since the middle of this summer of 2009 and have been astonished at all the reunions that have been occurring in my life. I'm reconnecting with friends from childhood, grade school through high school, and from multiple past companies I've worked for over the years. The process is particularly fascinating when the connections are with childhood friends.

With some of these people, I go as far back as kindgergarten years. That's a long time, my friends! Here's another interesting thing - some of the people from school years I'm reconnecting with via Facebook are people that I wasn't that close to way back then, but now am growing strong new friendships with. Others were good, solid connections that just got cut off when high school years ended and people went their separate ways. Revisiting, re-establishing and re-learning these relationships is a joyful thing for me.

We're all familiar with the fact that high school tends to be fraught with tensions, uncertainties, competition, insecurities and lack of communication. I don't know that we're ever really perceived in what we could consider a true light during those years, as everyone is busy with gossiping, judging and trying to keep their own heads above the social whirlpool that high school creates. Most of us get branded with a specific title, or label, very early in grade school and that, right or wrong, tends to be the perception that sticks throughout the whole school experience.

The friend that made the statement above was someone I knew throughout high school, was friendly with, socialized with, but all on a fairly surface level. Now, over 25 years later, we're talking on an adult level without the distractions of teenage angst. This is allowing us both to get to know the true people we each are and so far, it's been a lot of fun.

This getting to know one another all these years later provides a strong mirror for each person. As adults, we're able to be much stronger in our identities, secure with ourselves and as a result, secure in learning who that other person has become. It is fascinating to reconnect with childhood acquaintances and learn who they have become as adults. The things that you learn about yourself as a result of these reconnections are equally fascinating. Cue the statement above, in its entirety:

"You cheer me up, Dawn, open my eyes and allow me to almost get to know Me again."

First of all, what a lovely compliment to receive. I can't think of a greater gift to give someone than to let them know they're making a difference in someone else's life, and that comment gave me that gift. I've said it countless times before - we rarely realize that we DO make an impact on others, unless they let us know. The second, and most important fact about all of this, is the simple pleasure that these old-yet-new-again friendships give us. Regardless of the depth of interactions that may have occurred during childhood growth years, we have history with those people that forges a very strong bond. If we're very lucky, and we choose to seize opportunity when it is presented to us, we are given the chance to develop that bond into a new friendship.

I'm experiencing this with several people from those childhood years. I'm also experiencing it with several people from those various past work incarnations. They all bring new layers, complexities and color to our lives, conjuring up memories of shared laughter, absurd moments and emotions revisited, while at the same time bringing the newest, current version of ourselves together with these people.

If we're alive, we're growing. That's a basic truth. Life throws endless curves, twists and surprises at us along the road. We reconnect with people at various moments, and as a result, we reconnect with ourselves, remember who we were, recognize who we are now and see the potential and the surprising strengths that we have in the mirror of these other people's eyes. That's a beautiful experience to recognize.

Too long shoe laces

Earlier in the week I was walking at a local park. We've had an extended period of rainy, overcast days in East Tennessee and I felt the need to get out and get some fresh air, despite the drizzle. The park I chose has a pretty loop that covers a good amount of acreage and has a soccer and baseball field in the center of the walking track. I will digress for a moment and ask this important question - why did shoestring manufacturers decide that shoestrings for tennis shoes must be long enough to lace all the way up your calf to your knee, gladiator style??? My laces are always dragging the ground when I exercise, even if I double bow and double knot them.

This same thing occurred while I was walking in the park, so I made a pitstop. Rather than stopping in the middle of the track and getting in the way of other walkers, or stepping off the track to deal with the ornery shoe laces in the mud, I went over to the swings and sat down. After attending to the shoe laces, I sat there for a minute and did the inevitable....I gave myself a gentle push. I sat there for a good ten minutes, just slowly swaying on the swing, the only inhabitant of the playground area. I had forgotten the simple peacefulness that can be derived from sitting on a swing and just contemplating the scenery around you. Porch swings can provide a similar simple comfort to the soul, and I already have a porch swing blog in the works. Stay tuned for that installment!

After maybe fifteen minutes of quiet swing contemplation, another walker stopped and smiled at me. "You look like you're enjoying that much more than I'm enjoying walking - care if I join you?" This happy woman stepped over and sat in the swing next to mine and we chatted for a few moments. Then we started to swing in earnest. It was wonderful! I am happy to report that should you find yourself in a gloomy mood that nothing seems to make better, scope out a local playground and hop on a swing. I can promise, if you swing for even five minutes, you're going to feel better. We were both laughing within seconds, swinging higher and higher. The exhilaration of swooping back and forth, seeing your feet touching the sky, laughing breathlessly with a newfound friend...I had honestly forgotten the pure and simple fun of swinging.

Another surprising fact - swinging works your abdominal and lower back muscles! Plus, the motion of swinging and laughing at the same time proved to be a really good cardio workout. In fact, the very next day, I could feel a whole slew of sore muscles....arms, stomach, lower back, quads. No wonder kids are always so skinny. Playing can be hard work! The beauty of this whole experience was that it didn't feel like work, or exercise at all. I think I'm going to become a big proponent of visiting the park to use the swings in addition to walking.

That moment with this new friend had us both musing about other childhood play that can translate to an adult body and we started talking about Hula Hoops. When I got home, I typed in a search for Hula Hoops and sure enough, there are weighted hoops and exercise DVD's out there. Who knew?!? I think that my impromptu visit to the park has helped me stumble upon a great new approach to exercise. I know many people love the process of a hard workout, getting sweaty and feeling exhausted at the end. I'm not in that category. If I'm going to get exercise, I want it to be something I enjoy, rather than endless reps on a machine, or plodding along on a walking track for hours.

It was a happy, joyful interlude on a soft, misty, gray day in Tennessee. We all tend to forget the inner child we carry inside ourselves. Give this a try yourselves - embrace a simple moment of play in the coming days and concentrate on the way it makes you feel. I have too long shoe laces to thank for this rediscovery, and a new friendship to boot!

Friendship loud, friendship silent

By now, if you've read even one post in this blog, you will have grasped the fact that I really love quotes! A close girlfriend posted a wonderful one on Facebook that reads:

"Silences make the real conversations between friends. Not the saying but the never needing to say is what counts. " ~ Margaret Lee Runbeck

I agree wholeheartedly with that comment, while at the same time giving a nod to the loud, passionate exchanges of conversation filled with laughter, intense discussion, moments of absurdity, all interspersed with those little jewels of quiet mentioned above. I spent an evening of the loud, laughter filled, intense discussion, moments of absurdity type tonight with girlfriends that was nurturing to my soul. One of these girls is someone I have recently reconnected with after more than ten years of losing touch, and the other is a very new acquaintance. The company of these two people, who are a curious juxtaposition of personalities, hit just the right note for me on many levels. It also made me remember the beauty of sitting and talking with no television, radio or computer in sight to distract us. Okay, we all had our cell phones turned on and there was covert Twittering occurring, but we still managed to not get too sucked into technology for the whole evening.

We enjoyed what I would call an old fashioned "kitchen conversation," sitting around the kitchen table, eating pizza and just....talking and sharing. About various and sundry topics, with this very new acquaintance delighting me with these very probing, sincere and deeply curious questions she would throw out that would take the current conversation and turn it on its ear. We had more tangents and changes in direction than I could count, but the result was interesting, entertaining and relaxed. It took me back to the days of my childhood when the end of summer days were welcomed in the front yard on lawn chairs gathered into an informal circle and people would really talk. And really listen. And really connect.

Very recently, perhaps in the past eighteen months, I have noticed a pattern occurring of old relationships being renewed, as well as old customs being revived. We seem to be turning slightly away from the typically highspeed, fast-paced, frenetic lifestyle and seeking out things and experiences from our past. Can these old customs fit neatly and comfortably into a new world so consumed with electronic communication? Clearly they can - I experienced it tonight and expect it to continue to occur. It is all a matter of making that conscious choice to interact on a much more personal level with people and relearn, perhaps, the art of that magical connection that allows both the lovely loud friendship moments and the profoundly silent friendship moments to occur. They are equally powerful, and, I believe, necessary to the balance of our souls.