Morning Meditation - Offer These Emotions Freely

 Morning Meditation™️. We don’t have to fully understand what someone is experiencing to offer them kindness, compassion, & acceptance. ✨

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Morning Meditation - Space of Understanding

 Morning meditation™️. We don’t have to understand what someone is going through in order to offer them an unconditional space of understanding. ✨

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...of all that is...

photo:  www.wenelo.com

In this month of April 2016, I see 2015 as a curious year.  As I look back on it now, I feel a sense of distance that goes beyond the linear mark.  I don't know if that is true detachment, or if it is a shell of self-preservation.  Only time will tell with that.

I lost a large number of people extremely close to me in 2015. Death was not particular about those chosen, taking both family and dear, life long friends in high numbers.  Looking back on that aspect of 2015, I am stunned at the list of those who transitioned, and I am equally stunned that I weathered that many losses and managed to keep hold of equanimity, acceptance and sanity. 

Of course, loss of sanity always surrounds us in the immediacy of loss through physical death, and I am not ashamed to admit that I had many dark nights of the soul because of those losses.

On the other end of the spectrum, I had triumphs.  I experienced love.  I shared my heart with sincerity and honesty, offering my deepest, truest self.  For some moments, that part of me was met and embraced, and I can look back on those moments with clear eyes that see shining beauty.

I stumbled many times, with repercussions of a most recent set of stumbles still playing out.  I am unsure of the direction those unexpected, haphazard, shocking, sometimes ripping and hurtful experiences will take me.

The only thing that I know at this moment is that I am learning and growing as a result.  I am continuing to take the next breath. That is all any of us can do when we absorb the stunning impact of disappointment and betrayal - we take that next step, breathe that next breath, and repeat the process in a numbed state until we are able to tentatively begin settling back inside ourselves.  Back inside from where we flew off and established that state of protection and detachment.

Perhaps that is actually what is happening.  I am settling back inside myself, reacquainting, realigning, reassembling, building and stitching together the old with what I brought back from the outside, from the distance and the quiet.

I often think that what we view as coming undone is the real making of us, because it forces us to release all those pieces of detritus that had been slowing us down, had been holding us back, had been slowly dulling our brilliance.

What prompted this article when it has been such a long time since I have written here?  I was busy the other day, in the midst of networking and focusing on career issues, and a random thought crossed my mind.  A question jumped from those thoughts, and I picked up my cell phone to call a dear friend.  Because I was doing so many things at once, juggling so many proverbial balls, I got all the way through scrolling through my contacts and clicking through to dial that phone number before reality slapped me sideways.  I remembered in a crashing rush that that friend is gone.  He died in September of 2015.

The inevitable avalanche of emotions flowed.  I went through a miniature version of the grief process, shed some tears, rode the wave of colorful memories that had me laughing along with the tears, because this friend always, always made me laugh.  And I pondered this life I'm living.  I pondered the curious process we live here on this Earth School.

I came up with no bright, unique answers.  No startling discoveries have hit my personal horizon. I find that the older I get, the more liquid becomes the process of accepting death, and of accepting change.  When I was wee, life was very finite and defined.  Black and white.  With age comes new perspective and perception, and all those infinite shades of gray.

I have no idea what the year of 2016 will bring for me, even as I sit here well into the fourth month of this year.  What I do know is that 2015 underscored in a dramatic fashion what we all know, and that is that nothing is promised to each of us.  Tomorrow is not promised.  The next moment is not promised, nor is the next breath.

In the span of all that is, each life lived on this planet is akin to the blink of an eye.  

We are such a brief expression of love and energy in physical form, it is another curious moment for me to ponder why we waste so much time.  We get bogged down in so many fears and doubts.  I have allowed myself to become entangled in my own fears and doubts, and I have participated and engaged in fears and doubts of those closest to me.  From that engagement, I have stumbled.  As I am regaining my balance from those stumbles, the clarity gained is of a quiet tone.  In that quiet, I am studying and processing, and making decisions.

I am aware of what I will no longer entertain.  I am aware of what I will no longer indulge.  I am cognizant in a manner that I have not experienced in a great while.  I am aware of promises that I made to myself ages ago, promises which have patiently waited for me to pick them up and breathe life into them....breathe life into ME.

This all sounds so ponderous and dramatic, yes?  In some ways, perhaps it is, but another curious note is that these shifts and realizations haven't hit with thundering impact.  They have slipped in gently, with very little fanfare.  Layers of myself have surrendered to being pared away, lifted up to the winds that swirl around only me, separating me from the old, and brushing, whispering change across my face....across my soul.  I have turned, eyes closed, a slowly spinning dance of release.

In that span of all that is, that which we label Infinity, here I am....expressing all that I am.  Doing my humble, human best to radiate Love outward.  Brushing fingertips with those of you who visit here, our eyes locking for a glance, our hearts marching to an identical rhythm for an instant.  And as the quote above offers....

....and in that moment, I swear....

WE WERE INFINITE....

For now, this knowing, this acceptance of NOT knowing....it is enough. 

With wisdom gained

photo: http://wallpaperscraft.com/download/hands_pair_touch_54238/2560x1600

“You carry away with you a reflection of me, a part of me. I dreamed you; I wished for your existence. You will always be a part of my life. If I love you, it must be because we shared, at some moment, the same imaginings, the same madness, the same stage.” - Anaïs Nin

Each time I read this quote, it prompts me to pause and recall moments in time....people who have touched my life and left an indelible mark.  Some positive experiences, some negative ones, with all teaching me about myself, about the world, about life.

It is a curious thing, that which we call Love.  We exist for a lifetime that is specific to our own little bubble of experience, and we are unaware, at least consciously, of that Other for countless years. We live our lives in a state of blissful ignorance, not truly daring to believe that such moments are within the realm of possibility.  But it is possible, and it does happen eventually.  Over the course of an individual lifetime, it happens many times, if we are fortunate enough to see and receive clearly.

Our heart knows them, as does our Soul, because the pure energy of each of us, I believe, dwells in a state of Divine Love.  How could we not recognize that Other, then, when they do step into our Life Path?  It is that moment of the Soul and heart finally exhaling, a long, soundless, "Ahh....there you are.  I've been waiting for you."

And all is brighter, sharper, happier and ohhh, so much more beautiful and vibrant in the world....for a time.

I think, and hope that those who are reading these words are smiling and nodding because each of you have experienced such moments.  Moments of instant friendship.  Moments of familial love that take up residence inside your heart within the twinkling of an eye.  Moments of intellects meshing.  Moments of laughter shared that shake the heart breathless with delight.  Moments of greeting a kindred spirit who speaks your same heart language.  Eyes meeting, energies aligning and smiles blossoming.  It is Love in its purest form when these moments occur, and each is to be cherished.

In this instance, I reflect on what is beautiful, and because it is so, it can be deemed a sad parting to contemplate.  Unbidden, not sought after, and certainly unwanted, yet a sad farewell that sometimes may become necessary.

Is it permanent?  Living my life to this point, I can say with confidence that I have learned there isn't much in this world that is truly permanent.  People who part from us, or from whom we part...sometimes a return does occur. Reunion can manifest through happenstance or by conscious design; sometimes we are blessed with return.

The living that both do in between goodbye and hello cause irrevocable changes in each one, yes.  And with that growth inside both people, the dynamic does change.  Given that we are changed on an intrinsic and cellular level from one blink of an eye to the next visual focusing, from one inhale to the next exhale, from one heartbeat to the next, it is perhaps unique to we humans that we find something to grieve in this type of change.  This type of parting, where the heart feels such wrenching loss that it is challenging to conceive living without the reassuring presence of that other even for a short march of moments, yes, we feel a tangible ending.  And there is a grieving that occurs.

There is also the thought that it is NOT an ending, nor a parting; not in truth.  Perhaps it is a necessary veil of sorts that must lower between the two; filmy and semi-transparent, allowing fleeting, blurred glimpses with the shifting of the air, reminding each with sure and delicate touches. Whispering a familiar note, "Do not forget this one in your deepest heart." That much, the heart and mind can allow and survive, and continue to function.  Softened by an insubstantial yet firm boundary, mayhap the experience can be borne.  Because each of us carry a fragment of one another that is indelibly etched into our respective hearts.

"You carry away with you a reflection of me..."

If Life is kind, and if hearts are open, a return is possible.  A revisiting, with wisdom gained from time apart.  Does that bravery exist now, today?  No.  Now, today, in the immediacy of impending farewell, all that can be hoped for is the potential for the barrage of pain to lessen over time.  This is a given truth, after all, that time does, indeed, heal all wounds. 

Another truth is that Love does not stop, nor does it end, simply because for whatever reasons two become parted, one from the other.

So, in this moment, this now that feels heavy and echoing with the absence of a connection which once filled each day with so much light, the only request is that which was spoken above.  Should we part, for the nonce, carry away with you a reflection of me.  Hold it deep within you, and harbor it gently and safely.  I will do the same.

If...and if....

photo:  www.paleospirit.com

If I reveal the fractures
                       deep and ragged
will I still breathe?

                                    If I remember
              sweet spring fragrance
will the memories remain?

If I touch
                           the deep well of loss
             will I drift endlessly?

         Ticking echoes
of an empty clock

                If I linger
tasting acid tears
                              will I heal?

If I laugh
                       finding small pleasures
           will I betray?

                                                 Grains of sand spilled
                               marking where
the time chord snapped

                                   If I recall
                                              hands reaching down
will I be lifted up?

                              If I see
that smile shining
              am I letting go?

        tether broken
                             spirit set free

                     If I hear
wisps of laughter
                       will I lose that precious note?

                     If I gaze
                                            at incredible talent
will it become flat and empty?

If I hold
                     arms open
will there be a return?

         If I rest
                                                     will surcease
                        prove ever elusive?

If...and if...
                     and if....

a torment
                                   and a comfort

                 Twining and swirling
insubstantial

All suspended
                    echoing...                

.....the ifs...

                                  Hammering against
      transparent boundaries

fleeting....
              and quickly gone

reflecting what?

                                  If...and if...
and if....

               ...and if...again....
_______________________________________

The poem above is the first thing I've written and published here since December 28, 2012.  That stretch of time is the longest I have gone without writing here at Healing Morning since I created the blog in 2009.  The reason for this silence?  There are many.  Holiday insanity, seasonal commitments to parties and events.  Work encroaching; personal relationships demanding time and attention.  Most importantly, I needed time to absorb and address the loss of a family member who left us through suicide in the summer of 2012.

If you follow my blog, you may have read some of the articles I wrote about that loss when it happened. (Sad Weathering, 7/5/2012, Healing Morning).  For those of you who may have gone through a similar loss, then perhaps you know that processing the emotions and finding a way through to acceptance is a lengthy process.  I'm still working on that.  I am not sharing this poem and these thoughts to indicate that I am still dwelling in that immediate state of shock and sharp loss.  I have healed a great deal.  The thoughts shared today encompass all those doubts and questions that we inevitably confront when we lose a loved one to suicide.  In my healing process, I have allowed the thoughts to come to consciousness so that I could absorb, understand and release them.  During meditation, during prayer, during random moments, they will resurface and demand further contemplation.  And healing continues.

By any other name

Photo courtesy of
Bing images

The New Year always brings reflection and contrast to mind.  There's the typical frenzied rush to start up gym memberships, to start new diets, and to make those exhausting resolutions.  I have talked enough about the fact that I choose to not make New Year's resolutions.  What I have been giving a lot of thought to these past several days, is outward trappings.  I've also written a great deal about this very thing in past blog posts, talking about social masks that we incorporate into our daily existence.

We always compare.  There's this thing we do, and it's called "comparing our insides to other peoples' outsides".  Meaning that we compare and find fault with ourselves.  We're comparing what we feel inside to the nice, shiny, spiffed up social mask that someone else is wearing, failing to remember that those people are doing the same thing...that they're feeling insecurities on the inside as well.

Shakespeare said it quite well, I think:

"A rose by any other name would smell as sweet."

We can pretty ourselves up, buy beautiful clothing, use fancy cosmetics, hair styles, hair color....even choose plastic surgery, to change our outward appearance.  We can change our name, change our location, reinvent ourselves and try new career paths.  It is human nature to want to feel and look our best.  We're given this one physical body, this one physical vehicle, after all, so of course we want to feel good in it. 

Wouldn't it be dramatic, if, one day we all woke up and found the face and body that greets us in the mirror to be truly beautiful?  I think of how my family and friends view me.  We all know that through the eyes of love, beauty is always what is beheld.  The true test, then, is to shower ourselves with that same love.  That's the tricky part, yes?

Loving self.  What a concept.  And what a difficult objective.  I focus on this as a daily goal, loving myself and accepting myself.  I also admit to not quite meeting the mark on a regular basis.  There is an absolutely breathtaking Scripture that has always brought tears to my eyes on this concept:

Consider the lilies how they grow: they toil not, they spin not; and yet I say unto you, that Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.  - Luke 12:27

This passage in the Christian Bible is one that I have always found to have such strong, straightforward good sense to it.  We spend so much time worrying about those outward trappings, when in reality, we are imperfect and flawed in the most beautiful manner.  I have said many times that I find perfection to be rather static and sterile, and that I much prefer that which is unique and flawed.  That would describe every Soul walking the earth today...we are all unique and flawed.  I think it is those imperfections and quirks that give each of us our own particular brightness. 

Do I mean by this post that we should all stop attempting to better ourselves, or stop wishing for more?  Absolutely not! Dreams and striving for better is another thing that makes us beautiful.  Mankind is meant to evolve.  To grow, to smooth off rough edges, to expand, to pursue new experiences.  There is, however, valor in standing still and contemplating, for short or long periods of time, just being.  Simply that.  Like the lilies of the field....just being who we are.  Without ornamentation, without artifice, without social masks or anything to detract from the purity of who we really are.

Is this possible to actually do?  I think it is.  I see myself this way in the eyes of those who love me.  I have also been given the gift of seeing myself through the eyes of a stranger (One Wish, Healing Morning, 12/15/2009).  I see myself each morning as I meditate and make a conscious effort to be still, be in a quiet moment with myself and God/Universe/Spirit.  I see myself clearly in moments of anger where I react in a manner that I am not proud of, and these moments definitely help me polish up those rough edges quickly!  I see myself in my work....when I write something that I am happy with and proud of, it gives me a moment of such pure clarity that my Soul simply resonates and sings.  I see myself in my hopes and dreams for a better future, both for myself and the people I love, as well as for the world at large. 

It is a complex mix, this thing we call the true Self.  Countless books have been written on the psychology of it all.  We can make it difficult or simple, and on any given day, just existing can be both of those.  Yet the commonality is that we are, in essence, energy.  Light, housed in a physical form.  Always working to find a moment of peace, of happiness, sometimes working so hard at this that we lose sight that it shouldn't be difficult at all!

Photo courtesy of
Bing images

Look at that rose.  Or that lily.  Take the names and labels and pedigrees away, and they are simply flowers in a field, growing and beautiful by their very nature.  Is it so hard to grasp this concept and apply it to ourselves?  It seems it should be very easy to achieve.  The reality is that life is busy and we rarely slow down long enough to even contemplate such a thought.  I, of course, contemplate these types of thoughts often, because it's just the way my mind works.  It's the way I see the world...through a filter where, to me, beauty is a constant. 

The thought that we are everything that we need to be, at this moment, both inside and out, is an arresting one.  That which we call the Creator knows this, knew this before we were even born into this physical existence.  The disconnect comes from our own minds and thoughts.  Pondering this concept for this article has reminded me that it really is very simple.  Stop.  Breathe.  Be still and look within.  Quiet your mind, cease everything for a short time, and absorb the fact that at this moment, you truly are imperfectly perfect.  You are not lacking.  You are not less than anything or anyone. You are all that you should be, right at this moment.  In the eyes of others, and on a cosmic level, you are a blinding light of pure energy that is stunning to behold.  You are that rose...by any other name.  You are that lily, clad in raiment that is unique to you, and as such, you are balanced and in harmony.  It is a strong, clear thought to embrace today and everyday in the future.