Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Newly vacated space

Photo courtesy of
Bing images
From the moment that our human minds mature enough to understand cause and effect, we are in an endless search for peace, satisfaction and happiness.  Life definitely throws us curveballs regularly, keeping us challenged in new ways.  I don't think that we ever truly maintain the same definition of "normal" throughout the years.  In fact, I've often thought that achieving an endless state of satisfaction might be a death knell to myriad facets of life.  I know that I thrive when I am consciously aware that I am growing, changing and being pushed to broaden my horizons. In fact, I tend to pursue such a state.  I call it "Low Boredom Threshold", as I am always happiest when I have something new to conquer in my personal or business life.

A recent question was posed about how our immediate environment affects our emotional state.  What works best to create a sense of calm?  Obviously, this is going to vary widely from person to person, and from day to day.  I have found, on a purely personal level, that where I am emotionally is what strikes the tone for experiencing solid happiness and contentment.  That sounds like an oxymoron, doesn't it?!  You're thinking, of course your emotions dictate your level of happiness.  Yes, they do, but what I'm talking about is delving deeper. 

For a good part of my life, I based a lot of my personal happiness on outward labels.  The most important label was what I did for work - what I did to pay the bills, where I occupied 80% of my time in the business week.  Given that I also spent a good number of years searching and trying on various careers to find the right fit (Low Boredom Threshold, remember?), I kept thinking that it was me....something I was doing was the problem.  In a way, that was the truth, because I was identifying my dissatisfaction with each job I held.  That dissatisfaction boiled down to the fact that I wasn't recognizing who and what I really was. 

I wasn't any of those jobs.  I just hadn't come to that state of conscious realization yet.  I did identify myself as what I was doing at any given time - be it office management, retail management, real estate, medical research, holistic health provider, and a whole slew of other industries.  Underlying the success that I experienced in each endeavor, there was always this nagging sense of dissatisfaction.  Some of it came from various corporate rules, and I'm the first to admit that I'm not a fan of a lot of those rules.  The majority of it came from the fact that I was putting so much weight and demand into the label I carried.  Those various job titles never felt "right" to me.

Fast forward to the last four to five years and the whole global economy changing so drastically.  Like everyone else in the world, my cozy little existence got turned upside down and I was forced to revamp and reinvent myself, more than once....more than twice, to be honest.  In a curious manner, the ups and downs that I experienced forced me to be much more present and practical about what worked best for me in all areas of life.  When things get pared down to bare essentials and you're starting from zero more than once, you quickly develop the ability to identify key elements that make the most sense. 

For me, this translated into creating a freelancing business and being my own boss, per se.  It's not always the easiest existence, as you're dependent upon the vagaries of the job market and economy in a slightly different manner, but it is a satisfying one.  I am able to choose the clients and industries where I want to work, and I am able to focus my career in directions that I choose.  I no longer depend on any sort of corporate entity to be the sole source of income, and I don't know that I ever want to go back to that way of life.  I am much happier knowing that I have multiple streams of income, and multiple opportunities in a much wider pool of clients and industries.  When bad things happen - as Life has a way of handing us those challenges in that out of the blue delivery mode - knowing that I have alternative options immediately available gives me a stronger peace of mind.

While this is my own specific experience, the deeper message that I am conveying is that it took me almost half my life to learn to stop identifying and qualifying who I am with any job that I do.  I now identify myself as a writer, plain and simple. And an entrepreneur.  Whatever I do in an ancillary manner to pay the bills is simply that....a means to an end.  I no longer invest my whole identity into someone else's vision, unless it is in a support application with my freelancing business.  I now invest my heart and soul into what gives me joy, and that is being a creative person.  The emotional freedom and sense of wellness that comes along with this new approach cannot be underestimated.  The fascinating thing is that by freeing up myself in this manner, I have noticed that prosperity seems to flow more efficiently.  Connections flourish more easily and timing seems to click more readily.

Does this mean that I no longer have difficult moments?  Absolutely not.  In fact, a bad moment hit me today that I wasn't quite prepared for.  I had had an intuition that things with this specific situation might not be all they appeared on the surface, but I wasn't prepared for the hitting the brick wall at maximum velocity delivery manner that occurred.  Ten or fifteen years ago, this type of bad news would have been devastating to me, as I would have internalized and beaten myself up as the sole source and reason for things going wrong.  I no longer do that these days.  Instead, as many dear friends pointed out upon hearing this news, this type of abrupt closure is always a clear indication of better things being prepared to come into that newly vacated space. 

What I am appreciative of at this point in my life is how I react to seemingly bad news.  I look much deeper than I used to.  I delve into the message and lessons being conveyed and I take the obvious opportunity for growth very seriously.  I recognize where I have impacted any given situation in a positive or negative manner, and I learn from it.  But the most important realization, for me, is that I am at a point in my life where I do not predicate my self worth on outside sources.  My emotional health definitely comes from within, and from there springs my complete happiness.  Even in the midst of admittedly bad news, such as that which I received today, I can honestly say I'm not broken hearted, dismayed or even too terribly upset.  I'm at an emotional and mental stage where I see balance and logic in every occurrence.  I won't lie and say I'm not frustrated with this temporary snag, because we never like to weather bad news, but all in all, I see Divine Order in everything around me.  This newly vacated space is waiting for new and different energy to set up housekeeping and provide new experiences.

So, from the perspective of how our environment affects our emotional well being, I guess the stronger message would be to first look inward and see how reactive each of us may be to a given situation.  I'm choosing to view my own recent experience of this newly vacated space as an opportunity.

25 comments:

  1. As we get older we realize that health and someone to share our lives with is all that really matters in the end. The rest is all part of the journey. Great Post

    http://jpweddingphotograpy.blogspot.com/2011/03/engagement-daysengagement-nights-where.html

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  2. I love your thoughts, Jim! Yep, age, if we're blessed to grow older, teaches many strong truths. This is one that I value greatly, because it help me shed so much needless angst. Drama is great when it's on TV or in a book, but I prefer to leave it there whenever possible! :) Thanks for visiting and making me smile. :)

    ~ Dawn

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  3. It is stupid hard sometimes when things you want beyond measure are taken from our path. The WHY question plagues us, and when we can see the reason it brings a bit of peace, even if we resent we didn't get it exactly our way LOL. I know your heart dearest, and I also know your future is bright. Love you much!

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  4. While I could do with a bit less of these abrupt brick wall moments, I am glad that I've finally found a way to process the experience and not let it rule me negatively. Here's to that imminently bright future for all of us! Much love to you in return, Lise. And a big, whopping Alien, of course! :) <3

    ~ Dawnie

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  5. Love your post Dawn! And I know I said it earlier but I do love your attitude about all of this. Definitely something I can learn from you because I know, at this point in my life, I would take the news the way you probably would have years ago. I'm trying to work on it though. My problem is letting the bad news get to me to the point where I get stuck & have a hard time looking past it & moving forward.

    "I guess the stronger message would be to first look inward and see how reactive each of us may be to a given situation. I'm choosing to view my own recent experience of this newly vacated space as an opportunity." -Love it! :) <3

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  6. Beautiful post... makes one think Dawn.. sharing this with a few people who I think should read this : ) Thank you!

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  7. Great post, really truthful sentiments and reading this I found myself in the respect that I have been just as guilty as doing the things you have done. It's so easy to beat yourself up over things, especially when you have no control over them. People can have that control especially at work and you are right you need to take a look outside look at the bigger picture and the opportunities that are truly there.

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  8. Anahid, I'm glad this held value for you. I think that's why creative people create - if something we've learned and experienced can be helpful to someone else, then we're all going to write it, paint it, sing it or perform it on a musical instrument! Repetition certainly helps for the lesson to stick, although I wouldn't advocate anyone having to go through that kind of thing over and over. Thank you for visiting here and being such a wonderful friend, as always. :)

    Kriti, you couldn't give me a nicer compliment than saying you enjoyed this post enough to share it with friends. That gave me a HUGE smile! Thank you for that kind nod of recognition.

    SJ, yep, it IS so easy to beat ourselves down with regard to situations where often, the exact opposite is true. Some would argue that we do have control in every situation, but I disagree...at least in the corporeal sense. We are absolutely in control of how we react to that less than pleasant experience, though. The delightful part is that when we truly grasp that lesson, the freedom experienced is tremendous! Thank you for visiting today. :)

    ~ Dawn

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  9. “I wasn’t any of those jobs…” What an awakening! To transcend culture’s mode of identity is to truly find your own individuality, which is what I hear you saying here. You are who you are, plain and simple. A creative soul... a writer… an entrepreneur. These are the qualities that define original spirits. You don’t identity with the herd, but think outside the box (to mix my metaphors), and you have blazed your own trail. Being your own boss will prove to be the quintessential path to confidence and lasting joy – as you’ve already expressed here.
    Neither do I find my identity in what I do, but rather in who I am. Vocations and careers are shaky at best; but that deep inner core of peace and joy will remain forever.
    Great post.
    ~ Debra

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  10. After reading your revelation, I'm glad that I'm not the only one at your similar state. At least, now I have someone to look up, someone I know, feels the same way I feel.

    I'm still fuguring out how to achieve that sense of welness...

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  11. I'm tired and can't think of a darn wise thing to say, just sending lots of hugs and love your way.

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  12. Debra, what a beautiful comment you left me. Your final statement of "Vocations and careers are shaky at best; but that deep inner core of peace and joy will remain forever." was deeply profound. I'm looking forward to seeing what will fill that newly vacated space! :)

    Isabelle, I'm glad that I decided to write this experience. Whenever I'm stressed, or upset or blindsided by some unexpected event, writing it out always helps. If it helped you feel not so alone in your own circumstances, then I am doubly glad I wrote it! Know you are absolutely amongst friends who care that you find happiness. :)

    Sherry, your comment was wonderful! I laughed out loud when I read it, and honestly, sometimes flowery prose isn't necessary. Sincerity and honesty and true kindness can be conveyed with a very simple statement such as yours and it was much appreciated. :)

    Namaste' to you all.

    Dawn

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  13. Identifying with oneself is important. If I do not know who I am then how am I to move forward or exist here.
    Knowing who and what makes me tick is key to my existence. Finding that missing puzzle helps us find our place within society and what we do.

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  14. I agree w/ everything you said here, Savira. It is important to be to aware, conscious of my place in this world, and responsible with my actions and reactions. Some days that's more challenging than others, but with time and repetition, some lessons become easier to weather. I look at this current experience as a mere blip, and I can say that with sincerity because I do feel a sense of gravity and balance with who I am. It's a hard won skill, and one I value. Much love to you, sweetheart! <3

    Namaste',

    Dawn

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  15. I like the concept of the 'newly vacated space'....for too long I tried to fill the space every heartbreak left with 'stuff' from the outside. I tried too hard to please, too hard to live up to an image of me created by others. Like you, only when I began to look inward and own my strength, did I find that every 'curveball' was an opportunity to hit it out of the park! Hugs, dear wise friend.

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  16. Corinne, what a wonderful analogy about the curveball!! I LOVE that and will remember it. Hugs right back to dear one, as you impart equal wisdom. :)

    Namaste',

    Dawn

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  17. What wisdom you have shared out of your "unexpected" news! Something that can be applied to so many areas of our life, my life, that I can use at this very moment and those moments to come. I find the most comfort in the words you wrote concerning divine order in everything. I do embrace this belief also. On a smaller scale, I found that I had identified myself as a mother, even though my oldest son is 38 and my youngest is 26. It is definitely time to realize that was a huge role I played all of these years, and I never want to lose that part of me that is a mothering spirit, but I am so much more. Now it's time to find a new vision for myself. Love this sweet Dawnie. I am so proud of you. love, janie

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  18. "Now it's time to find a new vision for myself." <--What a wonderful realization to come to, Janie! You will always be a Mom, of course, but yes, you are definitely so much more than that label. Self-discovery and growth is neverending, and I think it's particularly interesting when we're more self-aware with the process. I'm so glad this post was relevant for you!

    Much love to you,

    Dawnie

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  19. Wonderful post! This outward search for happiness is so deeply entrenched for many of us - and perpetuated by all that we learn growing up - that it really takes an undoing, or an unlearning, to come back to self and spirit in a truly authentic way. Doing this takes a lot of courage and requires risking all that we know of ourselves. But the truth is, we won't really know ourselves until we can take that risk. I'm very happy for you that you are in that place.

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  20. Kapua, I agree with you about the unlearning process. We are definitely socialized to look outward for happiness from a very early age, rather than the true, more healthy approach of building that foundation inside. I'm happy that I'm in that solid space these days as well! Much love to you, chica! <3

    ~ Dawnie

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  21. Fantastic post Dawn. This takes me back (22 years in fact) when I went from the Corporate or shall I say the Industrial world to being my own boss. Yes it was daunting and yes there have been (and probably continue to be) challenges, but these make me stronger and more adaptable to change. What really matters is that I’ve found the vocation that makes me happy both inside and out. Good luck Dawn and I wish you every success and happiness for the future.

    Derek

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  22. Derek, thank you for sharing your own experiences. I've gone in and out of the corporate world over the years, and each time I drift back into it, I am reminded of all the reasons I was less than fulfilled in that environment. Finding that vocation that gives that fulfillment is so important! Ups and downs do occur, but ultimately, being my own boss is where I am happiest. I'm happy to hear that you're successfully navigating your own similar path - it's always encouraging to hear that others are making their own unique mark in the world. Thank you for visiting and leaving such a wonderful comment! :)

    ~ Dawn

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  23. Dawn, you truly are an inspiration to a lot of people. You've got that great attitude that a lot of us can only aspire to at the moment.

    Some of us also aspire to have 22 comments on a blog post, but sometimes finding that inner fulfillment you talk about can be even harder than that!

    Thanks for being that shining light.

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  24. Interesting. I think as we get older we get a better handle on life and learn to cope better with what it throws at us. Not always easy but I always learn something from anything bad.

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  25. Dave, laughing at the number of comments comment! Half of these here are my responses, so it's actually only 11-12 comments if you want to be fair. I do try to have a positive attitude when bad experiences hit, and it does seem to get easier with time and age. That doesn't mean it's an enjoyable thing to live through, of course, but it does help to know that my thoughts on the subject are helpful to people reading this post. Thank you, as always, for stopping by to read and comment. :)

    Debz, you nailed it with your comment - yes, age and experience do have a strong element in how we react to a given situation. We learn over time that negatives don't kill us, and there is definitely opportunity for growth and refining of rough edges. Thank you for visiting & leaving such a thoughtful comment! :)

    ~ Dawn

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