Newly vacated space

Photo courtesy of
Bing images

From the moment that our human minds mature enough to understand cause and effect, we are in an endless search for peace, satisfaction and happiness.  Life definitely throws us curveballs regularly, keeping us challenged in new ways.  I don't think that we ever truly maintain the same definition of "normal" throughout the years.  In fact, I've often thought that achieving an endless state of satisfaction might be a death knell to myriad facets of life.  I know that I thrive when I am consciously aware that I am growing, changing and being pushed to broaden my horizons. In fact, I tend to pursue such a state.  I call it "Low Boredom Threshold", as I am always happiest when I have something new to conquer in my personal or business life.

A recent question was posed about how our immediate environment affects our emotional state.  What works best to create a sense of calm?  Obviously, this is going to vary widely from person to person, and from day to day.  I have found, on a purely personal level, that where I am emotionally is what strikes the tone for experiencing solid happiness and contentment.  That sounds like an oxymoron, doesn't it?!  You're thinking, of course your emotions dictate your level of happiness.  Yes, they do, but what I'm talking about is delving deeper. 

For a good part of my life, I based a lot of my personal happiness on outward labels.  The most important label was what I did for work - what I did to pay the bills, where I occupied 80% of my time in the business week.  Given that I also spent a good number of years searching and trying on various careers to find the right fit (Low Boredom Threshold, remember?), I kept thinking that it was me....something I was doing was the problem.  In a way, that was the truth, because I was identifying my dissatisfaction with each job I held.  That dissatisfaction boiled down to the fact that I wasn't recognizing who and what I really was. 

I wasn't any of those jobs.  I just hadn't come to that state of conscious realization yet.  I did identify myself as what I was doing at any given time - be it office management, retail management, real estate, medical research, holistic health provider, and a whole slew of other industries.  Underlying the success that I experienced in each endeavor, there was always this nagging sense of dissatisfaction.  Some of it came from various corporate rules, and I'm the first to admit that I'm not a fan of a lot of those rules.  The majority of it came from the fact that I was putting so much weight and demand into the label I carried.  Those various job titles never felt "right" to me.

Fast forward to the last four to five years and the whole global economy changing so drastically.  Like everyone else in the world, my cozy little existence got turned upside down and I was forced to revamp and reinvent myself, more than once....more than twice, to be honest.  In a curious manner, the ups and downs that I experienced forced me to be much more present and practical about what worked best for me in all areas of life.  When things get pared down to bare essentials and you're starting from zero more than once, you quickly develop the ability to identify key elements that make the most sense. 

For me, this translated into creating a freelancing business and being my own boss, per se.  It's not always the easiest existence, as you're dependent upon the vagaries of the job market and economy in a slightly different manner, but it is a satisfying one.  I am able to choose the clients and industries where I want to work, and I am able to focus my career in directions that I choose.  I no longer depend on any sort of corporate entity to be the sole source of income, and I don't know that I ever want to go back to that way of life.  I am much happier knowing that I have multiple streams of income, and multiple opportunities in a much wider pool of clients and industries.  When bad things happen - as Life has a way of handing us those challenges in that out of the blue delivery mode - knowing that I have alternative options immediately available gives me a stronger peace of mind.

While this is my own specific experience, the deeper message that I am conveying is that it took me almost half my life to learn to stop identifying and qualifying who I am with any job that I do.  I now identify myself as a writer, plain and simple. And an entrepreneur.  Whatever I do in an ancillary manner to pay the bills is simply that....a means to an end.  I no longer invest my whole identity into someone else's vision, unless it is in a support application with my freelancing business.  I now invest my heart and soul into what gives me joy, and that is being a creative person.  The emotional freedom and sense of wellness that comes along with this new approach cannot be underestimated.  The fascinating thing is that by freeing up myself in this manner, I have noticed that prosperity seems to flow more efficiently.  Connections flourish more easily and timing seems to click more readily.

Does this mean that I no longer have difficult moments?  Absolutely not.  In fact, a bad moment hit me today that I wasn't quite prepared for.  I had had an intuition that things with this specific situation might not be all they appeared on the surface, but I wasn't prepared for the hitting the brick wall at maximum velocity delivery manner that occurred.  Ten or fifteen years ago, this type of bad news would have been devastating to me, as I would have internalized and beaten myself up as the sole source and reason for things going wrong.  I no longer do that these days.  Instead, as many dear friends pointed out upon hearing this news, this type of abrupt closure is always a clear indication of better things being prepared to come into that newly vacated space. 

What I am appreciative of at this point in my life is how I react to seemingly bad news.  I look much deeper than I used to.  I delve into the message and lessons being conveyed and I take the obvious opportunity for growth very seriously.  I recognize where I have impacted any given situation in a positive or negative manner, and I learn from it.  But the most important realization, for me, is that I am at a point in my life where I do not predicate my self worth on outside sources.  My emotional health definitely comes from within, and from there springs my complete happiness.  Even in the midst of admittedly bad news, such as that which I received today, I can honestly say I'm not broken hearted, dismayed or even too terribly upset.  I'm at an emotional and mental stage where I see balance and logic in every occurrence.  I won't lie and say I'm not frustrated with this temporary snag, because we never like to weather bad news, but all in all, I see Divine Order in everything around me.  This newly vacated space is waiting for new and different energy to set up housekeeping and provide new experiences.

So, from the perspective of how our environment affects our emotional well being, I guess the stronger message would be to first look inward and see how reactive each of us may be to a given situation.  I'm choosing to view my own recent experience of this newly vacated space as an opportunity.

Stackable energy

http://gaiasocial.org.br/novo/downloads/pi-stacking-energy-i12.jpg

I believe in energy existing in our lives in a manner that is very logical and has meaning, intent, substance and results from the gift we are given of Free Will.  I also believe that all of the above is helped along with a gentle guiding hand on our respective rudders, nudging us this way, prompting our attention to take that tiny, often overlooked back road, or to hold the door for that stranger, to engage in a seemingly random conversation...all in order to encourage our steps in the next best direction.

Why am I saying all of this?  For the past two years, (and I have mentioned this in several recent blog posts, so forgive the slight repetition here) I have been going through a transition - something I've called an incubation process, and other times I've dubbed it "useful limbo".  The limbo part of the process appears to be rapidly reaching its zenith, because I am now seeing the jumble of experiences, the forays of energy, the textures, sounds and colors all beginning to come together in a bit of a rush.  This gives the impression, at first glance, that everything is happening at once and it can feel overwhelming. 

Don't get me wrong, I am beyond appreciative to see the beginning manifestations...a return...ROI in Law of Attraction terms.  All the earnest energy, all the envisioning and dreaming with clear intent are now returning in their inevitable, beautiful boomerang-like arc from their journey out to God/Universe/Spirit.  I often wonder how that energy that has my own unique Dawn fingerprint journeys outward.  What would the journey look like if I could follow it?  Watch it swoop and sojourn, darting deeply into this well of corresponding energy to match up to that particular word of intent....follow perhaps a more leisurely undulation into mysterious swirling depths of a different energy cloud to gather threads for a completely different intention, marrying it all seamlessly. 

I often imagine this process to be of some musical and energetic expression beyond our three dimensions that creates a harmony to match my own in a manner that is inexpressibly beautiful.  In fact, I doubt that the mere word "beautiful" would be sufficient to match what this dance of light actually creates out there in the Great Unknown where God/Universe/Spirit delights in weaving the threads, sparks and notes together for each of us. 

And so it dallies out there, performing an acrobatic feat beyond our human ken, twirling madly in some areas, drifting as lazily and gently as an autumn leaf in others, collecting the energy with an application of time that fits my unique harmony.  As it begins to return to me, my human mind, my human heart and human eyes see it as wondrous, but also slightly chaotic.  I remind myself constantly that it is just an illusion that the returning energy only seems to be all hitting at once, giving the impression of actions and experiences stacking one on top of the other.  The reality is that the pieces of energy which appear to be rushing at me wildly, clamoring for attention and building up in a tall, narrow tower similar to children's building blocks are actually "stacking" that high to give me a moment to simply stare upward and witness my own creative genius at work. 

I am being given the chance to gaze at this high, narrow tower and see clearly what I have wrought with my own sincere actions, dreams, intentions and words.  I am aware that when I get past the first rush of exhilaration and slight doubts that always accompany each door opening to success, each building block will regally and purposely shift from the tall, narrow tower to place itself in a firm, rock solid foundation.  I believe the energy stacking sensation is merely to call our attention to sharp focus.  I recognize that I have not done all of this alone - that gentle hand on the rudder, that quiet presence that embraces me has been there guiding the thoughts, intentions and dreams as they travel outward and eventually return with purpose.

There are the loving, reassuring whispers that come softly into my heart, and with them a sense of calm.  Do I still feel trepidation?  Yes, to a degree, because I firmly believe that we either feel Love, or we feel Fear.  All emotions are derived from those two true sources.  So, although minor thoughts of slowing the mad rush down exist, much more clearly, there is exhilaration as I recognize that after a lengthy incubation and useful limbo, the time is approaching for forward momentum to fall into place. 

It is occurring as I write this post, with so many energy blocks in that stackable tower that as I tip my head back to gaze upward, I admit to a slight thrill of "What have I done?" type of thinking niggling at the periphery of my conscious mind.  I don't spend much energy focusing on those doubts, as I recognize them to be a natural part of moving forward.  Caution is never a bad partner to take along on any rush into our personal, individual futures.  That being said, I am more inclined to simply stare up at that sparkling, brightly faceted narrow tower of energy and feel an immense satisfaction.  The layers and building blocks soar above me and show me clearly that I am now stepping away from the useful limbo phase into a moment of more mobile, active application of energy.

At this moment, I find it apropos that I am on this brink...full of aspirations and dreams.  This is a time of quiet, that proverbial calm before the storm, and I choose to view the storm as a positive.  It is a storm of energy blocks stacked very high, and as I was a strong hand in the creation of these dreams, I admit to liking how loftily it ascends.  Rather than quailing, I feel a definite sense of sureness and destiny, and overall, that never ending curiosity that drives me onward. 

I also admit to wishing, just once, for a wee glimpse of that energy fingerprint....for a wee moment, to dash outward in tandem into the Great Unknown and be a bit of a tourist....and perhaps I actually do achieve that in a different state.  It is all tied intrinsically together, after all, to produce the individual stories we all choose to live.  I'll be content, though, with wrangling those stackable energy blocks into that solid foundation, and continue to build the Now into a bright experience.