Sad Weathering - Suicide and Practising Compassion

Photo:  fr.treklens.com/gallery/photo

Suicide.  It's a harsh, ragged, ugly word.  It conjures equally dark, despairing mental images, and finally, it inflicts a quality of pain on those left living that is difficult to quantify.

My family is weathering such an event. It is very fresh, having happened this past weekend.  One of my cousins took her own life.  I will not go into further detail, as I want to respect my family and her beloved memory.  What I want to talk about today is all of the emotion that swirls around this verboten word, verboten act.

Judgment is almost instantaneous when you hear the word "suicide".

• "Oh, they must've been very weak."  
• "Suicide is the coward's way out."  
• "Why didn't they ask for help?"
• "They're in a better place."  
• "I'll pray for them, because they're going to burn in hell eternally."

I think most of these are understandable thoughts, human ones. And they are very common to hear after a suicide death, I am learning.  But I will tell you, from my own very raw emotional state, they are unnecessary and they're cruel to speak to anyone who is weathering the fallout out of suicide.  We who are left behind to pick up the pieces do not need to defend the actions of our loved one.  We do not need to come up with logical answers as to why that loved one made that final decision. No one but that person can answer what thoughts went through their mind that tipped their hand in those final moments.  We need for you to be there for us in support, love and care.  Sadly, this is rarely what people think to offer, or they feel that any of the above comments are somehow going to offer solace.  They do not do that. What gives solace to each of us will differ, but just know that words of judgment are not appropriate or helpful when a family is coping with a suicide death.

In my opinion, anyone who commits suicide is far from weak.  Nor are they cowardly.  Consider the amount of bravery it takes to make that final motion that ends your life - could anyone honestly imagine that a weak person is capable of such a thing?  I think it takes a huge amount of bravery, but I'm sure many will strongly disagree with me.  Weakness is certainly evident when anyone is in such a distressed and despairing state of mind that death appears to be their only viable option, but that is not a weakness of character.  It is a state of mental illness that should engender compassion and understanding, rather than strident jumps to condemnation and judgement.

Why didn't they ask for help?  Good question.  It is one that will torment those left behind for many years, perhaps for the rest of their natural lives.  Perhaps that person DID ask for help, and no one listened, or the plea wasn't recognized as such....those being asked simply didn't realize the enormity of the request.  We all get busy with our daily existence and we brush aside seemingly surface level conversations that later, after a death has occurred, suddenly clarify and show us the depth of pain that loved one was in.  So, we turn that judgment and condemnation inward and the pain is compounded daily, like the interest rate on a bank loan.

Depression is not one dimensional, and it is simplistic to suggest that it can be doctored up and resolved if the person suffering a depression episode just talks to someone. It is different for every person who experiences clinical depression as to how it manifests, but there are some commonalities. 

I can say with a fair degree of confidence that most people suffering a depression cycle who have taken that final step to commit suicide have gone through multiple rounds of therapy, have talked and talked with friends, family and pastors, preachers and spiritual advisors, have put in earnest work on themselves, have taken prescription medications and tried holistic therapies. They've reached out during those initial scary first, second, third and more attempts to take their lives, and if they were lucky to reach out to the right person and they were willing to be talked down off the proverbial suicide ledge, they're still living today. With depression, the reality is that it is usually a repetitive cycle these people experience and it is a grueling, grinding experience that eventually wears them down.  

A mindset that has nothing to do with clear, mentally healthy logic sets in where they convince themselves that the world will be fine, and their loved ones will be better off without them.  

Yes, they know that people will grieve, but they are convinced that this final act of taking their life is truly for the best, and they're doing the world and their loved ones a favor.  The skewed mindset that takes over makes this train of thought sound just convincing enough to that worn down, tired spirit that that terrible final decision is enacted. 

The reality is that if someone you love is set in their mind on taking their life, not much any of us can say or do will have much of an effect other than to delay the inevitable. 

• Most likely, that loved one has attempted suicide more than once in the past, or they've given a lot of thought to it, or they're dropping hints in conversation that they're contemplating it, and the hints are so minute and purposely veiled that people don't recognize the warning flag. 
• Most likely, they've cried wolf repeatedly to the point that those close to them become inured to that one final time that they're really serious.  OR, another truth is that they've exhausted those close to them with repeated suicide attempts and those people have run out of ideas to help, support to offer, energy to pour into that bottomless pit of despair that no one but that individual can heal. 
• There isn't any blueprint for how someone approaches suicide or makes that final choice, but if there is any truth to accept, it is that most likely, nothing any of us might have said or done could have stopped that person from their actions. And because of this, no one should EVER be made to feel guilty because their loved one took their own life!!  

They're in a better place.  Perhaps they are, given that anyone who contemplates suicide is in an obviously dark, despairing emotional and mental space.  I will tell you that hearing "they're in a better place" is not what I want(ed) to hear in those first few hours.  I was blessed to be able to call someone close to me and equally blessed that that person came to my side immediately and stayed with me through the majority of that first awful day.  He didn't offer platitudes, judgments or any of the above comments I've listed.  He was simply there for me.  Allowing me to cry, allowing me to process through the wildly swinging pendulum of emotions, and simply being there for and with me.  That was what I needed.  A familiar face, simple companionship, sincere care and friendship, and the space to process the rawness of grief.  Other people might find comfort in platitudes and surface level statements; I do not mean to throw out my own harsh judgments when I know that every person who utters such platitudes is truly doing and saying the only things they know.  I am sharing here what worked best for me.

I'm not going to dignify the "they're going to burn in hell eternally" comment beyond simply saying shame on anyone who is thoughtless enough to utter such a statement to someone who has just lost a loved one to suicide.  Yes, I heard this statement this week, more than once, and I found it to be the most incredibly ugly,  unnecessary, rude thing I've ever heard in my life.  Please, exercise common sense, people. No one deserves to have to hear such a thing about someone they loved. Prayers are most certainly appreciated, but comments about eternal damnation?  Absolutely not.

Most of us have heard of the five stages of grief:  

1.     Denial

2.     Anger

3.     Bargaining

4.     Depression

5.     Acceptance

Several years ago, I wrote about this whole thing, the grief process, and how it tends to manifest around High Holy Days, how suicides and deaths increase around Christmas and Easter and other Holy Days. (Holiday Stages, 12/21/2009 Healing Morning)  In that article, I discussed the fact that those five stages of grief don't necessarily neatly process for us one single time and get tied up in a pretty bow to be tucked away and never felt again.  In fact, grief is never neat and pretty.  It is jagged and raw and ugly, and has no semblance of logic to it.  Nor do those stages of grief hit us only once.  They revisit in varying degrees over the coming years.  I am well aware of this fact, so I know I will be dealing with ebbs and flows of my own grief process for a while....probably for years.  Right now, I cannot imagine ever reaching a stage of acceptance where I will not miss my cousin with a sense of urgency and bewilderment.

Suicide creates its own well of pain, simply because it is a conscious act, a choice, that most view with the aforementioned condemnation and judgment.  I am certainly not going to suggest it is a good choice, or a rational one.  But I will say that for those left behind to pick up the pieces, understanding and compassion towards the whole situation is the kindest thing anyone can offer.  That means understanding and compassion for the ones left behind AND for the person who committed suicide. 

Suicide also engenders a lot of silence.  People are uncertain what to say when death by suicide occurs.  So, they quite often fall back on awkward silences or those harsh judgments mentioned above. If you can't bring yourself to understand why that person made that choice, and really, none of us can truly understand such a thing, then I would hope you can be capable of extending your heart in a compassionate manner.  Do your level best to keep your judgments to yourself, because they do not belong in the midst of those who are grieving.

My personal thoughts are not of anger towards my family member who took her own life.  Yes, I feel anger, but more towards the whole mess.  I feel anger that she will no longer be here to experience the beauty of our family and the beauty of life.  But more importantly, I am saddened beyond words to express that she's gone.  She's gone forever from our family, that familiar presence that I have always known to be there.  A beautiful, vibrant, talented life was cut short.  She's not here any longer, and I miss her already.  I will miss her for the rest of my life, and I'll have to put conscious effort into learning to live without her.  We are tasked with that chore when any loved one passes, but suicide makes the loss sharper, simply because it wasn't Destiny at work.  It was choice at work.  And it didn't have to happen.  It did happen, though, and my family is left with learning to live without her.  What I feel towards my cousin is love, and what I will always feel for her is love. Compassion. Sadness. A true wish that she had made a different choice. An obvious desire that she hadn't done this and I still had her here with me.  But abiding love is the mainstay.

I am experiencing a flood of memories of this cousin.  Childhood memories, all of us growing up together, and she being our role model.  Bright, happy, beautiful. In the coming weeks, we will have a memorial service during our yearly family reunion. I will be delivering the eulogy for my cousin.  And my own conscious choice is to celebrate her life, rather than dwell on the final dark moments that led to how her life ended.  There is much to put into words, this process of celebrating a life.  Right now, I am not certain how I will accomplish it.  Eventually, the words will flow as they always do, and I will have pages of words to speak in her memory.  The speaking part....that is where I am still unsure how I will do it.  How I will get through it.  Will I choke up?  Break down in tears and be unable to continue?  I hope not, as I staunchly insist that although suicide ended her life, that word does not define the beautiful person she was.

In the wee hours of the night after she left us, I finally calmed enough to check my Facebook page.  The following quote from the Persian poet-philosopher, Rumi, is what resonated strongly for me:

Although I may try to describe Love,

When I experience it, I am speechless.

No words can ever truly capture the essence of that person we each loved, nor can they give voice to the depth of love we feel for them, nor can they express the acute pain we feel when they leave us in an untimely manner.  Perhaps now, words aren't necessary any longer.  Simply remembering her loving Soul, her smile, her laughter, her simple enjoyment of life, her talent, the sound of her voice, the way it felt to hug her, the way she brightened the room, these are enough.

To any who read this who have experienced personal loss of a loved one to suicide, my thoughts, love, and prayers for healing and compassion go out to you. 

Guest Posting: You do WHAT for a living?

www.seriouslysocial.co

I rarely hyperlink from here to another website, as I find truncated posts to be frustrating, but this is a very special exception!  I am honored to be asked to guest post over at my dear friend, Derek Jones's blog, Derek's Home and Business Blog.

Derek asked me a while back to write something for him about my social media management and consulting business, and a three-part series was the result.  Today's post is the first of that three-part series, titled, "You do WHAT for a living?".

I will add the second and third installments to this same post, so as to keep continuity for everyone interested in reading each article.  I hope you enjoy the insight into this very exciting and enjoyable career path!

Many thanks, by the way, to Derek Jones for hosting me as a guest blogger at his wonderful blog!  Here is the first installment in this series:

http://www.derekjones.co/2012/06/social-media-management-part-1-you-do.html

The first installment has received wonderful response!  Derek informed me late yesterday that the first installment had received in the neighborhood of 500+ hits/views by around 5pm, US Eastern Standard Time.  Very encouraging, and I'm making sure to visit Derek's blog page to reply to all comments and answer any questions that readers post.

Here is the second installment in this social media management series:  Handling Objections

http://www.derekjones.co/2012/06/social-media-management-part-2-handling.html

And finally, the third installment in this social media management series:  Getting the Word Out
http://www.derekjones.co/2012/06/social-media-management-part-3-getting.html

I am very happy to share that Derek and I have received truly wonderful response to this series!  As a result of the interest about social media and our collaborative efforts, Derek and I have agreed to continue this series in the coming months.  Stay tuned for more installments about social media management.  To everyone who has visited and commented over at Derek's Home and Business Blog, I sincerely appreciate you and I look forward to sharing more information on this topic in the near future.

Snow paws

Photo:  www.wix.com

Change.  New experiences.  New people coming into our lives that perforce cause changes.  Many people love change!  I am not one of them, although it is an experience that I weather with much more Grace these days than I used to.  I'm good with it in my work environment and with my career; in fact, I actively pursue growth and change at that level.  I call it my Low Boredom Threshold and it keeps me pretty driven in that part of my life.

When it comes to personal areas, home life, relationships, heck no!  I tend to want to immediately dig my heels in.  Or, for those of you who grew up on Saturday morning cartoons, picture Bugs Bunny when someone is trying to force him through a door and all four paws cling tenaciously to the doorway.  Yep, that's me.  Wanting to hold on to the familiar with a vengeance.  I've gotten better with this as I've grown older, and I tend to joke about the degree of it I embrace these days.  Time has a way of whittling those rough edges away, after all.  But I admit I do still want to cling to the doorway at times.

I was talking with one of my dear sister-friends recently about this very thing and how I tend to react emotionally regarding very personal interaction.  This was what I shared:

You know what mental image I keep getting of myself?  I had this sweet Australian Shepherd dog named Kobay.  The first snow we had the first year I had her, she hid in her house.  I had to coax her out.  Sloooowly, she came out, but with each step, she lifted her paw, looked at it, shook it a bit to get rid of that foreign snow stuff, then looked at me, as though to say, "Eeeuuww. MOM!  That's new stuff. I don't LIKE it.  Make it go away!"

I.e.,  New.  Different.  Scary. Uncomfortable.  So, I'm doing the "get the snow off my paws" dance.

Does this sound familiar to any of you?   I actually find it rather humorous, the mental image, because it's an apt analogy for what I sometimes do.  Not always, and less and less as I grow into myself in an authentic manner, but it does happen, that old knee jerk reaction.  And yes, I admit I really do start to react that way at times when someone gets very close to me on an intimate emotional level.  That's scary stuff, after all!  It means that awful word, "vulnerability", is in the mix.  Well, quelle horror, shock and shudders!  WHO in their right mind enjoys being vulnerable?!  Certainly not I.  Mind you, I stop the behavior in its tracks when I recognize it starting to slip in, and that's what we're talking about here today.

The prequel post to this one would be "What do you do when" 5/22/2012, Healing Morning.  I recently experienced that moment of breath suspended and I let myself feel the feelings.  That took a while, took some pondering, took some allowing, took some releasing, took some growing and most assuredly, took some shifting and changing of Self.

Was it easy?  In some ways, yes.  We each have the option of making life experiences easy or difficult. Sometimes the emotions churn so hot and bright that we get distracted into thinking it has to be difficult and painful.  That's fear talking, of course.  It doesn't have to be anything, really.  Which is where that "just feel" part comes in.  When we do that, when we just feel, no turmoil need be experienced.  No fighting or grappling need be necessary.  They're feelings and they're meant to be felt!  What a concept, hmm??  Yet we spend a LOT of time, we humans, doing what another friend called "the high stepping freaky dance" when it comes to emotional stuff.  I call it the Snow Paw Dance, but it's basically the same thing.

My paws felt all weird and strange with that new stuff clinging to them and I wanted it to STOP RIGHT NOW.  I spent some time lifting each paw and attempting to shake that new stuff off, but it didn't work.  That new stuff is meant to cling to our paws and make an impression.  It forces us to feel the feelings, which is what is supposed to happen.  *sigh*  I know....if you're like me, you're thinking, "Really??  Are you SURE it's supposed to happen?  It feels strange.  I could be just as happy avoiding it."  That's my inner 5 year old speaking, or my inner puppy with snow paws, perhaps, and I don't indulge that knee jerk fear reaction for long.  I take a moment to recognize it and acknowledge the very human and understandable fear reaction, then I get down to the business of growth, learning and stretching my horizons.

This time when I got Snow Paw reaction, I was smart enough to chat with a friend and process the whole thing.  Luckily, I chose someone who doesn't cut me any slack and who kicks my booty (with love) when necessary.  Actually, she calls it yanking my tail to pull me down out of the tree I climbed up.  You know how kittens will do that, climb waaaay up high in a tree, realize just how high up they are, then start crying because they can't figure out how to get themselves down?  That's another analogy for what I was doing.  I got snow on my paws and I shot right up a tree to get away from it!  Then I needed a bit of an assist to get back down the tree, hence my sister-friend yanking my tail.

So, here I am, back on the ground.  As I look around me, the snow has melted and I think it's not so overwhelming to be here as was initially felt.  My paws might still be a wee wet and uncomfortable, but I'm back on the ground and I'm walking around in those feelings, getting used to the fit of them.  How do they feel?  New.  Different.  Scary.  Uncomfortable.  But there's also potential for them to become beyond comfortable and lovely.  If I let them, they can become one of the most beautiful things I've ever experienced.

I'm going to stay here a while, I think.  Wet snow paws require some extra attention and personal grooming, after all.  In the process, I'm going to grow.  I can already see and feel that occurring.  Those who know me well are aware that I normally adore winter weather and snow.  It's when it hits out of season that it can throw a person off kilter a bit, but that's okay, because....

Snow out of season is one of the most spectacular experiences we can have.  

What do you do when....

Photo:  http://www.siaphoto.com/

What do you do when you can't breathe?  When something occurs that literally strips the breath from your body and you're suspended in that polarizing moment, gasping.  This can take many forms.  Some beautiful, some incredibly raw and angry, some reaching a level of sublime happiness, and others so steeped in sadness that  it is beyond words to express.

That moment, when the air is taken from us seems to last an endless forever.  Our minds and emotions seize up in a sort of shock as we grapple to understand the enormity of the moment.  A whole slew of physiological effects set in...pupils dilating, heart rate increasing, fingertips and lips going slightly numb, slightly tingling, goosebumps hitting at times, sweating occurring at others, stomach twisting and pitching, laughter bursting from us in a glorious ripple of smiling notes, or gut wrenching sobs the next sound we're capable of making. 

Most of the time when this happens, we are forever changed.  Uplifted at times, devastated at others.  It's one of those very pure moments when everything narrows down to a literal pinpoint of focus.  From that one breath suspended, to that next moment when we finally inhale again, the world changes.  We change.  A remarkable shift occurs.

It's a curious thing, how all that we are, who we are, can change in such a blinding, rapid manner.  It can happen in a fleeting rush, barreling upon us in a wild, dramatic swirl.  Or it can slip through and brush softly as a whisper.  Regardless of the delivery, it is profound and dramatic.

We experience it from the hands of another....from the words of another.  Or from our own initiative.  Sometimes it is a moment in Nature.  Or a song lyric.  A fragrance that teases the heart and the memory.  A touch so sincere that we cannot resist it.  And we are undone.  Unraveled, or conversely, wound so tightly, so quickly, that we must shatter into a million pieces of delight or maddened grief.

Peace walks these same halls.  As does love.  They both grab the breath from us, lifting up and embracing us in an inestimable manner. 

What do you do when you can't breathe?  You endure it.  Or you celebrate it.  You continue to live, accepting that infinitesimal moment that has shifted everything that you are into a new person.  And you are born anew, taking fumbling steps, uncertain on wobbly knees and feet.  Pared down to your elemental self, vulnerable, naked and alone, and seeing the world through brand new eyes.

What do you do when you can't breathe and the cold vapor of that crashing experience stuns you?  You momentarily become a creature of ice, shards of silvered frost entwining throughout your very cells, turning you crystalline.  Waiting for a touch to warm and melt you back to humanity.

Waiting for a touch to enfold.  To stutter-start your breath again.

There in an indefinable space that simultaneously lasts both a nanosecond and a limitless, echoing eternity...what do you do?  You feel.  Simply that. 

You feel.

Carpe Happy, Y'all

Every writer has their own unique fingerprint, their own style and manner of inspiration which they pour into their work.  I am of the Magpie variety of writer when it comes to gathering inspiration.  I can literally be inspired by anything under the sun.  Those of you of similar nature will nod in understanding when I say that I will scribble down a fragment of a thought, or a snippet of conversation, sometimes just a single word, or a song lyric on any available surface.  Paper napkins, chewing gum wrappers, receipts, envelopes, pieces of cardboard....anything that will hold written words that hit in a firestorm of inspiration is utilized so that I don't lose that moment of clarity.  Magpies, for those of you not familiar, are birds who are entranced by anything sparkly, shiny or unusual.  They will collect such objects and take them to weave into the structure of their nests, making a unique, bright, cozy and sparkling home for themselves and their mates.

Most of my closest friends and family members have become accustomed to the fact that they're fair game and fodder for my Magpie imagination.  Any given conversational moment will trigger my Magpie reflex and off I go, frantically searching for something to dash off a series of handwritten notes for content of a future blog post, or a manuscript concept.

Recently, someone close to me uttered what I found to be a shining statement:

"Carpe happy, young lady."

This statement came through a series of texts on a lazy weekend evening, and as indicated above, it struck my Magpie reflex.  I thought, "What a great suggestion!  I want that on a t-shirt!"  As I am wont to do in such moments of inspiration, I studied the above suggestion.  It kept calling to me as I worked through some personal thoughts.  So, I kept coming back to it, circling around, pausing to study from this angle and that plane.  The more I studied it, the more I could hear a deeper message entwined in the words.

The suggestion itself was a delightful moment of whimsy from a friend. I still smile at the sentiment behind the words.  Taken at face value, it is an excellent and valuable suggestion!  In essence, and translation, it means, "Seize the happy."  As I had been experiencing a rather bubbly, happy afternoon to the point of the happy overflowing, I was driven to share with that friend in a bouncy, rollicking, cheerful text conversation.  Little did I know that the suggestion would, indeed, hold deeper meaning and lessons.

I've said it many times before - I excel at getting in my own way.  I will analyze the fool out of a situation, pick at it, poke at it, dissect it relentlessly until I come to whatever personal conclusion is necessary for me to feel satisfied that I fully understand that situation.  It's a protection mechanism, I fully admit this.  It gives me distance and lets me apply an almost clinical perspective.  Sometimes this serves a very good purpose, because cooler heads and calm logic prevailing definitely hold value.  It can also, however, become its own double edged sword, causing focus on negatives to the exclusion of all else....of searching for a solution that might not even be available yet, and thus, inflicting a sort of needless limbo.

On the heels of my happy afternoon, I found myself on the verge of doing that very thing...getting in my own way out of a knee jerk emotional reaction.  I was on the verge of projecting a whole boatload of negative possibilities and getting wound up in a completely unnecessary manner.  Negative possibilities which, mind you, hadn't even occurred and might not EVER occur.  Yet there I was, angsting and worrying those possibilities into near manifestation.  Law of Attraction precepts indicate that that which we focus attention on is that which we can and do manifest, so that reminder was a valuable wake up call for me.

It took me a while to recognize and identify where all of this "stuff" was coming from and what emotional triggers had been tripped, but once I did identify them, I immediately cut the cycle.  I realized that I was right on the precipice of pouring old energies, negative ones at that, into a new experience.  And I saw immediately how damaging that behavior could be if I allowed myself to continue.  It was a poor past habit that was attempting to bully its way back in and set up housekeeping.

So, I stopped it.  I cut the cycle and I shifted my immediate attention back to brighter thoughts.  It wasn't easy to begin with, because fear based thinking lifts its ugly head when we're the most vulnerable, when we're on the verge of stepping into a new experience that is scary and challenging on an emotional level.  I don't know many people who enjoy the sensation of being vulnerable - I know that I sure don't.  But this time, I reeled in the fear based thoughts and did not allow them to sink toxic tentacles into this new experience.  And the fascinating part was that within literally ten minutes of addressing this within myself, being honest, identifying the negative pattern attempting to emerge and blasting it out of existence, I had something occur that was almost instantly reassuring, instantly positive, instantly encouraging.  The relief and clear recognition of how each conscious thought, step and action had its own equal and opposite and positive reaction was lovely.

My decision with all of this nudges me to a behavior that I tend to not embrace that often, and that is living in the Now.  I'm much better at planning things to a meticulous level, because it is another protective mechanism.  That being said, this moment of epiphany clearly showed me that there is a great deal of merit in  living in the Now and being appreciative of each present moment.  For me, that behavior requires stepping out of old habits and patterns.  I'm quite good at living in the Now when it comes to writing, but the true LIVING part of it, well, I admit that I dance around that one and shy from it much more than I embrace it.

It took some work on my part and a conscious choice to be brave, along with being vulnerable.  I'm still not altogether comfortable with that mix - bravery and vulnerability - but I'm stepping forward anyway. And I'm doing it in the mindset suggested above:  Carpe happy, young lady!

I believe this is going to become a new mantra for me.  It carries such a happy, lighthearted message, tone and vibration.  When I read the words, my heart is immediately lifted up and my lips tilt in an irresistible smile.  It prompts such a nice, zippy, bubbly energy that I was driven to share it with you here, and being a southern belle of sorts, I simply cannot resist tweaking the message to embrace you all:

Carpe happy, y'all! :)

Roughed up

Photo image:  Facebook

I began writing this post in the midst of Good Friday afternoon whilst checking my email and Facebook. I have been reading so many beautiful comments and posts regarding Easter/Passover this weekend.  One such comment was by my dear friend, Lisa Brandel, in her ongoing daily series called Thoughts in Images.  She was discussing the concept of God/Universe/Spirit giving us more than we can handle, in direct contrast to that old homily that "God never gives us more than we can handle".  My comment on her post is as follows:

Very wise words, Tinker (my nickname for Lisa). I often say that same thing, that yes, we are regularly given more than we can handle. I think in a way, it shears away some of the extraneous bulk to allow Grace to attach. (blog alert! methinks I need to scurry off to write on this one more!) SDS, 04/06/2012

First, I urge everyone to click the link above to read Lisa's full thoughts on this concept, because they are very deep in wisdom.  She writes with a very sure hand, driven by her personal experiences and losses, yet she always finds that bright spot in every difficult moment.  I agree with her on this subject and have often felt that very same thought - that God/Universe/Spirit DOES give us more than we can handle, and it happens quite often.  I've pondered this from my personal experiences, when I've been quite aware I'm being tested and pushed beyond the current limits of my abilities to adapt.

The following thoughts are what I have come to realize.


The analogy that comes to mind is that some of this being barraged with a huge amount of trial and challenge has the purpose to literally knock off some of the bulk of extraneous energy we build up.  We're good at that building up of defenses and walls, we humans, often creating such a buildup that we are out of balance in a spiritual and emotional manner.  Similar to a sculptor approaching a bulky block of granite and chipping away to expose the image hidden within, perhaps that Divine Source blasts us with large chunks of crisis and strife to shear away parts of us that we simply no longer need.  Those large amounts of challenging energy might not all be completely absorbed by us on an individual level, but similar to the winds blowing sand or water against stone, wood or land....pieces are whittled, chipped and eroded until they finally fall away.  From a logical, pragmatic standpoint, if you're struggling uphill, it's certainly easier to make the climb without carrying a lot of unnecessary baggage.  So, it is within the bounds of reason that challenges help us to jettison extraneous negative habits, behaviors and patterns that no longer serve us well.


Another analogy that I think of often is that a smooth surface cannot bond efficiently with a new addition.  Are you familiar with the process of roughing up a smooth surface to prepare it to receive a new coat of paint, or to join two pieces of wood or metal or glass together?  The roughing up of that smooth surface is necessary, because the roughness gives each separate piece something to bond to.  Two slick, smooth surfaces will not bond efficiently....they will eventually separate and fall apart.  The roughing up of the surface creates texture and that texture becomes a sort of puzzle mechanism for an interlocking process to be achieved.  I find this to be such a strong message - smooth, shiny, slick surfaces are often beautiful to look at, but they remain separate.  Apart.  Isolated.  Lovely, yes, but sterile in a way.  I think this is good reason to celebrate and appreciate how beautiful we are in our flaws.  They create an opportunity for us to find those interlocking relationships, to bond with other people and other experiences and become more beautiful...more real...more unique, through personal growth.  Our flaws allow us to become that better version of ourselves through that refining process.


So, my thought is that when we're bombarded with extreme, onerous levels of challenge, we're being sculpted and prepared for that interlocking process.  We're being presented with new layers of energy and experiences that will ultimately make us stronger and more beautiful in a spiritual sense, but we must first sacrifice parts of ourselves that no longer serve a positive purpose, or that are getting in the way of growth. 


The energy of Good Friday and Easter/Passover is upon us, and I always find the energies swirling around during this particular weekend to be particularly peaceful and uplifting.  It is a quiet, peaceful kind of energy that I feel, while at the same time, I experience a strong upswing on a vibratory level.  I firmly believe this happens around all High Holy Days because the world at large is in a similar mental state, focusing on the spiritual manifestation of that particular day.  I believe that this creates a combined energy that benefits all of us and also benefits this planet we all inhabit.  


Pain isn't fun.  That's an obvious truth.  It comes to us for myriad reasons - as a red flag to alter our course and avoid something unpleasant, as a warning of something of a medical nature that requires attention, as an ending to a relationship through separation of one sort or another...divorce, friendship ending, death, drifting slowly apart.  Sadness and grief are part of the makeup of this world and they are part of the growth process we all face on a daily basis.  These experiences teach us compassion, strength, acceptance and the ability to allow Grace into our personal reality.

Photo image:  Heart Highlights FB Page

On my Facebook wall on Good Friday, another dear friend by the name of Holly, posted a beautiful photo that I want to share here.  The lily and the Cross, both symbols of Easter, of love, redemption and faith.  The Cross is the symbol of one of the saddest historical moments this planet and the human race have ever witnessed, and the lily symbolizes the shining result of that sad sacrifice.  Forgiveness, rebirth, unconditional love, and a promise to us of life everlasting.


I am not one to speak much about specific religions, or to hammer away with specific dogma.  I prefer to concentrate more on the simple and pure source behind it all, which is Love.  I have a deep and abiding personal faith that spans many thoughts and concepts and I do my best to share my thoughts here, at Healing Morning, in a manner that lifts up and encourages.


Easter/Passover is about Transformation.  Shedding of a physical body to rise up in vibration to a Divine level.  We're all here on this Earth School to work towards that same level of Divine energy, and the process requires that we face challenges, be given overwhelming tests and that we experience pain, whether physical, emotional or both, in that refining process.  


In return, we are "roughed up" on our spiritual surfaces in order to accept that next layer of beauty....to accept that higher vibration of pure spiritual progress and growth.  In those moments when you are clearly aware that you're being tested, and you're equally aware that you're being given much more than you can handle, know that there is purpose in all of it.  That which you truly cannot handle is still blasting away at you in a manner meant to chip excess baggage away and reveal a truer version of yourself.  It is helping you to shed layers and emerge cleaner, lighter, yes, but also slightly roughed up and available to receive that new layer of Grace more effectively.  Whether each of us chooses to accept that attachment of Grace is a personal choice, obviously, but something in me stubbornly believes that Grace does attach, even for those who turn from it.  It is simply there, showering down on us all, waiting for that available space, minute or hugely expansive, to attach and brighten each life.  When I am going through my own challenging moments and I feel I cannot take another ounce of it, the thought that a lot of negative energy is being blasted away, and I'm being prepared for beautiful energies to attach brings me back to calm and focus.


Where ever you are in your life currently, as you read this, I wish you a Good Friday and a blessed Easter/Passover.  Be with those you love and celebrate the fact that we have been given this incredible world to experience all the highs and lows of life and emerge triumphant, changed and showered in Grace.

*Photo image annotation:  the first image of the diamond and charcoal was taken from Facebook, but I was unable to track it to an originator or a specific Facebook page.  In this case, I am only able to annotate to Facebook as the origin of this photo image.*

Gratitude Moments, Vol. I, April 2012

Photo: www.innerworkingsresources.com

Most of my readers are familiar with my Grasshopper Thoughts articles.  I write those when I'm either not in the mood to delve into a meaty, involved blog article, or I just have one of those days where my attention span is shot.

A while back, I read a great post on my Facebook newsfeed that made me smile.  It was titled, "The Amazing Moments in Life".  I liked it so much that my mind automatically began compiling those moments that resonate for me, so I came here to write a Grasshopper Thoughts entry with a slightly different format.  I'll call these Gratitude Moments and this may become a recurring series.  Let me know what you think!

Gratitude Moments

1. Hearing the voice of someone you love over the phone, unexpectedly.
2. Receiving a long, tight hug that lasts for several moments.
3. Seeing a flower blooming in an unexpected place.
4. Finding cash in a pocket or purse that you had forgotten was there.
5. Taking an item to the checkout counter and being asked, "Did you know this is on sale?" (SCORE!)
6. That moment when a favorite snack food that was discontinued years ago is brought back.  In this case, Taco Flavored Doritos™!
7. Finding that ink pen that fits your hand perfectly, is the right ink flow, the right ink nib/roller ball and learning that they're affordable.
8. Spending time at your Mom's house and waking up to a breakfast only she can make.
9. Walking through the woods at home in springtime and seeing all the greening up and blossoming occurring.
10. Getting enough snow to make snow cream.
11. Holding hands.
12. Grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup.
13. Having a lazy day where you snuggle on the sofa with a blanket, the remote control, comfort foods and a good book.
14. Rubbing noses with that special person.
15. Getting kissed and hugged by a child.
16. Hot tea.
17. Family reunions and seeing all those faces that you love deeply.
18. Hearing your favorite song on the radio.
19. Going to brunch with friends and discovering a new foody love. Lobster Bacon Flatbread comes to mind as a new one for me.
20. Laughing with friends and/or family until you cry happy tears.
21. Receiving flowers from someone who loves you, "Just because I knew it would make you smile".
22. Planting old fashioned flowers and watching them grow. Lily of the Valley is my personal favorite.
23. Being surprised that childhood chores you used to hate - like having a kitchen garden - have morphed into a thing of appreciation and enjoyment.  Go figure. I would never have dreamed my thoughts would change on this!
24. Listening to family members reminisce and tell stories about "the Good Old Days".
25. Finding that perfect mascara.  
26. Reading a book that literally changes your whole perspective on Life.
27. Meditation.
28. Having a good hair day.
29. Finding a new author, loving their writing style and discovering there are multiple titles of theirs available. *Love that!*
30. Having that special item of clothing that always makes you look and feel good when you wear it. One of mine is a sweatshirt my brother got me for Christmas over 10 years ago.  It's over sized, soft knit material, slouchy in silhouette and gets softer and more comfy the longer I have it, and oddly, makes me look skinny!
31. Yoga.
32. That unique smell of the morning air in your favorite location.
33. Recognizing how truly blessed you really are.
34. Banana popsicles!
35. Writing an article that, reading it back, literally gives you chills for how perfectly it has been written.
36. Celebrating a birthday of someone you love. Today is my dear, wonderful Mom's birthday...Happy Birthday, Mom!  I love you more than words can express. <3

I made myself stop at 36 things, but what I love about this process is that once you begin, the thoughts flow. There's the concept and practice of keeping a Daily Gratitude Journal and it is one that I occasionally do, but then get distracted on the daily entries part at some point.  What I can say here, today, is that sitting down to write these Gratitude Moments kept me in a happy, appreciative state of mind.  I have been smiling as I tapped out each thought and I love the Universal Law aspect of this.  Lifting our thoughts to a happy harmonic energy means that we are sending that accelerated energy outwards, where it will grow and maximize itself before returning to us to shower blessings that match that original happy energy.  I can't think of a better reason to embrace this concept and make it a habit.  What are your favorite memories and experiences that fit into the Gratitude Moments category?