Partly sleeping

Photo - www.senelfy.deviantart.com

Have you ever had the sense that after some unexpected experience hits your personal horizon, you look back and realize that part of you had been sleeping up until that moment?  I have reflected on this for years.  It has happened to me countless times and never fails to capture my attention with each new occurrence.

A simple analogy would be when you buy a new car and suddenly you see that same model, same color car everywhere you go.  Prior to purchasing that new vehicle, you never before noticed so many of the same car everywhere you traveled.  Your eyes and your consciousness have been newly awakened to that recognition, where before, part of you had been sleeping.

This holds true with endless layers of who we are, where our lives are heading, where we have been.  When a new person comes into our lives, and love occurs, we are stunned that we lived our whole lives without that love up until that meeting. This applies to friendship, to family and to intimate love, as well as to new experiences, studies, dreams, etc.  It is almost beyond acceptance, once the love is realized, to ken how we survived without it for so long.  Our heart was partly sleeping, waiting for that arrival of that person or that experience to wake up that spot that was reserved exclusively for them/it.

Talents lie partly sleeping also.  Sometimes they awaken with a jarring crash, startling us with the all consuming need to dive in and embrace the newness, turn it in our hands and make a mark on the world with it.  Other times, those talents are merely dormant, waiting for occasional awakening.  This happens for me with various artistic endeavors.  I can go for months at a time without any need to be creative beyond my daily writing.  Then something happens to awaken the partly sleeping Muse and I hit a frenzy of creativity, producing a wide range of artistic expressions.

To me, it is an endless joy to discover something new to love....about myself, and about the people around me.  Relationships are rarely static, and even in strife, we learn and grow.  Areas that had been partly sleeping within the context of relationships are regularly nudged awake.  We are never truly allowed to rest smugly on our laurels in that regard, and I see that as a positive.  Complacency hasn't ever been a behavior that I embrace.  I tend to be very active about communication so that all parties concerned can be clear and present with one another.  I fail at this, sometimes rather spectacularly, but the intent is always to be present and aware.  Because of this, I find that I am also equally aware when an area that had been partly sleeping suddenly awakens.  For me, it is a tangible thing, something I can physically sense and feel stirring.  I do my best to pay attention to that stirring, so that I recognize it for what it is.  It's when I ignore the sensation that I tend to bump my toes a wee bit, so I do my best to be mindful.

Recently, in perhaps the past six months, I've had a whole slew of partly sleeping areas come to full wakefulness.  These awakenings have spanned a wide range of experiences and relationships, some providing challenges to overcome, and all of them broadening my sense of Self and growing those newly awakened spots in my heart.  I have a fanciful image in my mind's eye of early morning hush coming softly awake, birds beginning to chirp, dew glistening on grass, trees and flowers in a private meadow that exists uniquely for my Soul to process these occurrences.  Oddly, this same meadow is a place I visit when I meditate, so who is to say it doesn't exist in some metaphysical manner.  The awakening of partly sleeping facets is the important thing to experience, to be aware of as it occurs.  I've never been a proponent of walking through life in an unconscious manner, so this awakening process is one that I enjoy.  I learn so much about myself as a result.  I've spoken about that endless refining of Self, of Soul, that we do on a daily basis.  The concept I am speaking of here, of "partly sleeping" is just a metaphor for that daily growth we all experience.

The world is largely expansive, rather than contractive, and so are we as people.  We are here to grow and learn, to push boundaries and embrace new experiences.  With that in mind, I imagine that we are gifted with endless ability to expand as yet unknown partly sleeping facets.  Traits, experiences, thoughts, loves and more.  It is a satisfying thought to me, because it means we are never truly finished.  We never learn it all, never experience it all....and at the heart of this thought is Love.

Through the waxing and waning, the ebb and flow of every experience, Love is the vital force at work.  Sometimes it lies sleeping for years before the awakening occurs, but that space for that particular love...be it a person, a place or an experience...that space was always there, inside us, waiting for that awakening.  We drift from one awakening to the next, continually learning.  And the beauty is that there will always be another moment when something that was partly sleeping is nudged, gently or urgently, to come alive and take full occupancy of that space in our hearts. I just really like that.

Train song

As I write this, it is very early morning in East Tennessee and I hear the northbound train approaching.  The last several days have been damp and overcast and that causes fog to creep overnight across the Tennessee Valley.  Fog, in turn, causes the sound of the train whistle and the train's passage along the tracks to carry more loudly across the hills and valleys.  Having lived a great part of my life in East Tennessee, the sound of trains has always been a constant.  Similar to how we can be lulled to sleep or calmed by the sound of rain, or a thunderstorm, so do the sound of trains rumbling, roaring and whistling down the tracks soothe those who have grown up with them always present.

I took this sound, this presence, for granted until I spent time in a city - Tampa, Florida to be specific - where trains weren't evident.  I never did figure out this puzzle while I lived in Tampa; there were certainly train tracks around and about the city, but I never once heard or saw trains traveling.  What I can report is that it took me almost a full month of living there before I finally realized part of my night time restlessness wasn't all due to being in a new city, new dwelling and new surroundings. It was actually greatly due to the fact that I wasn't hearing the familiar, comforting sound of trains traveling during the wee hours of the morning. 

Once I did identify the source, I began to ask people in Tampa about the absence of trains in and around the city.  I received puzzled looks and no ready answers as to why there were train tracks everywhere, but no trains visible.  All I can say for certain is that it took me a good stretch of time to adjust to sleeping without the soothing sounds of far-off trains rolling along the tracks, and the occasional train whistle echoing and bouncing along the hills.  Tampa doesn't have hills for the sounds to reverberate and echo across, so perhaps this is one reason I never heard the sounds the way I was accustomed to hearing in East Tennessee.

I have read of many people who have had near death experiences saying that they drifted from their bodies and went into an area that resembled a huge, limitless train station.  Other people who have lived through tornadoes and hurricanes report that the sounds of the worst of the weather manifesting sounded eerily like a train running directly overhead.  Years ago, I stumbled across an obscure book written by a hospice nurse who mentioned many of her patients who were slowly approaching death who mentioned hearing a train approaching from far away.  I apologize for not remembering the name of this book, or the name of the author, but this woman reported this mention of a train approaching to be a common theme amongst many hospice patients. 

It makes one ponder the train reference, the train station as a staging area for crossing over.  Perhaps our Souls recognize something inherent to the concept of a train approaching that beckons us to release from the physical body, step onto that mystical and spiritual manifestation and continue the journey to the other side of the Veil.

Trains do indicate travel, and before air flight was accomplished, trains were the epitome of power, wealth, commerce and a literal ticket to the far flung, exotic, mysterious corners of the Earth.  Distant and varied travel was possible, taking you as far as the train tracks lead.  Perhaps it isn't that difficult a stretch to embrace that trains could also represent a mystical form of travel for the Spirit. 

Here in my area, trains run day and night.  To someone living in an area where trains aren't prevalent, that might sound horribly noisy and invasive.  I am not describing endless activity; the trains run on schedules throughout the week and become a backdrop to our daily lives.  To me, it isn't noisy.  For the most part, it is similar to a clock in your home that you become so accustomed to that you rarely consciously hear the tick-tock sounds. Indeed, in the wee hours of the early morning, as I write this post, the sound of the northbound train is gentle, reassuring, and in its own way, quite majestic. 

Perhaps the echoes of a train thundering along the track mimics in some manner a heartbeat, reminding us of our time in the womb.  There is a rhythmic cadence as train wheels rattle and roar along the tracks.  One close girlfriend has such a trained ear for the local train schedules that she can tell which direction a given train is traveling, simply from the sound of the whistle as the train approaches.  I bow to her accuracy, because she really is incredible with this talent.  That repetitive thundering sound could remind our Soul of a sort of homecoming, a welcoming portal to traverse from here to the Unknown There, the sure sound embracing us and wrapping around our senses.

For myself, the sounds of the trains each night are a lullaby that makes me smile and ushers me more deeply into sleep.  The deep, smoky belltones of the whistle echoing across the Tennessee Valley rarely truly awaken me; it is more of a background reassurance that all is well.  If I am having a night of fitful sleep, quite often the sounds of a train in the distance will relax me and help me drop off to deep slumber. 

Much like an old friend, the song of the weekly scheduled train runs become so familiar to us that, were they to suddenly cease their normal schedule, we would become abruptly aware of the lack.  As would the sudden cessation of that clock in the room, we would wonder why the wee hours of the night had suddenly grown so unusually quiet.  Perhaps we would awaken and wonder at the strange lack of sound, not quite sure what was missing.  I, for one, would be saddened to live in a world where there were no trains rumbling along the tracks, no piercing train whistles splitting the damp night air to travel, echoing their unique song across the hills. 

It is a curiously gentle presence, the night train calling out.  Distant, yet imposing as its inexorable rush onward is repeated week by week, year by year, imprinting in our memories with sound and vibration.  This moment, this wee hour of the night that is slowly releasing darkness to dawn, the sounds of the train trekking northward inspire words to flow, to give voice to a sinuous, fluid trail of thought that mimics the journey of that train charging out into the distance. 

In a moment, I will surrender to sleep, lulled by that soporific rumble....my heart and breath unconsciously matching the rhythm of the faraway rails being ridden by the Iron Horse of yesteryear.  That curious anomaly of a bygone era remains an active, modern presence and continues to weave into the minds and hearts of those gifted with vision to dream, to hear a unique Industrial Age melody wailing through the night air. 

This is a jumble of perhaps not very well connected or elaborated ruminations about trains.  Perhaps I will let it rest as I surrender to the arms of Morpheus myself, and return to it anon, to read through with more clear mind and judge whether it is worthy of posting or abandoning.  The train rolls on in the distance and I am pulled to sleep....

...and the following night, I have returned, read through these thoughts, and deemed them strong enough to stand. Jumbled and disconnected though they may be, I shall publish them.  Another train calls out its song in the distance, this one southward bound, rushing into the dark to grace the mountains with its chant along the tracks, its whistle smoky and drifting out through the night.  That is the interconnecting thread, the train song that trills ever onward.