Friday, October 1, 2010

Live YOUR Life

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A couple days ago, I experienced a very unpleasant situation online, on Facebook. It was in a peripheral manner but still disturbing. In a nutshell, I had clicked to Like/Follow a new page that is quite successful for a specific product that I use. The owner of the page appears to be quite successful, with thousands of followers. I thought, "Okay, why not? A lot of people I know follow him."

Less than an hour later, one of his posts hit my wall. It contained what can only be described as a poisonous diatribe...a vicious, supercilious, holier-than-thou attack on someone who had interacted with this man on some earlier thread on his Facebook wall. I am not going to disclose the Facebook page or names of anyone involved. The personal attack this person perpetrated was long, involved, ugly and full of a confusing, garbled message that after reading, left me wondering what had riled him up so badly. He took pains to post what had been a fairly innocuous conversation and proceeded to ridicule, lambast and accuse this other person of outright heinous behavior. What I saw from my end was a woman who had written a thoughtful, fair minded and relatively mild comment that didn't agree 100% with this man's perspective.

In response to his attack and his blatant act of putting her on Facebook blast to his readers, she took the High Road and apologized in a sincere manner. She addressed his points, stood her ground in a polite manner, but also took pains to express that if any insult was given, that wasn't her intention. His reaction was to write what I would describe as an Epic reply....we're talking paragraph after paragraph (more than 15 paragraphs, in fact - I stopped counting and reading at 15) of ranting, snide remarks and insulting, ugly comments about this woman's intelligence. It was simply disturbing. I went so far as to write a short comment in the thread that I found nothing incendiary about the statement that caused the whole ruckus, but then I bowed out.

What is my point? Well, if I can say anything about this whole mess, it is that I often wonder why so many people insist on living someone else's life for them. That is exactly what this guy was doing. By attempting to bludgeon someone else into bowing down to you just to keep the peace, by reacting in outrage and an attacking manner to force that other person to adopt your opinion, all you are doing is trying to step right into that person's life and take over. News Flash to those of us who behave in that manner....YOU DO NOT BELONG THERE!! Step back into your own body, your own life and your own arena.

My Grandmother Reagan was quite fond of telling all of us grandkids (there are 27 of us) when we were small and falling victim to the need to exhibit anywhere near that type of behavior, "Stay on your own back porch and tend your own backyard. That will keep you PLENTY busy!" Sage words, my friends.

What joy could it possibly bring another human being to behave in such a churlish, vindictive, antagonistic and public manner towards someone they've never met face to face??? It is beyond my ability to comprehend, but it was quite clear in that thread that this guy was LOVING what he was doing. Thankfully, one of my friends had recently posted on his wall the way to UnLike a page on Facebook, and I wasted no time zipping over to his wall to find that thread, copy the directions and delete that man's Fan Page from my wall. I do not ever want that level of toxic energy around me.

There was a bright side to the whole drama. I sent a private message to the lady that was the victim of this scenario, offering my own opinion and support. She wrote back and we struck up what appears to be the beginning of a very nice friendship. File this under the category of one of my older, archived posts, "It's 'Funny' How". Sometimes wonderful things result from the strangest, most unlikely, occasionally unpleasant circumstances. Happily, this was such a moment, and I look forward to getting to know this new friend better in the coming days.

Am I saying that we should never offer our own opinions about anything? That we should stand meekly and mutely by as a friend, or even a complete stranger walks directly into the path of an oncoming bus (literally or figuratively)? Absolutely not. I am not saying either of those things. There's a handy word to apply here and it is 'prudence'. If you read Healing Morning blog often, then you already know I'm a fan of the dictionary, so here's what Webster has to tell us about prudence:


1. The ability to govern and discipline oneself by the use of reason (

I think we all can agree that there is no way on Earth that someone can exercise prudence when they're occupied with the egotistical tantrum this man was throwing out on his Facebook wall. I cannot speak for him or what wound him up to such an irrational level. Clearly, there were emotional triggers that were tripped for him and he just dove right into the thick of it, wallowing around, pulling it close like a favorite teddy bear, enjoying the whole drama of it all. To my way of thinking, this did nothing to serve him well. It shined a very harsh light on him and actually made him look and sound petty, vengeful and childish. My newfound friend, however, stepped firmly into loving, forgiving and conciliatory energy, forgave, apologized and then walked away.

It is human nature to want to slap back at someone when they attack us. This situation went beyond anything as simple as an attack and slipped over the edge into character assassination. Nothing good can result from that type of dark, ugly energy. I predict that this person [perpetrating the attack] more than likely lives in a constant state of turmoil, has endless disappointments and often wonders why nothing ever goes his way. If he could step outside of himself for a wee span of time and watch his behavior from this whole episode, he might truly be appalled at the negative energy he was spewing. He might, just maybe, recognize that he is creating his own reality...and a grandly negative one at that.

I don't know his history or what has made him such an unhappy person inside that he has to resort to publicly tearing another person down to derive some sense of self. It is saddening to me, to be honest, that this man walks such a negative path. Granted, this was a small, isolated window into his world, so perhaps I am painting him with an unfair and broad brush. I have found, however, that that type of aggressive, angry energy blasted in such a public manner tends to indicate ingrained, habitual behavior. I can only wish peace towards him and remove myself, which I have done.

It generally comes from a vast sense of dissatisfaction that someone is motivated to thrust themselves so forcefully into another person's life in this way. If you're happy with yourself, content with your beliefs and perspective, you will have little to no need to force anyone to believe, think or feel as you do. That's because you're tending your own yard, staying on your own back porch and living your own life. It sounds so simple, right? For some of us, it is. For many of us, it comes easy. For many, it is hard fought and hard won, this realization that living your own life is the quickest and surest way to happiness. It is when we stray from our own path and start meddling with others, telling them how to live, that we come to grief and cause some truly unnecessary, hurtful situations.

I know the road I choose to take. Yes, I stepped briefly into this whole scenario in an effort to soothe troubled waters. I'm a peacekeeper by nature, but not to such a degree that I will charge militantly into someone else's space and forcefully inflict my opinions. When it was clear that nothing could mitigate the situation at hand, I, too, walked away. But I wasn't alone....I had a new friend walking with me. So, again, it really is 'funny how' Life throws us these unexpected moments of startling beauty in the midst of a tangled mess!

Accountability is another good word to partner up with practising restraint, respect and prudence. I agree with my beloved Granny Reagan that staying in my own backyard and living my own life keeps me plenty busy on any given day. I find that I resonate and enjoy spending time with other wonderful people who embrace this concept, because in general, they are happy Souls. Certainly, we all have bad days where we slip up, but I find that I can detect that bright light shining from within that other person when they are tending their backyard, keeping their porch clean and neat and authentically living their own lives.

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 The harmony of someone who is emotionally well balanced is obvious and joyous to be around. It's a daily choice...sometimes a moment by moment one...but as I said earlier, I know which road I want to be on. And I know the type of people with whom I prefer to interact. My own Light recognizes you all, you know.

Your Light is a beacon and you make a difference in this world when you step forward in Conscious Thought, Conscious Love and the decision to Live YOUR Life.


  1. Minding my own business is a full time job.

    Mind your own plate and let everyone eat their plate.

    The same sage advice your grammy gave, was given to me. I'm content with me, my beliefs, my path (spiritual and earthly) I am not supposed to judge anyone else's path. I use that idea to listen, rather than speak (though from my blogs you'd think I spoke a lot) and by listening using that time to try to understand the person speaking. Their path isn't mine...they have learned what I haven't or may know something new I never dreamed of.

    This is the second such message I've read today...the other was a post Irma made about being "unfriended". The older I get the less I see worth a violent (verbal or physical) that guy did. The older I get the more grace I want to give people to be in their own path, in their own space. I'll be praying for that guy. I feel like he has issues, and it isn't with anyone but himself.

    Namaste my beloved sistah!

  2. Wow, it sounds like he was an egotistical man who was serving himself in taking pleasure at belittling some one else in order to elevate himself and his ego. Very sad but as you said you made a new friend. maybe you should copy and paste this and send him this posting bringing him some of your light.

    Much Love and Light to you,

  3. Lise, I loved your comment about give people Grace to walk their own path. Beautifully spoken, sister! I did a lot of praying for that individual too, and for myself to take the sick feeling out of my heart. I'm focusing now on the positives and that as I re-read the post, I find myself smiling by the end of it. That's always my goal when I write, to end on an uplifting note. Thanks, lovey, for visiting, reading and commenting!

    Deanne, yep, the new friendship was the Golden Side Benefit! Lucky me, right?! Blessings are everywhere if we choose to recognize them, I think. :)

    Love to you both!


  4. interesting blog. my boss i work under sorta falls into the category. i use the term "work place bully", but know she must be miserable inside. i love your grandmoother reagan's wisdom. she was and is so right on.
    xoxo janie

  5. Interesting post to say the least my friend! I am often amazed at how often people attempt to bend other's way of thinking to their own. Are we not all individual? We all have thoughts and opinions and just because our way of thinking doesn't agree with someone else's certainly does not give others the right to cause such a ruckus! I see this sort of thing a lot on facebook however. It gets under my skin. I totally agree that we should all be worried about our own homes as it were and less worried about someone else's. Excellent post my friend!~ Hugs, mitzi

  6. Janie, I hate that you deal with that type of energy at your place of work. I've been there, honey, many times over the years! While I think we all recognize that hateful behavior clearly comes from unhappy, unbalanced personalities, that doesn't make it any easier for you to have to deal with difficult energy on a daily basis at work. Sending you LOTS of loving, protective prayer, energy and Light to wrap around you, darling heart!

    Mitzi, yep, it was dismaying to me to witness the whole drama. From what this new friend tells me, a full week later this guy is STILL beating a dead horse and blasting her over and over on his wall, re-posting the thread and wallowing in the sick joy of it all. I suggested to her that she report it to Facebook because it is now completely out of control. Forgiving, apologizing and walking away have been done on her end, but he's not stopping. At this point, it's not wrong for her to take some sort of punitive action. At the end of the day, I'm just glad I was able to write the frustrations out of my heart into a blog. From what I'm hearing, this one hits home for just about everyone. Life is just full of unhappy people, unfortunately. The good news is that there are just as many, if not more, happy Souls who do shine brightly!

    Love to you both!


  7. Some people just get off on this sort of energy. It empowers them (or at least it makes them feel empowered) even as it demonstrates just what type of person they really are.

    The people who see it, however, hopefully are aware enough that it will come back to bite him, in spades.

    Has this apparently lost him any other followers? Because if it hasn't, then either people "like" him but aren't paying attention to him, or he's surrounded by sycophants.

    I hope he's lost a bunch.

  8. When a person puts down another it is to feed their complex issues or to feed their ego.
    What goes around comes around as well!

  9. Dave, apparently people are blind to his arrogance. I saw a lot of people agreeing w/ his rant, as disjointed and bizarre as it was, they were all cheering him on. Well, not all, but the majority were and it made me ill to read it. Mob mentality can be very unpleasant. He has a product that many people purchase, so I guess they're willing to overlook his arrogance, or there just really are a lot of sick people out there who get off on that type of turmoil and conflict. He lost me as a follower, that's all I can say. And as rare as it is for me to wish a negative towards anyone, I agree with you - I hope he's lost a lot of followers too.

    Savira, honey, such true words you speak! I'm just thankful that person isn't in my immediate circle of influence and that I was able to easily detach, separate and walk away. I want people like you and all the other awesome friends who have commented here to be the ones that touch my life directly. :)

    Love to you both!