Friday, December 30, 2011

An ephemeral equation

www.flickr.com/photos/monster/466981669/
We're approaching the end of 2011 and I've taken time to glance back through my blog archives for the year.  Compared to the previous two years, 2011 was a slower pace of blog writing for me.  The year itself was quite full of challenges on myriad levels, and that's where my focus and energy went.  While I've never been one to embrace the concept of blogging daily, I do prefer to write more often than I ended up accomplishing this year.

This post isn't about typical New Year Resolutions.  I've shared my thoughts on that topic many times since I began blogging (Just Say No!, Healing Morning 12/27/2010), so I won't revisit here.

What I want to concentrate on is recent events.  I mentioned in my last post that life has improved slightly for me.  As a freelance writer, I live a constant roller coaster ride with keeping work in the pipeline, keeping my name in constant circulation with networking groups and attending as many of those networking functions as I can.  With that much activity happening on a monthly basis, you would think that work would be flowing with no problem.  I would think that too, but it wasn't the case for the year of 2011.  I have been through difficult, challenging times before, but I can truthfully say that 2011 rates right up at the top of the list of tough times experienced.

Why am I talking about this?  Because somehow, in the midst of a truly scary time where I couldn't imagine things improving, they did.  This is a quote from my last post:

"I have also just recently weathered some rather trying times where I wasn't sure how I would get from one day to the next.  The darkness that accompanied those challenges was quite intense and looking back, I have no idea how I managed to maintain even a wee shred of optimism and belief that good experiences were in my personal pipeline.  Somehow, though, deep within me, I did hold onto that small flame of belief.  That small flame of pure love, of pure healing, of pure manifestation....it all rested deep within me, despite the trying times."  With a Bright Spirit, Healing Morning 11/30/2011
I've been pondering this for the last several weeks, and even spoke of the whole experience with several friends.  What strikes my immediate consciousness so strongly is this:  somehow, despite all the fears, all the weariness, all the sense of self-defeat and borderline hopelessness, something within me stubbornly refused to give up.  Somehow, some small spark of Life continued to fight the battle mentioned above and I presented enough belief to manifest a new contract.  Let me stress that the environment of this new contract is as close to ideal as I can imagine.  No small wonder, that, as I did sit down and write out those particulars more than once during 2011.  What I speak of is sometimes called Life Mapping, where we write out our wishes and dreams for a specific purpose, then release the request with all its attendant specific details to God/Universe/Spirit.

I've done that many times in my life, and I admit that there was usually a healthy dose of doubt in the practice.  This is rather amusing, considering that I believe in the concept for others wholeheartedly.  It was for myself that I held back, that I entertained doubts and allowed niggling voices of insidious poison to creep in.  That being said, I reference the above quote from my previous blog post and share the fact that something within me did persevere and refuse to completely give up.

Speaking with a dear friend on the phone during the week leading up to Christmas 2011, I talked about this realization and said, "Knowing that I was able to manifest such a wonderful result with this new work contract in the midst of such doubt, imagine what I can manifest NOW, as I am in a state of new awareness and absolute belief!"

That's magical and very powerful, that realization.  Universal Law, for those of you who embrace the concept, dictates focusing on those good, positive feelings.  Study the emotions and memorize how it feels to be in a space of abundance and happiness, so that you can replicate that feeling again and again.

This is challenging for many of us, staying in that positive emotion, and I am no different.  My childhood mantra regarding finances is one that has programmed a negative energy for most of my adult life.  This is where I am focusing daily energy to shift that pattern and change the programming.  I am focusing on how I feel each day of this new work contract.  I am minutely dissecting how it feels to be happy, to have money flowing into my daily existence, to know that security is being established.  I am doing this so that I can amplify these emotions and project them outward so that this energy continues in a looping manner, bringing more of the same to my life on a regular and continuing basis.  The challenge of this mindset is that it is an ephemeral equation.  Belief is at its core, and happiness and positive emotions are the fuel. It is not a tangible thing at first.  Tangible results DO occur, but the belief and positive emotions must exist first.

At a holiday party, the question was asked of us to talk about not a resolution for 2012, but of something we wanted to embrace for ourselves on a purely personal level.  My thought was part of what prompted this very blog post, as I said that I had been thinking of how we behave as children.  If any child is loved, they have an inalienable sense of entitlement in the purest manner.  They simply believe that good things will happen and they believe that they deserve those good and delightful things.  If there is one thing I can say with absolute certainty, it is that I am loved in this life.  By friends and family, my life is richly blessed with love.  Somewhere along the way, however, I lost some of that childlike sense of entitlement to receive good and positive blessings.  Please note that I use the word "entitlement" in a positive manner, as it can carry negative connotations.  What I am speaking of is that manner children have of believing in magic.  I write about it quite often and I still carry a firm belief that magic exists, but I was also putting up roadblocks to receive good and positive blessings for myself.  I am in the process of recapturing the sense of how that feels....that sense of entitlement in the purest, most innocent and faithful manner.  Faith and belief are key words here.

So, if there is anything even remotely approaching a New Year's Resolution for me in 2012, it is to continue to give daily thought to amplifying and projecting my current level of success so that it can continue and increase in ways I have yet to imagine.  I remind myself of my comment above to my girlfriend that so much more is possible.  Limits are things we impose on ourselves out of fear.  That much I know to be true, and it's something that I've excelled at over a lifetime...getting in my own way.  I choose, now, to excel at getting OUT of my own way and existing in abundance.  I know it is possible.  I am living the result of my own wee kernel of belief that refused to be extinguished during the travails of 2011.  I believe that that wee kernel of belief, that tiny flame that flickered valiantly in the midst of a great big boatload of darkness can be stoked.  As I write this, in my mind's eye that tiny flame is growing into a nice, healthy bonfire.  It warms my hands and face as the flames rise.  Rather than being a destructive force, this is the kind of flame that does not consume in a negative manner.  Or perhaps it does....perhaps the consuming is of those negative thoughts.

Whatever the case, it is clear to me that I can build this fire.  I can increase my own prosperity.  I can embrace the belief that I deserve success in multiple areas of my life.  I can release my death grip on doubt and fear.

Many years ago, I was given a writing assignment to come up with a definitive sentence to describe what I wanted out of my immediate experience.  This was the sentence that I came up with:

"I want to be like the fluffy seeds of the dandelion puff.....releasing from ties that bind me to a single existence to ride the winds of Life and be unafraid of where those winds will take me."
 I find that sentence, that statement of intent to be a good one for the New Year of 2012.  To all of you who continue to visit me here at Healing Morning and offer so many beautiful comments on what you find here, I wish you a beautiful New Year full of blessings.

28 comments:

  1. This post resonates so strongly for me. I, too, ride that roller coaster of freelancing doubt! But looking back, I realize that things always have a way of working out...and as I recently wrote in my own post, I am feeling more optimistic for 2012 than I've felt in a long time.

    Thanks for this post Dawn! It reminds all of us to breathe and believe as we walk forward down the unknown road. Many blessings to you in 2012!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank you Dawnie, and a huge ALIEN to you. 2012 is going to be about claiming me, and what form that takes remains to be seen. Mucho love, and love your post <3

    ReplyDelete
  3. Debbie, I look forward to reading your own post about this concept! I agree with you that things do have a way of working out. My goal is to have a stronger sense of security, rather than always tiptoeing along a crumbling precipice before things work out. I don't see a need to continue to exist in pending crisis as I have been doing for most of my life. I'm feeling more optimistic for 2012 also, and I smile to read your comment of that same thought!

    Namaste' and blessings to you in return! <3

    Dawn

    ReplyDelete
  4. Tinker, ALIEN right back at you, chickadee! I love the thought of reclaiming self in 2012. That's very powerful, as I recognize how we do tend to give parts of ourselves away on a regular basis without even being fully aware of doing so. I know you'll soar, sister-mine. Your wings are already there; they just haven't been used in a while. I'll look for you in the clouds. :) <3

    - Dawnie

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hi Dawn,
    I wish you a very happy new year, may all your wishes come true this year. Loved those 4 statements you wrote in bolds and 3 quotes in italics :) I kinda relate myself with this post in some aspects of writing. God bless :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. Shreya, I wish you an equally beautiful and blessed New Year in return! I'm glancing at my Revolver Maps images and seeing where the pinpoint of light is that represents you on the planet - I love that gadget! I'm glad you found something of value with this post. I've been turning the thoughts over in my mind for the whole month of December and everything finally coalesced into a blog post. The challenge is to continue in this same mindset for 2012 and not get so distracted that I lose the thumbprint of the energy I'm currently experiencing.

    Big hugs to you, sweetheart! <3

    - Dawn

    ReplyDelete
  7. Oh, your words so struck a resonating chord with me! I, too, struggled for years with fear and doubt, but have, like you, broken down my own barriers to the freedom and joy of life.
    I love your sentence about the dandelion; it captures the entire essence of your reflection.
    May you find blessings in abundance in the new year!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Martha, thank you for the lovely comment! I like the dandelion thought as well; the mental image it produces conveys exactly the sense of freedom that I want to embrace. I wish you blessings in abundance in 2012 also!

    - Dawn

    ReplyDelete
  9. Dawn... 2011 has been rough for many including myself...I have struggled with doubt...and fear the last year never knowing and afraid of the UNKNOWN... This year taught me something.... 'to flow' simply flow with the tides... This has made that inner light stronger and brighter...
    2012 will bring it another ride of a different or similar kind but I know now that I can just flow because like the stream of water it can never stand still.... Have a great New Year
    FYI A Purple Journey exist no more...

    ReplyDelete
  10. Savira, I'm smiling as I read your words. Water flowing, or a dandelion seed floating on the currents of the wind...the analogies are lovely. And the strong truth is that life just isn't stagnant, ever, unless or until we pass from this stage to the next. Even then, we don't stop. I'm getting better with allowing that flow to do what it is meant to...just gently or briskly move forward. It appears we've learned similar lessons from 2011. I look forward to what we both learn, experience and live in 2012.

    Love to you, dear girl.

    - Dawn

    ReplyDelete
  11. Dear Dawn - Thank you for sharing this...it just reaffirms my own beliefs. I love your definitive statement for the year ...wishing you all you need to make 2012 most meaningful. ♥

    ReplyDelete
  12. Very true, Dawn. I agree with the huge bulk of your statements. Belief and faith - those are the key.

    Happy new year. May it be a prosperous year for you.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Corinne, I love when thoughts resonate and give affirmations in multiple directions! I wish you equal blessings and happiness for 2012, my dear friend.

    - Dawn

    ReplyDelete
  14. TheChronicR, yes, belief and faith are key. That sounds so easy at first glance, but they can be challenging at any given moment. I am striving to embrace that easier acceptance in my life. Thank you for visiting, and I wish you a prosperous 2012 in return. :)

    - Dawn

    ReplyDelete
  15. Dawnie!

    This is a lovely post, and I am so happy that the year has ended on such a positive note for you. I wish everybody could keep that positive attitude in their heads.

    Your posts are always so inspiring.

    Just one thing, and this could totally be me not understanding, but I was confused by all the 2010 references. Shouldn't they all be 2011?

    Or am I missing something?

    Loving you! Hope you have a great New Year's tonight.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Dave-baby! Okay, first of all....serious EEEGAD, EEEPS and DANG on the repeated 2010 goofs up there. The reference on the "Just say NO!" blog post was meant to read 2010, but the rest of it should be 2011, so thank you for bringing that oversight to my attention. Just goes to show what happens when I write on very little sleep and post w/out taking an hour away, then coming back w/ fresh eyes to check for such mistakes. It is amazing to me how we can be blind to that many mistakes and just happily click to publish!!

    All is revised and correct now. Happy New Year to you in return, my dear friend. :)

    - Dawnie

    ReplyDelete
  17. I'm very familiar with that feeling, hon. So don't sweat it. :)

    ReplyDelete
  18. Dawn, my sweet honey pie of an optimist, you are such a good example to the rest of us to NEVER give up. I love your honesty and stubborn resilience... It will be rewarded!

    Someone was talking to me about dandelion fuzz just yesterday. I think I need to ponder the simple dandelion a bit more;) I love it when the universe speaks to me like this.

    I'm excited to see what great blessings the New Year has in store for all of us. We must keep on working toward our goals and listening to that inner small voice.

    Love and Hugs,
    Leah

    ReplyDelete
  19. Leah, I love the "stubborn resilience" comment! I admit to having a healthy dose of stubborn in my personality, and I don't call it a negative trait. I so enjoyed that impromptu phone call last month; I vote we try to do that monthly!

    I run across the dandelion puff quite often, in photos, in reading, etc. There's something very spiritual about it to my eye. Thank you for visiting, chickadee! <3

    With love,

    - Dawnie

    ReplyDelete
  20. Dawn, I have something for you but you have to pick it up. It's on my blog;)

    ReplyDelete
  21. Dawn, you always write with such honesty! I love it. The past few years have been a challenge for me and I'm still being challenged, so I can definitely relate. I'm so glad that things are looking up for you and it gives me hope that my uncertain path will also be made clear.

    I look forward to seeing what 2012 and beyond holds for us all. Blessings to you dear friend!

    http://lyricfire.typepad.com/lyric-fire/2012/01/lyric-fire-soul-diving-partial-poempart-confession.html

    ReplyDelete
  22. Hi, Dawn! ~

    Happy New Year! So nice to 'meet' you and thank you for visiting my blog ;-)

    Hope 2012 is continuing to BLESS & INSPIRE you! Go Gurrrllll!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  23. I'm finally coming to understand that it's okay to feel like I "deserve" success. It's confidence to feel that way. Not in the sense that I should have it no matter what (that I feel entitled, because I don't), but the understanding that it's okay to accept the success that comes from hard work.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Tameka, what lovely words you give me! Honesty with writing is always the goal, despite the fact that it often leaves us very transparent. I wish you equal new beginnings that lift you up, honey. 2012 feels very positive to me, in comparison to the admitted struggles of 2011. Blessings to you in return!

    Much love,

    Dawn

    ReplyDelete
  25. Linda, thank you for visiting in return! Isn't the blog-o-sphere such an interesting way to connect to people?! I look forward to getting to know you better, my dear one.

    - Dawn

    ReplyDelete
  26. J.R., I appreciate your thoughts on this topic. I think we all have wrestled a time or two with the sense of self and accepting success, or praise, or any good thing in general and believing we deserve it. It is a thought that I continue to dance with, and most days I find that my energies have shifted permanently to a much more receptive state that feels good. Thank you for visiting! :)

    - Dawn

    ReplyDelete
  27. Leah, my darling girl, I haven't forgotten you and I so appreciate you enjoying my work enough to recognize me in your award process. I'll be in touch as I respond to that honor.

    Loving you, chickadee!

    - Dawnie

    ReplyDelete
  28. Dawn, that was beautifully written. I think that it is so natural for us to get into a low point in our lives. I think we need to do that to kinda rebirth ourselves to write the next chapter of our lives. I'm happy to hear that you are blessed with much LOVE and that you are working on new manifestations for 2012. :)

    ReplyDelete

ShareThis