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Not crisis....opportunity

Kanji symbol for Crisis
www.japanese.about.com

Many who follow me here at Healing Morning are aware that I often am inspired by various quotes that I read.  Today's post is such a moment.  I read the following this morning:

In Japanese, the symbol for crisis is made up of two symbols, one means danger and the other one means opportunity. There is SUCH wisdom there. - Mastin Kipp, The Daily Love

I liked the thought so much that I shared the quote on my Facebook page.  I took care to say, along with the post, that I'm not in crisis, but that I did find this comment to be valuable. Life is so much about the manner of perspective.


Another homily is that with age comes wisdom.  I reflect quite a lot about those things I wish I had known in my younger years.  Of course, we are all meant to live our mistakes and learn from the living itself.  We become a sum of our experiences and it is to be hoped that we take conscious note of strong lessons, modify our behaviors and strive to become better versions of ourselves.


Change is a given on this Earth School.  We don't live in a static environment.  Earth itself is constantly changing, morphing, stretching and breathing.  Those endless life cycles exist on a moment by moment basis.  I can get myself into a spiral of existential thought very easily, pondering these concepts!


When we consider that we are never the same person on a moment by moment basis, if we truly wish it, we can change.  With every breath, we are given that opportunity.  


So, is crisis a bad thing?  It's certainly not fun to experience.  This quote above, however, is polarizing for me.  I focus conscious thought each day on how I reflect to the world around me.  I also put a lot of effort into NOT being a mindlessly, emotionally reactive person.  This is not to say I'm lacking in emotion...far from it!  I do choose to be mindful of my behavior.  I want to respond in a fashion that serves not only me, but others, and if I am constantly reacting from that mindless emotional state, then I am guilty of creating chaos.  I may be more sensitive to the energy of chaos than others, I may not be.  I just know that I don't enjoy the sensation of it.  Some do, and they thrive in that jangling, unsettled energy.  I prefer to find order and a sense of calm, and I do find it is possible to reach that state even in the midst of crisis.


The concept of the Japanese symbol for the word "crisis" providing a second option for opportunity resonates strongly for me.  From a common sense perspective, if something isn't working, we can either fight it and dig in to keep change from happening, or we can be open to change.  I will never lie and say that I am a fan of change!  Indeed, I spent a great deal of my younger years doing that digging in and being stubborn, clinging on to the familiar out of fear and resistance.  And I can honestly say that this is when the true definition of crisis would always rear its head.  Most likely, I caused myself much unnecessary trauma, pain and grief, but I had to live that level of discomfort repeatedly before I finally awakened to the thought that there might be another, better-feeling way.


These days, I look at things differently.  While I still don't enjoy change, or endings, I have a different perspective regarding both.  I am currently in yet another transition period.  Being a freelance writer means I exist in that state quite often, going from one contract to the next, sourcing new connections to always keep new opportunities in my personal pipeline.  Right now, I'm in the quiet stage where I tend to reflect and review what I've recently experienced.  This reflection allows me to decide how to focus my thoughts and energies for the future.  While being between paying jobs can present a huge opportunity for fear based thoughts and panic to set in, I choose to instill appreciation for what I now call a Resting Phase.  See how two simple words, and the emotions they convey, "fear/panic" change completely when replaced with "appreciation/resting"?  Even writing the comparison, I find my whole body and emotional state have an instantaneous response.  


So, here I am, in transition......and opportunity.  Rather than considering the end of a work contract as reason for panic and crisis, I've shifted my perception to view it as opportunity.  I'm taking time to appreciate my recent work experience so that I can extend that energy to God/Universe/Spirit and request more of the same, or better, energy to manifest.  This conscious choice that I make produces a happy feeling.  A warm glow of intent.  A sense of calm, that all is well in my personal world.

I find it delightful that God/Universe/Spirit chose to drop the quote from Mastin Kipp into my line of sight today.  It always makes me smile when I am given a nudge, a wink and a friendly reminder that yes, I'm doing okay.  I'm taking this resting phase to do some thinking, some organizing (that part isn't fun) and some dreaming.  I have some creative projects on the horizon that I'm excited to implement.  I don't know when or where or how my next work contract will manifest, but I am confident that it will.  Because of this, fear and crisis aren't words I embrace these days.  Opportunity.....now that's a word I do embrace!  Perspective, my friends.  Life is an endless opportunity for us to shift our perspective.  

Celebrate failure

While I am completely familiar with the concept that sometimes not getting what you want is a blessing in disguise, I have to admit that some disappointments sting more than others. I recently was involved in an interview process for a job that I wanted badly. It meant a move to Chicago from East Tennessee and changing my whole life, leaving behind immediate family, friends and an area that I deeply love. The flip side of that coin was a job opportunity that, I felt, was written with me, my heart, my skills, my everything, in mind. I made the cut from 120+ candidates down to the top 3 and in the end, the company chose a different person to fill the position.

I won't lie - part of me was relieved. I've done those big, involved moves before, going to larger cities and the whole process is exhausting. At the same time, it is fun and exhilarating to make that extreme change, learn a new area, meet new people and build a whole new life for yourself. Having done it several times before, I knew I could do it again and be quite happy. I felt that being a bit conflicted inside was just a natural reaction to the possibility of that large and dramatic a change being on the horizon once again.

Well, the news that I wasn't the candidate chosen, while in some ways a relief, was also incredibly frustrating. I was disappointed, then I was downright pissed for at least a day. I wrote to a few close friends, with most of them not bothering to even respond to the emails (big lesson learned there, but a topic for a different blog), and one friend in particular making a comment that literally jarred me. In a good way. His response to my news of not getting the job was, "What great news!" I think I sat there and goggled in surprise at that statement for a few minutes, because it wasn't anywhere near the response I was expecting. I went on to read the rest of his response and am printing it word for word here, because this friend has some wonderful wisdom to impart.

"What great news! Why? Well, because something out there has your name on it and it is not the Chicago company. It is something well beyond your ability to even ask or think... so think big and expect it. It will come when you are ready for it and it will perfect your talent, you'll write about it and it will sell you to your awaiting contracts."

By "contracts" my friend Jeff meant the fact that I'm a freelance technical writer, and as such, am always in hot pursuit of that next contract. That aside, his words made me pause and change my whole perspective on the topic of not getting what we want. I really do know that that's not always the worst thing that can happen - and that, as I said above, it can be a blessing in disguise. This particular friend has this wonderful ability to inject so much positive energy, enthusiasm and sincere appreciation into his words that I wanted to share his wisdom with anyone who reads this blog.

The lesson here is to celebrate failure, as it clearly brings you that one more step closer to your heart's desire. If, however, you choose to get mired down in bitterness, disappointment and moping, you're going to block all that wonderful positive energy from manifesting in your life as efficiently as it is meant to. I don't think that honest disappointment is a bad thing, as long as we don't wallow in that emotional state indefinitely. I was fortunate enough that the one friend who did respond to my news about not landing that job had the perfect words to basically kick my butt in the kindest, most loving way possible, and lift me up in the process. The lifting up part was figuratively a boot up the backside to knock some good old mountain wisdom into my head, and the extra benefit was that I lost the grumpy, gloomy outlook and was immediately full of smiles and positive energy. That is a rare gift to be able to impart and I value this person's ability to be that loving.

Yes, I would have loved to have landed that job in Chicago. It sounded fun, interesting, challenging....everything that I look for in a work environment. But, what a wonderful concept to embrace that as wonderful as that job description was, there is something so much MORE wonderful...richer, rewarding, lucrative, enjoyable and abundant heading my way. This is the unexpectedly sweet lesson to be learned from failure, and an imminently logical reason to celebrate that moment of failure for the very clear road sign that it is....that failure isn't a negative.

One of my favorite scientists to quote is Thomas Alva Edison. Here is a quote he made about failure that I find to be very apropo to this blog:

"I have not failed. I have just found 10,000 ways that did not work."

I like Edison's, and Jeff Nix's approach....celebrate failure, my friends. It means you're moving forward in life!

So, after fall cleaning, what now???

This is a follow up to my most recent post about fall cleaning and pruning of relationships that have reached an ending. To be honest, when I sat down to write that blog, I wasn't sure if I would wind up posting it. I wondered if it might be too confrontational and hit too closely on emotionally raw nerves for a lot of people. I walked away from the post a couple of times, but it kept pulling me back in, until finally, I finished writing it and posted it. To my surprise, I have had several responses already, from friends and new acquaintances, thanking me for giving voice to an admittedly difficult topic. Clearly, I did hit on a common nerve there, as this pruning of unproductive ties is fraught with emotions, fears, regrets and self-blame.

So, I sat and thought for a while, about my own experiences with this topic. It has only been perhaps the last 10 years of my life that I have come to a sense of peace about the cycles of friendship. I freely admit that for the first half of my life, I fought letting go of any and every relationship tooth and nail. I cried, I panicked, I overreacted, I wound myself into multiple tangled knots of emotional angst. Did any of this help or bring the relationship back into a current pattern in my life? Of course not. Did all of that wailing and gnashing of teeth serve any purpose at all, other than to make myself miserable? Probably not.

Don't get me wrong - I'm not saying we should ignore the grieving process that we all are faced with when a friendship comes to an end. This is a process that deserves your time and focus. Grieving is necessary to cleanse our souls, help our hearts heal as much as possible, and to process through myriad emotions. That being said, looking back, I can regard my past reactions with a large dose of amusment. If I could go back in time and speak to myself at those specific moments of experiencing loss, I would say to the person I was then, quite sincerely, that everything would be okay. The pain does come to an end, and as with all endings, eventually a point is achieved where happy memories rise to the surface more readily than the sad moments of loss.

So, how did I reach my current state of awareness with the whole process of accepting endings with much more equanimity and inward peace? It wasn't easy, that would be the first thing to admit. At some point, I ran across a comment that pointed out two choices - one was that I could choose to be resentful, angry, hurt and exist in a constant state of grieving for a relationship lost, i.e., I could, quite literally choose to exist in the past. The other choice was that I could choose to celebrate the time spent enjoying that person and the interaction of the friendship, tuck it away in a corner of my heart, and move forward and live my life. That rang a very loud bell for me, realizing that the choice was completely in my hands, and therefore, the emotional reaction was my responsibility also.

Yes, grief will be there when you end a relationship, as well it should. If you choose to celebrate the time you have with that person, or that job, or that group, and be thankful for the endless ways in which you grew as a result of the contact, it really does make the ending easier to accept. I would go so far as to say that embracing endings in an open, joyful manner can build a future reconnecting moment, when the timing is right for both of you.

Yes, you will wrestle with moments of guilt, you will question your decision - is this the right thing or wrong thing to do - you may even change your mind a couple of times before making permanent changes. All of these choices are completely okay. You are the only person who can know what feels right in any given situation. And believe me, you will recognize immediately when you have made that right choice - you will most likely feel a sense of relief and peacefulness inside as a result. I know that that is usually my reaction, although getting there can admittedly be a challenge at times.

I guess the most important thing to relate is to be kind to yourself. Have you ever given that some dedicated thought? We beat the absolute crud out of ourselves emotionally in ways that would appall us if we saw the same treatment being visited on a loved one. Navigating your way through life is tough. That is a plain and simple truth. Life itself is an endless series of beginnings and endings. Beginnings are usually fairly easy, fun and interesting. Endings, obviously, are a completely different scenario.

Treat yourself and your emotional health with the same amount of respect that you give to strangers, or colleagues. How's that for a concept?? Why not try being that much of a friend to yourself as well? I realize that that sounds so simplistic as to be annoying, but it is equally simple in truth.

If you are allowing yourself to remain in a relationship that has become toxic, that drags you down, that pulls your attention constantly into useless emotional negativity, you owe it to yourself and your own life path to put that relationship to an end. You cannot grow or progress on your own personal journey when you are indulging a relationship that hinders your growth. I would also go so far as to suggest it hinders the other person's growth as well. Another important bit of wisdom that I remember my Grandmother Reagan imparting to me at a very young age was that it isn't so much the situation itself that is so important - that moment is merely a catalyst. It is how you react to a given moment that defines you and your character.

So, long story short, in regard to the "What now?" question, I think the best advice is, quite simply, to live your life. Accept your frailties, your faults and your own part in the culmination of a relationship, congratulate yourself for undertaking one of life's more difficult challenges and seeing it through, and then live your life. Be happy. Celebrate the new beginnings that are approaching, because this much is certain....they are on their way to you daily. Believe in yourself and the choices you make. All will be well as a result.