It changed everything

The title of this blog post above is taken from a great newsletter email that I receive regularly.  A girlfriend told me about this website that sends affirmations that are tailored to your personal wishes and dreams.  The website is called Tut's Adventure Club.  You register with them, fill out a brief form and then you begin receiving these wonderful, positive, happy emails from The Universe.  I encourage anyone reading this post to check the website out at the link provided above. 

Now, to get back to my point.  Today's email from The Universe was as follows:

"Thanks, Dawn, for every single time you ever fell in love.  Whether or not it was obvious. Whether or not it lasted. And whether or not you were loved back.  It changed everything." Notes from The Universe

That was such an electrifying comment to me!  How beautifully simple and concise a thought to ponder.  We as humans are more apt to focus on the attendant baggage of love, aren't we?  "I loved him, but..."  or "It was almost perfect, except for..."  or "If only..."  or "What if..." Do any of these sound familiar? Who hasn't had at least one, if not all of those thoughts? It's so much easier to get distracted with all the detritus of a romantic relationship, and indeed, many of those details are very important and deserving of our focus. There is so much more, however, to remember from past relationships, with much of it being positive. 

This note from The Universe in my Inbox just stopped me in my tracks.  I call those "polarizing moments", where a thought, a book, a remark - something grabs your attention with such impact that you are literally forced to stop and ponder.  Personally, I love those moments.  They cause me to consider different angles and perspectives that I might not have reached as quickly if left to my own slower approach. I might end up not agreeing with the polarizing moment, I might not adopt that new perspective, but I always come away from those moments changed.  I always learn something new about myself.

How refreshing a perspective from which to view love.  If we're alive, we're going to meet people, fall in love, fall out of love, be blissfully happy, plumb the depths of despair and feel every minute facet, shade and nuance of love.  Love found, love lost.  The loves lost are usually ones that spark feelings of regret, anger...a whole boatload of negative emotions.  How freeing, may I say, is it to draw an imaginary mark on our personal journey or calendar and say that perhaps this is the moment that I learned to think about past loves in a completely different light?  I kind of like that idea.

We are all the sum total of our experiences - the good, the bad and the ugly.  Change an experience and you change who you are today.  Obviously, we can't turn back time and cherry pick the moments.  I think most of us can admit that the difficult times, difficult relationships and memories taught us valuable life skills.  "I'll never do THAT again!"  Right?!  I've had plenty of those epiphanic experiences, haven't you?  And I'm a more balanced, more richly evolved person as a result. 

Today, as a result of that lovely email from The Universe, I am reaping one of those unexpected lessons that I always find such a delight.  I've shifted my habitual tendency to view past loves with predominantly wistful perspective.  Mind you, I don't dwell in sadness or negative thoughts in regard to every single romantic relationship I've had - many of them make me smile when I look back. 

I just happened to feel very struck by the quote above - having loved anyone, anything, anytime, is never wasted or misplaced energy.  I have always firmly believed that to be written in stone fact.  I do not regret loving anyone.  I have, however, regretted some of the outcomes.  The above quote magically lifted that need from my heart - it is simply unnecessary.  Instead, I choose to focus, from this point forward, on the fact that by the simple, open hearted act of loving, this can be nothing but positive, uplifting and lasting.  Perhaps we might not see the repercussions and outward ripples of our moments of love, but they happen.  Perhaps we cannot reach into someone else's heart and change their perspective to just simply appreciate the fact that love was given and received.  Indeed, we can change nothing but our own perspective. I would suggest that by shifting how we feel about those past loves doesn't mean the bad stuff ceases to have happened - it just means that we can release some of the burden we've carried in relation to those past loves.

I am not, by any means, intimating that if you have lost a loved one to death, that you should not grieve that loss.  That is a process all its own and deserves your time and attention to reach a balanced point of acceptance.  I will say that I see, quite often, people who have become stuck in the grieving process to the point that that is who they become - "My name is...and I lost this person to death."  They cannot move beyond the grief to recognize that they are no longer the vibrant, wonderful person their loved one would wish them to be today.  So, I say this gently to everyone reading this post - if you have lost in love, whether it is because one person needed to move on apart from you, or whether it was from losing a loved one to death - think of shifting your perspective.

I'm sharing the quote above with you in the hopes that it gives you one of those moments to ponder that I experienced myself. It is up to you how you receive the statement and how you feel, think and react to it. One immutable point is this: if you have loved, you are/were existing in the most positive energy it is possible to feel on this planet. We cannot see love, except perhaps in the happy faces of the ones upon which we bestow this gift. Love isn't concrete or tangible to touch, unless maybe we're talking about loving touches, embraces, etc.

Rather than eternally grieving the loss of any love, endlessly looking back with regret, for anyone or anything, contemplate celebrating that love existed. Let me repeat that I am not writing this to tell anyone how to think or feel about love.  I was changed by the email message in my Inbox and wanted to share it with you. Celebrate that love has happened numerous times in your life and recognize it in a positive manner.  Be joyful! Love is an energetic presence.  It has a physical, lasting energy that never dies.

And that does change everything.

End of summer dance

I happened upon this photograph of a dandelion and was captivated by the perspective and the geometry that exists. When I was small, I could sit and gaze at a clover flower with much the same fascination, noting how the whole flower was composed of hundreds of smaller blooms clustered together. This particular photograph, depending on how your eye lands on it, looks like endless possibilities beyond the humble dandelion puff. My eye sees fireworks against a black night sky, exploding in lacey, dazzling plumes. Another glance shows me a marine sea creature, with tentacles floating in dark water, illuminated with soft phosphorescence. I also see a whirl of space, a nimbus cloud or galaxy perched quietly in a black void. I blink and now I see images that I created as a child with a Spirograph set that entertained me for countless hours with shapes and colors.

All of the above are evoked by one of nature's most humble flowers. Some might call it a weed, a nuisance in carefully constructed and ruthlessly pruned landscapes. Others might see the dandelion as a nutritious additon to salads and dinners. The most delightful aspect of all of this is that one little humble plant is so many things to so many people, spanning a range of beauty, practicality and annoyance. That is a lot to accomplish for one brief summer lifespan!

The analogy that comes to mind here is that all of us are just a slightly different version of that dandelion puff. We represent so many faces to the world. We are, at various times that brash, bright yellow flower, planting ourselves with pluck and courage in a brand new yard, daring to grow, plant roots and thrive. In that process, we subject ourselves to the possibility of getting ripped from that safe, cozy environment, or perhaps run the risk of getting mowed down on a regular basis, only to rise once again to the rays of the sun with new blossoms and glossy leaves outspread. At times, we become the mature culmination of the flower, turning into a soft, gray cloud with delicate, fragile limbs that are lifted up on the wind to drift away in gentle silence. Rather than a sad moment, this is one to celebrate, as the brief ending of that moment gives birth to a new life, new growth, new roots and flowering elsewhere in a new yard. Life, as we all know, is an endless series of starting over, growing and learning. Nature embraces this concept with quiet, calm and a sure march across the planet that we all share.

When I begin to feel the approach of change, I am often drawn to the dandelion's end of summer dance....fluffy white seeds being coaxed free to waltz and drift on the wind, casting fortune to the vagaries of errant breezes. My goal is to be that willing to go with the flow of a Divine purpose in my life, rather than dig my heels in and attempt to control where my own personal dandelion seed might land. This is an exercise of inner strength for me, as I learned long ago that releasing control is far more empowering. Studying the photograph above brings a sense of stability to the whole process that makes me smile. A simple flower exhibiting beauty and purpose at all stages of life.

Where am I in my own life, with my own putting down of roots, or perhaps ripping them up and moving forward in growth process, or riding the breezes of change? I am contemplating my own end of summer dance with curiosity and excitement to know what new stage is being set, what new flowering will occur. I would like to think that a portrait of my own purpose would invite as many different perspectives as the dandelion puff above, painting a mosaic of stories, images and emotions.

You let me be Me.

The above statement is one that a friend recently told me in a long, enjoyable phone conversation. I think that it has to be one of the most lovely compliments I have ever received. This particular friendship began early last summer while I was researching whether to go back to school and finish a degree. I was investigating online options for same and was assigned this guy as my advisor. The school option is currently tabled for a variety of reasons, but I suspect the true energy at hand was to connect me with this new person on a friendship level. Serendipity at its finest!

So, over the course of that lengthy phone chat, we were discussing mundane topics as well as deep, personal ones. At some point, my friend said, "You know, one thing I find to be of great value about you is that you let me be Me." I admit to getting a bit choked up as a result, because it was such a beautiful thing to recognize and to comment upon.

I think we have all had people in our lives who choose to not accept us for who we are. It seems to be a curious goal for many to change those in their personal sphere. The why of that escapes me. I don't know that I've ever wanted to change anyone to suit my own personal needs. I admit to choosing to to not spend time around people that rub me the wrong way - that is just a logical step to take. If, however, there is something that I don't love about someone, but I genuinely care about the person, that "don't love" trait doesn't matter all that much. I'm more interested in celebrating the happy coincidences, sharing ideas and growing from the relationships I engage in.

At times, those traits that conflict will provide equal chances for growth, and I make an concerted effort to be open to those moments. You honestly never know when a random connection will grow into a beautiful friendship. Therefore, rather than looking for carbon copies of myself, I find true joy in relationships that push me to look at life from sometimes wildly different perspectives. This particular friend I am referencing returns that same gift to me when we talk, as he is one of those rare birds as well....he lets me be Me. In fact, when I sit quietly and review those around me, I am humbled by the fact that I have quite of few of those rare birds that I claim as true friends. I think that partiuclar flock is growing exponentially of late.

So as to not sound as though I'm blowing my own horn overly much, let me state that I am far from a paragon of virtue. I have grumpy moments fairly often, and there are plenty of times I don't immediately recognize what is directly in front of me. At times, it takes me a while to discover those delightful nuances about a friend. We all hide our true selves to a great degree on a daily basis. Does this mean we don't ever really know the people we spend time with? That is very possibly true. It is also one of the great joys of life, that constant growth and discovery process that it gives to us as individuals. Do I show every person that crosses my path my deepest, hidden thoughts? Of course not. Do I engage deeply with every person I speak with on a daily basis? No, although I strive to make each connection an honest moment, and give it my full focus. In that manner, you could call it a deep connection.

It is logical to utilize those social masks in order to navigate your way through the chaos of any given day. If we all chose to walk around as open, raw wounds, spewing our fears, worries and challenges at every person we see, nothing would get accomplished. So, yes, those social masks serve a purpose to keep things and people on a sort of surface level. Occasionally, you will cross paths with a unique person who, despite that same type of social mask, radiates an energy that just makes you feel good.

I'm sure that upon reading that last sentence, someone pops immediately to mind for you. That person in the grocery store who always seems happy, or regularly offers a comment that just makes you smile. That co-worker who always seems to sparkle and exude a sense of calm even in the most chaotic, jumbled board room meetings. That friend who regularly makes statements that have you pausing and considering life from an angle that might not have occurred to you, and you always find yourself richer for that new perspective. These are people, I feel, who have chosen to approach life with a conscious thought process. They have made a conscious choice to be that best version of themselves possible each day.

Do they have fears, worries and problems at home? Of a certainty - we all do. These people, however, have reached a level of awareness that concentrating on positive thoughts serves them in an equally positive manner. I know, this probably sounds like Mary Poppins 101 to some of you. That was actually one of my nicknames in high school years - I seem to have always been determined to see the good side of life, people and situations. Does this mean I float around in a pink bubble of naive expectations? Not at all. It does mean that I choose to keep a firm grip on my rose colored glasses, that much I'll admit!

I have mused, often over the years, that we are born with those proverbial rose colored glasses and they're tinted a rich, deep hue. As we grow, learn and progress, layers do get peeled off those glasses. Some might suggest that by the time we reach adult status, those glasses are useless and the rose color has been ruthlessly stripped away. I disagree. My own glasses tend to have cycles where the rose color dims a wee bit here and there, but for the most part, they seem to retain a good strong pink tint. I like that about my glasses. I don't feel that this perspective causes me to view the world and people in an unrealistic manner. Quite the opposite, in fact. I feel that those proverbial glasses give me a decided edge. Cue this recent phone conversation with my friend who made that lovely statement, and I found myself gently reminded that with conscious thought and embracing vital differences in the people around us, we can give a gift of priceless value.

How wonderful to know I affected just one person in such a positive way, that he felt absolutely comfortable and at ease with opening up and being completely, authentically his true self when we speak. This offered me a mirror of myself and a nod from that Higher Power that, "Hey, you're doing a good job!" I know that I felt uplifted and happy as a result, which in turn let me know quite clearly that I'm on a straight path. As always, our emotions are that true reflection of how we're doing. I think I'm doing pretty well. I have built relationships that support me and encourage me in positive ways, allowing me to be my most authentic self. I have also remained open to new relationships, and as a result, my personal experiences are so rich and full of growth that I marvel at times.

When I have those days where the dark, brooding thoughts attempt to slide insidiously close, I recall this conversation with my good friend and remember who I am. By embracing others and being open to accepting them on an elemental level, the returning energy and experiences are enormous. The world opens up in a manner that is truly astounding, and you are given the same gift in return....to be your most authentic self. Pretty darned cool lesson to contemplate!