Space Between

photo:  www.berlinembroidery.com

I've been silent here for several months.  I began blogging in 2009 and am approaching my five year anniversary in a couple of months.  In the last eighteen months or so, my writing here has slowed significantly.  I was never into the posting 3-5 times a week concept with my blog, but it was rare for me to go several weeks without writing something.  Now it has become the norm for me to go several months between posting here.  I haven't stressed overly about that, as I accept that everything has an ebb and flow to it.

I don't foresee ever completely abandoning this space, or the Healing Morning concept.  I expect that it will morph and grow with me throughout my life.  For the nonce, I am in a quiet phase with Healing Morning.  It isn't that I have nothing to say here.  Some of my thoughts find their way into a manuscript that I am focused upon with the intent of being published.  Other thoughts are valid and worthwhile to be published here, but my heart is simply not into doing it on a frequent basis right now.

Cycles.  Life is a constant series of cycles, of starting over, of learning, of achieving and of moving on.  My current quiet cycle is one that happens to me every couple of years.  I go inward, sorting through my thoughts, surveying where I currently dwell, the people around me, the work I do, and how all of those factors impact me.  What is my emotional health as a result?  How is my heart feeling on a deep, visceral level?  Am I fulfilled?  Am I wishing for more in any area of my life?  And can I fulfill those wishes on my own, or are they better realized with my hand held by another?  The answers to these questions take time, and a strong dose of honesty.  I'm working my way through the questions and the answers.

This is where I am.  Reflecting.  Realizing that endings are imminent.  Good-byes are necessary.  Some have actually already occurred, and one very recently resonated right out of my immediate sphere on its own.  The relief with that one was pretty profound; although there is sincere love for that person still, I recognize that the energy between us was just not meshing in a productive manner any longer.  The other person felt it, also, and an ending occurred.  It was healthy for both of us, and it was time for it to occur.  Other potential endings are still being ruminated in my heart and my conscious mind. 

It's a curious thing, how the state of pause can be full of a large degree of energetic activity.  I am in a holding pattern, yet there is a great deal going on around me.  Those cosmic threads are out there in the universe, attracting other energies and weaving new fabric together.  My part in this is to sweep out a lot of cobwebs and let go of old, threadbare clothing that no longer fits, no longer serves, and be ready to clothe myself in this newly woven fabric as it returns to me with all the bright new threads.  Each color a new possibility, a new experience, new relationships, new emotions, new strengths....all to mesh with the Me that stands in all that I have lived to this point.  I don't have a clue where it all will lead.  

So, I remain quiet.  Words are a constant, but they might not always make it here into a published post.  All those colored threads within the words are still forming a reality that is on the brink of manifesting.  I am in that space between breaths, between heartbeats, between blinks of the eye, between thoughts.  In my mind's eye, I exist as a brightly colored wisp of misty vapor, drifting along the currents of my own emotions.  The day-to-day reality keeps me tethered to this Earth School so that I do not drift away completely, and so that I have a path to retrace and come back to self.  Back to the here and now.  Back to that space between.  Back to that moment before the next beating of my heart, where possibilities are hovering, waiting to engage and be realized.