Thursday, June 30, 2011

Silence is near

Leonardo da Vinci's
Head of a Woman
I don't know if every writer is also a poet, or if every poet is a writer.  I know that I consider myself to be both, as my Muse visits and sometimes decides to manifest in a manuscript, and sometimes the words come out in poetic format.

I rarely publish my poetry, as the majority of it is very personal.  A dear friend recently posted some of her own poetry on her blog after a long spell of being wordless.  Some of the comments that ensued about her poetry struck me as very profound, in that she mentioned poetry, for her, is usually grounded in difficult emotional moments.  In the last couple of months, I've shared some of my own poetry with a small number of writing friends which has resulted in every single one of them urging me to begin publishing my poetry here on Healing Morning.  I was hesitant, because as with Jane Prater Haislip whom I mentioned above, some of my poetry was written in very trying emotional moments.  My hesitance was that if I shared my poetry, people would automatically read some of the darker content and misinterpret where I am emotionally today.  Where I am today, by the way, is a very happy emotional place.  That being said, I've noticed repetition kicking in about poetry all around me.  When repetition strikes often about the same subject, that's a Divine nudge, in my opinion.  So, I have decided to take a leap of faith and share some of my poetry here.  

The poem below was written several years ago during one of the most painful emotional moments of my life.  I won't go into details; I will just say that this poem flowed from an inestimable place that at the time seemed to be an endless well of sadness and grief.  Because those emotions do seem to prompt the poetry Muse, I gave the emotions voice and identified the pain in the figure of Silence.  I've written in the past about grief, and I continue to find it a very important topic that is sometimes....often...swept under the proverbial rug. Grief in its raw form is primal, and that makes many uncomfortable.  I believe it is important and healthy to process these emotions.  In sharing this poem with friends recently, many said that they felt this one would be of help to others in their own grieving process.  This is why I chose it as my first poetry post.

Silence is near

I can hear the beating of my heart

the quiet closing in on me
pressing near with palpable force

Silence waits patiently

in the darkness, anticipating
my utter desolation

the incredible feeling of absence
it lingers with a bitter taste

jeering cruelly

ripping the breath from me
a heart punch

dancing gleefully in my agony
leaving me…

…bereft

my mouth open in a soundless scream
stripped bare
robbed of who I am

stark in the violence of loss

Silence smugly waits

witnessing
the empty shell of me

alone
no comforting touch of strong arms

no earthy smell of skin
no taste on my tongue to soothe

depths of despair
wrenching

scraping nerves already shredded and raw
digging without remorse

to reveal abandonment

Silence waits patiently
to enfold my shattered remains

wrapping me up

Turn your face away from the light

Dance with me here


I am so close to your love…am I not?
Mocking you with a shadow of sweetness

the shell of memories…a pitiful thing

the soft icy sound of her mad laughter echoes
insistent
in the chasm of my broken soul

the one sad note detected
is that of the two of us weeping

Silence waits patiently
hovering in the fractures of me

her touch a magnificent isolation

In your moment of blank emptiness

Only I remain to greet you
Despite the very sad tone of this poem, I feel it is one of the best pieces I have ever written. I remember writing it in one sitting, perhaps it took ten minutes, total, to write it. The sharp pain of grief poured out of my hands into the words, and I remember that for a short while, that night, I finally slept for the first time in days. It wasn't the beginning of healing, that moment, but it was a brief respite from the crushing pain I was experiencing. As I mentioned above, I am now recovered from that sad time in my past, and very happy. If, however, my writing in any form - be it blogging, poetry, a manuscript or a magazine article - can help someone who is in that first razor sharp stage of grief to feel not so alone, then it will be worth the uncertainty of baring my own grief to the eyes of the blogging world.

I am hopeful that people will read this and find something worthwhile to take from it. I believe that Silence has visited us all, numerous times, in her sad, slightly crazed form. Grief does throw us into a maelstrom of what I call "spiritual insanity" for a time. Eventually, that eases and we begin to heal. In my mind's eye, Silence absorbs those terrible emotions, the ones simply too horrific for us to bear, and she becomes our solace. In my own soft, sensitive heart, as fanciful as it may sound, I hope there is a place for her to turn to as well, after she absorbs those emotions.


Grief is necessary. We all know this. Without going through all the stages of grief, often multiple times, we cannot come back to a whole person, capable of moving forward. Silence was a part of my grieving and this poem was the result of her visit to me.

28 comments:

  1. It is nice to meet another poet/writer, writer/poet. I love your poetry. I like that you write from the heart. I feel the message with every beat of my heart. And I agree, "Grief is necessary."

    Thanks for sharing.

    Linda Della Donna
    Author of
    "A Gift of Love, A Widow's Memoir"

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  2. Linda, I'm glad this poem had value for you. It was a big step for me to post, so I'm much relieved to see that the message written therein is being clearly understood. Thank you for visiting and giving such kind affirmation. :)

    ~ Dawn

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  3. “Stark in the violence of loss…” is perhaps the best way you could show the depth of grief, for it comes with violence when it shows its face. No better way to express such emotion than to use this word “violence.” It is like a rape of one’s joy. “Mocking you with a shadow of sweetness…” This too portrays the bittersweet nature of grief, in that it’s the natural response to loss, the body’s way of slowing down, even returning the offered embrace.

    When the muse comes, wisdom beckons us to be still and pay attention, not let the moment pass, but respond to the prompting of spirit. What a release you must have found in the writing of this. I like your use of the phrase “spiritual insanity.” Can’t be better said.

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  4. I also went through a hard time 5 years ago. I feel these words. I identify. And I am also healed!
    Yes, I believe we need to share and not sweep under the rug. We need to encourage, to listen, to be there for each other. Thank you so much for sharing! I look forward to more of your poetry:)

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  5. Beautiful Dawnie! Painfully beautiful...words written in red. Anytime I have written poetry, which more than not comes out of difficult journey, I also experience some relief and somehow the pain is diminished somewhat if even for a brief time. Then yes, the sleep comes once again and some peace in our hearts. Thank you my dear friend.

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  6. Debra, I always value your impressions of my writing, so thank you for the thoughts expressed here. I continually greet myself in this manner, publishing with trepidation, wrestling angst and self-doubt, only to find that the posts I worry over the most turn out to be the ones that strike the strongest common chord with those who read my blog. Thank you for continuing to be there in friendship and writerly connection. <3

    Kristin, I think we've all experienced that epic sense of loss at some point in our lives. This was one point that convinced me to share this poem on a public level. It's that tendency we have of brushing grief aside as though it is an inconvenience or something to be ashamed of that I want to see done away with. I'm very happy you're in a positive place these days & that your own healing was accomplished. I will, indeed, post more poetry. Thank you for your visit and your wonderful words. :)

    Janie, what a profound statement: "..words written in red". So very true, as when I wrote this one, I was figuratively bleeding those words onto paper. You were part of the fulcrum for this post - the steady base of support that convinced me to tip one side towards publishing this side of my work. Thank you, darling girl, for always being there, solid and loving, in my life. <3

    Namaste' to you all,

    ~ Dawnie

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  7. I'm so thankful you shared your touching poem after all these years, the words pulled on my heart strings!! I certainly understand the healing power of pouring words onto paper as writing was of the greatest comfort after the passing of Erin....spiritual insanity I've been in for sure. Hope you continue to share your works of poetry with us as you feel comfortable!! Take care :)

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  8. David, thank you for your words here. Loss is loss, no matter if the loved one has two feet, or four, or wings, hooves, paws, etc. Love is enduring, and the loss of that physical presence is wrenching in the extreme. I'm glad I've been brave enough to step out with this side of my writing, and I so appreciate that my blogging friends are affirming the decision. Thank you, my friend. Your comments means a great deal to me, and I do promise to continue sharing my poetry. :)

    Namaste',

    Dawn

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  9. A very touching poem. Life takes us through periods of SILENCE so that we may connect again or get in touch with a part of the self that we lost on the way some where.
    I love my periods of silence and am blessed that I go through them.....

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  10. Savira, what profound thoughts! I agree, Silence is such a powerful and integral element in our mental and emotional health. During that time in my life, Silence was at dual moments, an adversary and a respite from what I was experiencing. She became a tangible presence that I alternately wrestled and embraced, and I came out, finally, into a healing plane. Thank you for visiting, dear one! <3

    ~ Dawn

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  11. I can understand your grief and your poem touched a raw nerve, I too went through this period last year after I lost my father on my birthday. I wrote like crazy and in the process I healed too...thanks for sharing

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  12. Sulekkha, I am so sorry for the loss of your father. I cannot even begin to imagine the pain you experienced with that. I'm glad that you had your writing to pour the emotions into, and to help you process your sadness and grief. Healing comes slowly, but eventually it does happen. Thank you for visiting and sharing your own thoughts here.

    Namaste',

    Dawn

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  13. Your poem touched me. A beautiful way to express pain. Many times for me it comes out in poetry form also. Writing form the heart is healing. Thank you for sharing and I look forward to reading more poetry from you.

    Blessings...Chelle

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  14. Hi Chelle, and thank you for visiting Healing Morning! "Writing from the heart is healing." What an intensely true statement you wrote there. I've often pondered why pain sparks the creative Muse, and my only explanation is that expressing our pain in some corporeal manner helps to bleed it from our hearts, minds and spirit. The world is certainly blessed with some incredible artistic endeavors as a result...books, poetry, art and more. I look forward to visiting your blog and getting to know your work in return. :)

    ~ Dawn

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  15. Hi Dawn.....It takes a courageous person to share such intimate personal thoughts. Many of us have experienced such intense pain....pain so deep that one more breath and we fear we will shatter. I always admire someone who puts herself out there for the world to see...through her poetry.

    Jo

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  16. "Pain so deep that one more breath and we fear we will shatter." Jo, how aptly written. Yes, that is the quality of pain I was in when I wrote this piece. One puff of wind would have scattered me in a million pieces. I'm glad that I wrote this, and I'm glad it is resonating for so many. The feedback I've received has been encouraging and warming, as well as being affirmation that sharing this side of my writing is the right thing to do. Thank you, my friend, for your words and thoughts. I intend to continue.

    Namaste',

    Dawn

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  17. Powerful and absolutely You. I can hear your voice in these words... it's beautiful--a mirror of the author. I know you know that I can relate, completely. <3

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  18. Creena, yes, I do know that very thing. I appreciate you taking time to visit and read this one, as it was a big step for me to publish such a personal experience. "I can hear your voice in these words..." I can't think of a more valuable comment to hear! That means I'm accomplishing what I set out to when I wrote this. Thank you, dear one, for the affirmation.

    Much love,

    Dawn

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  19. I have found Poetry comes from the deepest place inside me...that place that rarely feels light. So the only public poetry I have shared has been exposed through song lyrics...the music serving as a buffer between vulnerable and bearable.
    Thank you for sharing.
    MCatherine
    Hide A Heart

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  20. Everyone who has commented on this post has written such a depth and pure quality of thoughts, and your comment is another, Mary Catherine. "...the music serving as a buffer between vulnerable and bearable". How beautifully thought and spoken. I've often wondered what my words/poetry would sound like put to music, and I've said for years that in my head, the words are in musical format. I just translate them into written format eventually. I think putting words to music can definitely span the Great Divide and mellow some of the pain into a message that touches and heals. I'm glad you have that outlet for your work, and now I'm off to visit your page! :)

    Namaste',

    Dawn

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  21. Thank you for sharing. This is profound and very intense. I'd love to read more of your poetry. The words flow and hit the heart like a hammer.

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  22. Mari, you just gave me a huge smile for the afternoon with your comment! I definitely plan to post more of my poetry here at Healing Morning, and that's totally due to the warm reception you have all given me from this first post. It's nice to know it's been appreciated and enjoyed enough that you would like to read more! Your photography has a similar impact when I view it - the images are so full of energy that they leave me very touched in a deeply spiritual manner, as well as just from a visual enjoyment. And now I'm off to visit your page and see what new lovelies you've posted!

    Much love,

    Dawn

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  23. This is so intense and deep !!
    u r a great writer Dawn... you definitely should publish more work like this.

    Great job..

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  24. Jyoti, thank you, sweet girl! Coming from a fellow poet, your words mean a great deal. I've said it several times already, but will repeat that I'm happy I took the step to share this side of my writing here at Healing Morning. I will definitely share more poetry in the future! Thank you, as always, for visiting and leaving some of your happy energy. :)

    ~ Dawn

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  25. From the heart, the intensity of loss, written beautifully. Hugs

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  26. Katherine, thank you for your wonderful words. As painful a time as this was for me, it remains one of the best pieces I think I've written thus far. It was raw and real and very much in the depths of that singular moment. I'm glad that it has resonated with so many people who have visited, including you. Hugs back to you, dear one!

    ~ Dawn

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  27. Sorry for visiting your space very late. I always wanted to be in here and spend some time, get inspired and walk back. Loved the poem. It's awesome. Silence is near, and I can surely hear my heartbeats. And it whispers "Love to live in peace". Excellent post sweetheart! :)

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  28. NJ, thank you so much for visiting & for the kind words! I always value your input greatly. No worries on delays with visiting; whenever you get here is always going to be the right & perfect time. You were instrumental in convincing me to share this side of my writing, you know, so I owe you sincere thanks for the encouragement and support.

    Much love to you!

    Dawn

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