Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Faith in the waiting


I said to my soul, be still, and wait without hope
For hope would be hope for the wrong thing; wait without love,
For love would be love of the wrong thing; there is yet faith
But the faith and the love and the hope are all in the waiting.
Wait without thought, for you are not ready for thought:
So the darkness shall be the light, and the stillness the dancing.

— T. S. Eliot, poem, East Coker


This snippet from T.S. Eliot was on my Facebook page recently, and I've returned to it several times over the last couple of days. It has prompted me to ponder deeply, and when I do that, I tend to process through the pondering better when I write the thoughts out.

At first glance, the words above appear negative and self-defeating.  Wait without hope, wait without love.  What is being expressed, though, is to shift our thinking.  It is more of existing in that moment....that space between exhaling and taking the next breath.  Just being there in that suspended fraction of time as we mark it from a human perspective.  And doing so without expectations.  Without Ego attempting to plant a flag of victory.  Much easier said than done, yes?

2012 has been a year full of self-discovery for me.  It's been a year of extremes, in fact.  Some moments so beautiful that they pierced my heart and left a permanent mark of equal beauty.  Other moments so painful, so wrenching and final in this corporeal reality that they left a different permanent mark....a jagged tear in my heart and soul.  I've grappled with these extremes and somehow, survived it all.  We do that, don't we.  We survive. 

It should be noted that surviving the beautiful moments can sometimes be just as challenging, if not more so, as the difficult moments.  

Those beautiful moments...the positive experiences....they can be scary.  They can show us a possible reality that we have dreamed of, wished for, planned for.  The potential manifesting of that reality can throw us off kilter and the common reaction can be panic.  I know this is a truth for me occasionally.  And therein lays the pitfall of expectations.  How we want Life to be.  How we want Love to be.  How we want Work to be.  How we want Health to be.  

This year, I've been confronted with releasing expectations in several very important areas.  And really, what that boils down to is releasing control.  *gasp*  I know, sounds crazy to most of us.  Believe me, I'm not a fan of that concept, releasing control.  Ego leads the race for most of us in that regard. Yet, I am a logical being, and I accept that enforcing rigidity can stifle growth. So, I've continued that refining of Self within the context of those vital areas, and I've recognized where I need to do more work.  It's a curious process, because I do tend to be quite aware of my own psychology, my own emotional patterns.  This year, however, ushered in a life experience tied to another and that relationship produced experiences and a mirror that reflected repeatedly, challenging me greatly.

Right now, I'm in a holding pattern in regard to these several vital areas.  That requires a good amount of patience and as mentioned above, faith.  Releasing those expectations, releasing the desire and urge to step in and marshal the troops, draft a plan of attack and take no prisoners.  Given that I tend to be a person of action, the living in that suspended moment for long periods of time can be downright painful for me.  I'm doing it, though.  How long I can do it, and equally important, how long I should do it, are always the big ticket questions, but I've surprised myself with how deeply I've been able to process, and how patient I have been able to remain.  

There is a limit for all of this, of course.  Nature abhors a vacuum, and we cannot exist in eternal limbo in any facet of our lives.  Eventually, entropy fills the proverbial vessel with water and it spills over, causing reactions and change.  Usually, when I feel myself beginning to chafe and buck the confines of being patient, God/Universe/Spirit will send a reminder such as the T.S. Eliot passage quoted above.  It reminds me to continue to breathe through it, to not allow the frustrations to win the day.  Is that easy?  Absolutely not!  Being patient in certain areas of my life is one of my biggest challenges.  I have learned over a lifetime, however, that attempting to force time and a given situation to speed up to match my personal measure always, always brings me much more grief than is necessary to experience.  

So, there is faith in the waiting.  There is change of a positive nature in that suspended space between breaths, between heartbeats.  My heart is gentled in the process, and my capacity to adapt is broadened.  That place of waiting…in my mind's eye, it is painted in images that are difficult to describe, but I hover there.  The essential part of me, my very soul, inhabits that in between space where the beautiful and the painful, the positive and the negative all combine to weave new harmonies for me.  I envision those harmonies, delicate, liquid threads that dance and entwine with the harmonies of others to produce as yet unknown realities.  Fabric to clothe my soul as it returns to my body, just before the next breath is inhaled, before the next heartbeat sounds.  I return changed, always.  Stronger at times; definitely more thoughtful.  Aware that the path will play out without the necessity of me knowing the complete mapping.  My job is to keep taking that next step and doing so with faith that I'm heading in the proper direction.

There are areas of my life that require action and forward momentum.  It is clear, however, that the loosening of the limbo stage hasn't yet manifested.  Perforce, I remain suspended.  I suppose that one of the best courses of action is to simply enjoy the view.  That just occurred to me.  Beauty exists in the act of waiting.  I'll have to turn that one over in my mind for a bit.  It will certainly keep me occupied and distracted for a wee!  So, here is where I stand, for the nonce.  Surveying the view and breathing in the quiet.  Absorbing the peace in the waiting, and greeting Faith as it keeps me company. 

2012 shaped me in innumerable ways.  I tasted joy countless times, and it was balanced by the bitterness of grief, repeatedly.  Confusion reigned supreme more than once, as did uncertainty.  Because of this lack of stability, the only thing I knew to do was just let it be.  Allow the chaos to play its natural course, and believe there was a purpose to it.  I have yet to see clarity in all areas where it is needed, but I recognize the method at hand.  Similar to cleaning house, you first have to create chaos and a jumble of items before you can begin to pull everything back into order.  I imagine that something similar is occurring during this limbo stage.  Order is being gathered and it will fall into place in proper, Divine timing. There have been some abrupt endings that I did not wish for, but they were necessary.  Again, Divine Order at work.  And I have grown as a result, finding strength to deal with those endings, and doing so alone.

Mindful stillness; this is what meditation and yoga encourage.  Being in that breathless moment and feeling the immediacy of the feelings.  Entertaining change in a positive manner, rather than seizing up in denial or fear.  Admitting that my preconceived notions are limiting and that not knowing what the next breath will produce, this is the most receptive space I feel I can inhabit.  Faith in the waiting.  

26 comments:

  1. Dawn, I loved the phrase where you saw Elliot's words as existing in the moment, that space between exhaling and taking the next breath. What I call the silence between the notes is just as important as the note itself in music. It is about what are you hearing and feeling within that silence...or moment between the breath.

    Expectations are difficult to release as they become part of what we are trying to create...and if left up to us alone, we can ( like creating a post for your blog or painting a picture). However, when someone else is involved it is not always easy to complete our manifestation of expectation...because everyone has to agree on the creation.

    Releasing control is not easy for anyone...it is part of our survival mechanism as you know.

    When stuff happens, we all need to go through the process and that is tough. Especially for someone who is a doer and likes to get down the road. Sometimes the process feels like it is taking too long...but grieving any loss does take time as you know. It is no fun when you are in it.

    I loved your description of Faith in Waiting...so beautifully written...it is like a dance being done. You are so right...Beauty does exist in the act of waiting...again a beautiful phrase of being.

    It is easy to live Faith when all is going well...it is harder when you are doing the dance within " Faith in the Waiting"....

    You have come to some amazing discoveries of self and put pen to paper as if you were dancing a Song of your own Life in the last year...coming from the heart...

    Your words are music to all our ears...

    Love you sweet girl...Always...









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    1. Raven, thank you for visiting and leaving such a beautiful comment! The whole year of 2012 has felt like one big limbo moment, and looking back, I'm not happy about a lot of that. It can't be changed, of course, but moving forward, I can take a different approach.

      Right now, I recognize that being still is necessary. Processing through the events of the past year are also necessary; not always fun, mind you, but necessary. I figured, if I'm dealing with this type of absence of movement, others are as well, so I wrote it out of my heart. Or attempted to. I hope it will help someone, or many someones if they stumble across this article.

      Much love to you in return, my dear friend.

      - Dawn

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  2. Dawnie, what introspective and beautiful words are these. From our recent conversations I know that you know that I get this and truly relate wholeheartedly.

    This here is lovely: "The essential part of me, my very soul, inhabits that in between space where the beautiful and the painful, the positive and the negative all combine to weave new harmonies for me. I envision those harmonies, delicate, liquid threads that dance and entwine with the harmonies of others to produce as yet unknown realities."

    I pray that the coming holidays and the new year bring closure to the unpleasantness and pain you've experienced over these past 12 months and that 2013 will take you to that special place where harmonies ring out with a positive and joyous refrain.

    Thanks for these words today as they spoke to my heart in a deep way. Hugs, prayers and light to you my friend!

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    1. Tameka, I so appreciate you sharing your thoughts on this one. I know that you are walking a path full of equal, if not greater, challenges. You remain your beautiful, bright self, reaching out in love and positive energy.

      I wish you a similar new reality for 2013. We cannot escape difficult moments, as they come to us with purpose, but I absolutely wish you a lighter, brighter path with more joys than sorrows. You know that I keep you in daily prayer, healing, love and Light, and that I am always holding your hand.

      I love you, sweetheart. <3

      Namaste',

      Dawn

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    2. Second reply: I just visited your blog and read the exciting news about meeting with an agent! Honey, that is wonderful and I'm so happy that you're digging into revisions with a glad heart. I couldn't comment on your blog (and I understand the reasons that comments have been disabled), so am replying to you here. I cannot wait to hear the news that you're finished with revisions, you manuscript is being flagged for Go status, and you're on your way to being a published author. Go, girl! :)

      - Dawnie

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    3. Thanks my dear friend! Whenever I move through a challenge I feel the power of prayer from my friends and their hands lifting me up and God's grace all around and I need every bit of it these days!

      Thanks also for the comment about my last blog post. That was a great day and I look forward to the new year when I can focus better on those revisions. I'm thinking up switching CMS providers now so Lyric Fire is on bit of a hiatus until I figure things out and also that other reason! Lol! Hugs mamita!

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  3. Faith in the waiting . . . oh, how I, too, have come through trials and situations I wished to control only to finally resign myself that God is in control - completely! And, His timing, no matter how long it takes in our minds, is perfect.
    To let go and let Him is truly the key to inner peace, strength, and spiritual growth.
    Blessings to you, dear Dawn, and a big hug for this beautiful post!

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    1. Martha, thank you for your kind heart. You never fail to bring a smile and a shower of peace when you visit. That concept of "In God's timing, not my own" is one that I've struggled with my whole life, and probably will continue to joust in the future. Stepping aside and dwelling in acceptance usually only comes (for me) after a bit of a battle. I'm getting there, but it's still a bit of a rocky path of my own making.

      Blessings to you in return, my lovely friend. Hugs in abundance, also. <3

      - Dawnie

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  4. A very timely post Dawnie for me. I can say I'm experiencing that "faith in the waiting" as well as groping in the dark for something to hold on to as I try to find my way. Thank you for sharing with us these indefinable moments. I will save this to refer to as I make my way trusting that all is well. Loving you. Janie

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    1. Janie, you're not alone with that groping in the dark part. I'm doing a lot of fumbling as well, and I daresay many others are. I guess if we immediately knew the proper direction to take, we wouldn't learn as much. Maybe. I'd like to think less fumbling and groping about in confusion is in our combined futures!

      Thank you for visiting and sharing your thoughts, my dear sister. It's so nice to connect & feel your lovely energy.

      Loving you in return,

      Dawnie

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  5. Dawnie...

    Our natures do abhor a vacuum, it is one of the reasons why grief is so hard to deal with because whatever we lose, be it a joyful moment, or a light in our life whatever shape it takes, it is our nature to try to fill that with something. That something we fill it with is oft times artificial, transient, and leaves us as wanting as it was before, or worse. The beauty I find in waiting is this...The vacuum, the gap, will fill on it's own not one big thing, but many sometimes thousands of little things. Waiting should not be, at least in my mind, a static status...waiting and doing while we wait, is often the key...and to quote a favorite widow friend of mine Linda D. "And somehow, when I wasn't looking, I got a new life."

    Mind the gap...Loving you,

    Tink

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    1. Tinker, thank you for visiting - it's been a while. No, I don't look at waiting as a stagnant proposition. It always tends to be very active and highly charged for me, and perhaps that's why it drives me to distraction so easily. It isn't, and will never be, a favorite activity of mine to be in stasis.

      I don't ever seek to fill or replace (which simply isn't possible) that stage with anything - I recognize that my reason for being there is to process and feel, and ultimately, to heal. So, that's what I'm doing. Processing and feeling, whether I want to do either or not. Best to tend to it when it's fresh and right there in front of me, as I've never been an advocate of sweeping important moments under the proverbial rug. Healing being the goal, I choose to engage and be an active part of all of this. It's not pleasant at the moment, but it's still very fresh and sharp. I'll get past that at some point.

      Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this topic, chickadee. I appreciate and love you in endless amounts.

      Loving you, my girl.

      Dawnie

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  6. Whoa..! you said a lot in relatively fewer words. u had me thinking.. waiting if you like to hear..
    Beauty exists in the act of waiting..

    Great post.. full of wisdom..
    Dawnie.. i read your post with the concentration of a monk.. and it made me felt good.. you had me thinking as i said.. not very certain.. but engaging thoughts..

    nice one dear.. keep writing..

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    1. Deepak, my goodness, you humble me. We who write do so for the joy of it, and that joy is amplified if/when someone tells us our words gave an emotional impact. Pardon me while I dance a wee jig of happiness over that! I wrote this article during a very difficult personal experience, and I struggled to keep the words and thoughts positive. Then I struggled some more with whether to post it. I'm glad that I did, because it's one that appears to be striking a similar note with many of my readers.

      I look forward to reading more of your work in return, my friend. :)

      Namaste',

      Dawnie

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  7. Keep writing my friend :)..

    i am all ears..

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    1. It's always lovely to meet a kindred spirit, and I do believe I recognize that in you.

      Namaste', Deepak. :)

      - Dawn

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  8. You always say Namaste to me.. Give me one word that i can say to you with it's meaning of course.. it goes without saying that it should not be in english.. i'll check out later for the follow up comment..

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    1. Deepak, why not "Namaste'" in return? From research that I've done over the years, that concept exists in many cultures. I know it does in the Native American culture (which is part of my ancestry), but there isn't a specific word for it. That's why I adopted "Namaste'", because it greets that other person with honor, respect and recognition of their individual Light. I hope that works for you! :)

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  9. You wrote this so beautifully Dawn. Its been ages since I visited your blog but every time I come here I go back wiser. It is such a difficult task, to live in the moment as order is being gathered from the chaos, like you said. We are always in a hurry to know so that we are prepared about our future. I have had an eventful two years but I am slowly learning to live in the moment. Not an easy job and there are days when I get restless and want to tear my hair out.

    http://rimlybezbaruah.blogspot.in/2012/11/breaking.html

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    1. Rimly, how lovely to have a visit from you! "Learning to live in the moment"...it's certainly a Life Lesson that I, personally, feel I'll never fully, completely learn. I am hopeful that 2013 brings you brighter days & a lighter heart, with more joy than sadness in the overall mix. I recognize that we do have to have contrast in each day, but I would still wish for all of us to have a bit of a restful, happier, less stressful year ahead.

      Now I'm off to visit you in return; thank you for visiting, reading & leaving one of your always wonderful, thoughtful comments. :)

      - Dawn

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  10. Hi Dawn, I haven`t been over at your blog for some time and what a great post this is! I think one of the most difficult things is to wait.Most of the times we don`t want to wait but God has His plan and we need to have faith and patience.Have a blessed day!!

    http://nelmitravel.com

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    1. Hey there! I think that most of us wrestle with faith and patience. I know it's one of my biggest challenges. I'm glad you enjoyed this post! I look forward to visiting you in return & discovering some new, fascinating location. :)

      Blessings in return,

      Dawn

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  11. Patience has been one of my hardest things to deal with, it always seems so fruitless... however; you are right... sometimes we have to wait for the right time and it's not always when we think it should be...

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    1. Launna, you're not alone! And such true words, "...and it's not always when we think it should be". In Divine Order and timing, rather than my own, is what I always repeat to myself when I'm beginning to feel frustration. Sometimes it works, others, it doesn't. I'm always learning and growing, shifting my perceptions and chipping away at rigid, limiting thoughts. We continue that process of refining of self as long as we live, I think.

      Thank you for visiting! :)

      - Dawn

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