Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Gazing at magic

Photo courtesy of
http://www.moonbattery.com/
*This post was originally written in July of 2010.  It remains one of my favorite childhood memories of the Christmas holidays, so I was inspired to share it again. Please note that some of the photos depicted only have Bing images as provenance, as Blogger didn't offer the feature of annotating photos when this post was originally written.*

When I was very young, we lived in a small, single wide trailer.  The space was limited, with the washing machine in the one bathroom, and the clothes dryer set into a corner of the small living room.  It was next to the clothes dryer that we always set up the Christmas tree, against the wall to allow for the rest of the floor space to be clear.  This meant that there was just enough space between the branches of the tree and the dryer for the clothes dryer door to be opened and the controls to be reached.  It was also just enough space for one wee little girl to scoot in and sit with back against the clothes dryer, feet tucked close, elbows on knees to support small chin on small hands....and gaze upward at the twinkling lights.

I was spellbound by the beauty of each year's Christmas tree.  The tinsel softly shifting and catching and reflecting the tree lights.  The tree lights themselves were a whole fascinating experience all their own.  Who remembers the individual painted lightbulbs that had to be screwed into the individual sockets on the strings of Christmas tree lights?  They also had individual, colored reflectors, stamped out of solid sheets of metal with fluted edges that could be deadly sharp, and these reflectors could be fitted between the light bulb and the socket, securing them as decoration.

Photo courtesy of
Bing images
The light bulbs were easily the size of a man's thumb and were coated with opaque primary colored paint...red, green, yellow, blue and orange.  I found this one photo to the left of these old beauties. The lady in the photo is country music legend, Brenda Lee. While these lights don't have the metal wheel reflectors I've attempted to describe, it gives you an idea of what I'm talking about. We would sit on the floor with my Mother, painstakingly testing each light socket and bulb, selecting the colors so that they didn't repeat, and choosing with equal precision the reflector wheels.  We always made strings of popcorn and cranberries, as money was limited to purchase expensive garland.  The few garlands that we did have were made of a tightly wound tinfoil, sometimes dual colored, others were gold or silver, and were crinkly and rustling in our hands as they were strung around the tree.

To a small child, the finished result, covered in clumps of silver tinsel when we would grow tired of the decorating process, was always beautiful.  I could sit quietly tucked between the clothes dryer and Christmas tree and look at all the colors and textures.  Gazing upward into the tree provided a whole different perspective than you could get from standing in front of it and viewing it.  Looking upwards, all the lights cast a soft, lambent glow that seemed to fill the inner spaces of the tree and produce a fairytale atmosphere.  Even at that young an age, I was weaving stories in my head about the things that captured my imagination.

Photo courtesy of
Bing images
At some point, my Mom would notice I was missing and call my name, walking by and not thinking to look for me tucked down beneath the tree.  "Here I am," I would smile up at her, waving a hand to catch her attention.  "What are you doing down there on the floor?" was usually her question.  "Watching the magic...it's so pretty!"  One evening, to my everlasting delight, my wonderful Mom didn't ask the usual question.  Instead, she carefully shifted the Christmas tree slightly sideways, got down on the floor next to me and joined me in my nightly routine.  We sat there, me tucked cozily against my Mom's side, her clean, soft fragrance touching my senses, her heartbeat against my ear as I cuddled close.  She reached over and caught my hand in hers, and we gazed at magic together. 

My older sister and brother were occupied with a game and we weren't interrupted....something very rare for the youngest of three, as I was, to get such an extended quiet moment with our Mom.  She was raising us alone and dealing with very challenging circumstances.  Money was always an issue, yet she found ways to make our childhood carefree, secure and content.  And that particular evening, she indulged my whimsical nature by joining me and gazing at magic. 

Eventually, something broke the spell and the moment ended.  Dinner needed to be fixed, small bodies needed baths and bedtime loomed imminent.  But for that one lovely moment, we just sat there together and gazed up from the floor into the heart of that Christmas tree, hypnotized and enthralled by the warm glow of lights and decorations.  I can remember my Mom climbing to her feet, extending a hand to pull me up, and bending down to kiss me, saying, "Thank you, honey.  That was beautiful.  Let's do it again soon."

Have you ever tried this?  This year during the winter holiday season, if you decorate a Christmas tree in your home, take a few moments to sit on the floor, close in to the tree, and gaze upwards into the center of it.  I sometimes will even lie down on the floor and scoot directly underneath the tree to gain the best view.  It might sound slightly bizarre, but I assure you it will provide you with a breathtaking experience.  Clear your mind and simply gaze at the magic.

It might seem odd that this post was originally written during July, having Christmas as a focal point.  I don't know why the thoughts twined together to produce this blog article with a Christmas theme during summer months in East Tennessee, but I feel it expressed a valuable and beloved memory that was worth sharing, regardless of the time of year.

Such are some of the blissful moments of my childhood.  My beautiful Mom sheltered us from the challenging reality of admittedly difficult times and provided a secure, loving and nurturing home.  She also allowed for those magical moments and on occasion, she would embrace them and join us.  This Christmas tree moment is one of my most cherished memories.  From that day and many others, I learned to embrace my ability to find magic in the most unexpected places and it is something that gives me particular joy.  It is a connection to my wonderful Mom, who recognized that evening, that her youngest child was slightly different, slightly fey, and completely unique. 

Photo courtesy of
Bing images
She taught me, in subsequent years, that this side of my nature was beautiful and to be celebrated.  I still gaze at magic, and sometimes I'm able to share those moments with my Mom.  She doesn't always see the world in the same starlit glow that I do, but she appreciates this part of who I, her youngest child, am.  I gaze at magic, because I was taught by a lovely woman, my Mom, that this is a beautiful and natural thing.  I hope those who read this post have those special moments as well.  I would wish for you all to have the unique ability to regularly find and regularly enjoy...gazing at magic.

Namaste', and beautiful holiday wishes to you all.

31 comments:

  1. Beautiful indeed and evokes my memories and feelings as a child and a mother... Thank you so much!
    xxx

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  2. So glad you enjoyed it, Julie! I find that so many of my posts harken back to the misty golden days of my childhood, as that is what gave me my foundation of love. My Mom is my hero! <3

    Much love to you,
    Dawn

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  3. Dawn through the screen your personality always manages to shine through and it really makes my day to see you’re posts because not only do I see your positivity, I’m also lucky enough to be able to feel it. You’re a bright shiny star who obviously loves people.

    In this magical article I was there with you. You are so lucky to have a wonderful woman in your life who despite difficulties, still managed to bring you up good and proper, keeping you all safe.

    Sadly, I didn’t have that luxury but it didn’t stop me being the best mother I could be and Christmases I remember being particularly magical because I always made it special for my girl...

    After reading about your own magical moments, there is something that I’m definitely going to be doing this year, where ever I am, I'm going to get down close to the tree and share a moment with my girl as we gaze up at the twinkling lights.

    To you my friend I say Namaste

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  4. I tried commenting through the Reader I use on my phone but I have no idea where it posted it, if anywhere. This is wonderful post Dawn! What I loved most was that your mom didn't yell & tell you to come out of there, but that she joined you. She allowed you to be who you are & didn't use that oh so famous line, "Why can't you be more like your brother/sister?"

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  5. Dawn you truly reflect your mother's nature. It is the best compliment to her. May you carry this through your journey.
    Have a wonderful weekend

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  6. Oh my, once again I am brought to tears with the responses to a post. This one is one of my favorites so far, but you never know how it will be perceived by people reading it.

    Jane, your words touched my heart deeply. I agree that I was blessed with my wonderful Mom, and it is definitely to her that the credit goes for shaping my two siblings and I into incredibly loving people. I am so happy you're going to share this Christmas tree moment with your daughter - I know it will be a special thing for both of you, and I hope it becomes a yearly tradition! I know in my heart that you're a wonderful Mom to your little girl, because I see your own beautiful light shining in your words. Namaste' back to you, my friend. You honor and bless me with your kind words. <3

    Anahid, I love that about my Mom too - that she would occasionally stop everything and spend special time with each of the three of us. She definitely allowed me to be who I am, hence the "slightly different, slightly fey" comment in the blog. She accepts me and loves me unconditionally. I'm glad you enjoyed this one! Thanks as always for the visit and kind words. <3

    Savira, you just gave me and my lovely Mom the ultimate compliment. When people mention my character, the way I carry myself, my loving nature, etc., I always give full credit to my beautiful Mom. She's pretty special! Thank you for the wonderful comment, dear friend. <3

    Namaste' to you all!

    ~ Dawn

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  7. Not sure if I'll be repeating your Christmas Tree memory anytime soon (my last major Christmas Tree memory is sleeping next to my friend's tree in her living room, and having it fall on me in the middle of the night!), but I always appreciate your ability to see the simple magic in our everyday lives.

    And not just to see it, but to savor it, wrap it up in a nice little bundle, and share it with the rest of your blogging friends/readers.

    I yearn for the day when I can do that as seemingly effortless as you do.

    Great job, my friend!

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  8. Dave, I love your comment! So sorry about the Christmas tree ambush in the middle of the night - I admit this very thing has happened to me before and it isn't fun. Will you forgive me for laughing at the mental image you sketched? The best part of your comment was the second paragraph - is that really how you see my writing? If so, I am humbled and delighted, because that is always what I strive for...to paint the story into readers' minds. Thank you for the wonderful comment, Dave. I'm full of smiles!

    ~ Dawn

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  9. I included that image so you could laugh, so not only *can* you laugh, but you should! :P

    And yes, that is how I see your writing. You are a wonderful word-painter.

    That's one reason I always keep up on your blog, no matter how behind I get (though I have to admit that the fact you don't write two posts a day every day certainly helps that too :))

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  10. *L*...yep, I'll never be a two post a day blogger, so you can rest easy. On occasion, inspiration strikes more than twice a week, but my goal is usually to write and post every 3 - 5 days. I can't keep up w/ the daily/multiple posts of other friends' blogs, so I don't want to inflict that on my readers. Well, 'inflict' isn't the right word, but you get my meaning. I appreciate your comments and a window into how other people perceive my writing - that was very cool to learn and experience! :)

    ~ Dawn

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  11. I caught this on Writer's Rising and had to come over and tell you how wonderful it is to connect with a magical moment from the past. Thanks for sharing!

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  12. Hi Cynthia, thanks for taking extra time to zip over here and comment! I'm glad you enjoyed the blog post. This one holds a very special place in my heart, so it makes me happy it touches others who are reading it now. :)

    ~ Dawn

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  13. We can find this same magic in August too. If we just take a moment to look around, there is magic that will mesmerize us and make us smile.... just look around.

    Good post!

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  14. Marty, I agree with you completely! That's why I wrote and posted this now, rather than waiting until the holiday season. You, more than most people, know that I always look for and find magic on a daily basis, so I loved your comment. :) Thank you for visiting today.

    ~ Dawn

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  15. What an absolutely beautiful post! And what a lovely gift you have to look for the magic, something many often forget to do in their busy lives!

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  16. I came here from Writers Rising. And I'm going to stick around.

    "What are you doing under there?
    Watching the magic...."
    That is elegant.

    What a moment to remember, especially in hurried, sometimes fragmented adult lives. You gave me back a memory of my own, a connection to the person at the core.

    Thank you!

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  17. Mitzi, thank you for stopping by to visit! I'm glad you enjoyed this post - it seems to be striking a happy chord with many. Yes, thanks to my wonderful Mom, my ability to see magic was never squelched - it was nurtured, and for that, I'm eternally greatful. The world is a mystical place, if we take time to notice!

    Linda, thank you for taking time to visit my blog page from over at Writers Rising! I have met some of the nicest, most talented writers in that group. I'll have to give your blog a visit in return. I also love that reading this post "gave you a memory back of your own". That is the reason I write - to create those moments of crystalline clarity!

    Namaste' to you both!

    ~ Dawn

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  18. There is a beautiful award waiting for you at my site!

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  19. Savira, thank you! I'll pop over to check it out. I appreciate you visiting. :)

    ~ Dawn

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  20. This is so sweet. I loved that your Mom took the time to get down and see the world through your eyes!

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  21. Deanne, thanks! My Mom is wonderful in that regard and in so many other ways. I count my blessings daily that she's in my life and that I had her to nurture and guide me.

    ~ Dawn

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  22. CC, thank you for visiting this particular post! It is one of my favorites, as it shares a memory that is deeply special to my heart. I'm glad you enjoyed it. :)

    ~ Dawn

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  23. I don't lay under the tree, but I do sit in a comfy chair and remember those cherished moments. I am always surprised at what comes barreling through my mind. It doesn't matter if this was written in July. Sometimes we need the feeling of Christmas then - or those feelings we associate with this time of year. Your mom saw the beauty in you, count that as one of your blessings.

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    1. Brenda, my Mom is always my biggest blessing! She is the best person I know in this world, and she has been my guiding star and constant. I cannot say enough good about her.

      Looking back to when this article was originally written, I agree with you - something prompted the memory to be expressed in summer months that year. Magic exists year round, of course. We just have to focus our hearts and inner vision to recognize it.

      Thank you for the lovely visit & comment! :)

      Namaste',

      Dawn

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  24. I, for one, as so, so glad you re-posted this as I didn't even know you back in 2010. My, what a memory to treasure always! I can recall a similar situation when I was six - I, too, sat at the foot of our tree, enchanted by the lights, listening to Christmas carols, and feeling the magic and mystery of the season. Seems like yesterday . . .
    May your Christmas this year be filled with warm and blessed memories for you, dear Dawn!

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    1. Martha, I'm glad I re-posted it, also. It is one of countless beautiful memories of my wonderful Mom, and it always makes me smile. She gave all 3 of us such a solid foundation of love.

      Merry Christmas to you in return, my dear friend! Much, much love to you. <3

      - Dawnie

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  25. that's a beautiful article Dawnie.. it was like watching liitle Dawn immersed in her magic world.. i loved the innocence and emotions associated with this memory.. Lovely..
    we can never appreciate our Mums enough for the joy and sheer magic that they bring to our life..
    no wonder you treasure this memory so much.. its really beautiful..
    keep gazing at magic honey.. :)

    take care.. Namaste

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    1. Deepak, sharing this memory is always special to me. I was talking to my Mom about it the other day, and to her, it was just an ordinary day. Of course, she was in the midst of raising kids and keeping the world turning for a whole family. Her focus was elsewhere, but it continues to strike me as imminently beautiful that she took time out to sit with me that day. She doesn't see herself in the same bright light that I do, or realize what a solid foundation she gave all three of us.

      I owe everything to her. Everything. My outlook on life, my strong sense of self, my ability to communicate love. I'm so glad you enjoyed this trip into my childhood and the window into who my wonderful Mom is.

      I promise to keep gazing at magic, my friend. It is all around us. :)

      Namaste',

      Dawn

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  26. I remember those clumps of tinsel! What a lovely post.

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    1. Galen, not many do remember those clumps of tinsel! I don't see tinsel as widely used as it was during my childhood years. Being the youngest sibling, and therefore, the shortest of the three of us, I could only reach so high on the tree during the decorating process. When I grew tired, the remaining tinsel got tossed as high as I could manage...hence the clump of tinsel! To my very young eyes, it was still beautiful. Thank you for visiting!

      - Dawn

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